


Pissed | n.h.

by Goldensunflower17



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, F/F, F/M, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Niall Horan & Liam Payne Friendship, Niall Horan & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24676648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldensunflower17/pseuds/Goldensunflower17
Summary: Clara Quinn is a 22 year old girl who's just adapting to her new life in the big city of London, when she meets someone who will make her rethink everything she knows about her life, romance, and intimacy..**This may contain some triggering or mature content for readers such as drug or alcohol use/abuse, death, chronic illnesses, domestic abuse, mental illness, sexual assault, and sexual activities**
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne/Harry Styles, Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Harry Styles, Niall Horan/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. One : Bowie's

As I look in the mirror, nervous, I repeat to myself, You will get this job You will get this job. I made sure that I was wearing appropriate interview attire; dark navy striped dress trousers with a small nude heal and a nice and flowy white blouse. My long blonde hair was curled and draped over my shoulders with a tie headband to keep it out of my face. I looked cute, but professional. I honestly don't know why I'm putting this much effort into getting a barmaid position, but I really need the money and it pays well. My other job is an assistant internship at this management company called Vision Management. I don't get as much from it other than "experience in the industry" which is why I need this interview to go well today. The internship is really neat. They manage some huge names in the entertainment industry, ranging from acting to music to modeling, almost everything. But now that I'm living on my own with responsibilities, I need to pay my share.

As I drive down the streets of downtown London, it's wet yet calm. It's about a 30 minute drive from my flat to the pub, which doesn't seem too bad as long as I plan ahead. Once I park, I walk over and finally see the sign that reads Bowie's. I'm instantly met with a mixture of whiskey and mouthwatering food. This isn't just any old pub, it's also a restaurant. No wonder this job pays so well. 

At that moment, the man who I presume to be the Publican, Mr.Williams comes into view. He's an average height man who looks well into his 50's by the looks of his half black half grey hair, but still with a young energy surrounding him.

"Hello, are you Clara?" He asks while walking toward to me, holding out his hand. 

"Yes! That would be me." I chuckle nervously as I take his hand for a shake. 

"Come on back to my office and we can start the interview." He leads me passed the bar and into a small office. 

-

"Thank you so much, Mr. Williams" I say as I stand up to shake his hand over the dark burgundy wooden table. He shoots me a smile saying," You're going to be a wonderful addition to Bowie's." I smile again trying to hold back the laughter. Bowie's was such a funny name.

I finally found a side job aside from the work I do at VM and I couldn't be more excited to be able to eat more than those 5 minute pre-made dinners. This can't be too bad, right? It should be fairly easy seeing how most of it is just pouring drinks, I'm behind the bar the whole time.

As we finish the handshake, he turns around and crouches down to a box in the right corner of the room. "What size are you?" He asks.

"Erm, Medium?" I say with confusion in my voice. He starts rummaging through the cardboard box looking for something. I hear him say, "Ahh, here it is." he stands up with leggings and a snug black tank-top with the pub logo on the left side. I thought this was slightly strange that he has leggings for me to wear in pairing with the shirt, but I don't question it much. I noticed when I walked in that all the girls here dress in snug and revealing uniforms when they work. Which I do not appreciate, but hey, I need the money, and I'm not uncomfortable being a little mature, I am 22 after all.

I say thank you once again to Mr. Williams. But, as I start to walk away I hear, "Hey one more thing Clara!" behind me. I turn around rapidly, because the volume startled me a little. "huh?" I say.

"You're first shift starts tomorrow at 7:00 PM." I nod at him and smile a little.

'Thanks again Mr. Williams." I say.

"Please call me Hank." 

"Okay. Hank." I say as to correct myself. I nod once and then walk out of his office door. I start walking down the hall that seems really old butt symbolic. This wallpaper that they have all around the whole bar is dark red, with all different sorts of designs drawn all over. It's as if you were walking through an art piece. I pass by the bathrooms towards the left side of the building and the doors are vintage bronze and copper. I love how old fashioned this place is. I feel like I'm back in the 1800's.

I come out of the hallway to reveal the actual bar room. It's huge and beautiful, considering this is a pub, that's pretty elaborate. No wonder this place is a town favourite. I see a glimpse of one of the barman that's working right now. He's pouring Whiskey on the rocks I notice. His brown hair messy but stylish, his eyes are a kind of a glistening hazel, which is unlike my common deep brown ones. I want to see how it works here.

I walk up to the bar, and I wave at him to come over in my direction. He does a chin nod towards me and says, "I'll be there in a second ma'am." What accent is that? Scottish? no. Italian? no. It's definitely not English but while I was drowning in my pool of thought, he walks over to me.

"Hello ma'am, what would you like to drink?" he says with his mysterious accent.

"Nothing actually, I'm the new barmaid." I say. His eyes widen a little with excitement.

"Oh really? That's wonderful! We've needed a new barmaid for a while, especially after," He hesitates as his smile turns more serious but still cheery. I wonder. Who was here before me? Before I could ask he says,"Thank god you applied. What's your name, gorgeous." I can't hide my cheeks from turning bright read at the sound of the word gorgeous. I don't receive many complements. Mostly because of the fact that I'm always either at home finishing up some online Uni courses, or at the VM office. So hearing this gave me a tiny boost today as I had been feeling lowsy from not sleeping well preparing for this goddamn interview. He smirks a little bit, knowing that he's made me blush.

"My name's Clara. Clara Quinn." I say

"ooooh, fun name. I've always loved the name Clara. It suites you!"

"Thanks! So what's your name?" I ask.

"Mine? Oh, well it's kind of regular. It's not as extravagant as Clara." He's playing the game. He's playing the 'I'm going to see how long I can make you wait' game. Damnit, I hate that game.

"Clara, Clara, Clara. You know I really like that name." He keeps trying to play, so I do the one thing I can do. I give him that look. THE look. The one that says, "I'm done with your shit." And he finally answers, "Ha Okay fine, my name is Tom."

"Oh. Is it short for Thomas? or..."

"Nope, just Tom." Okay now the accent is bugging me again. What is it? I have heard it somewhere before but, nowhere regular.

"Ahh interesting." I say, but I can't stop thinking about his accent, I'm beginning to feel frustrated that I can't recognize it so I just say fuck it and ask," Okay, this has been bugging me for the past 5 minutes, but, where are you from?"

"Oh haha, I get asked this all the time. Well I'm from America. New Orleans to be exact. Ever heard of it?" 

The only times I've heard of New Orleans was in movies and tv shows and some songs when I was younger. "Yeah I've heard of it but I've never been out of the country." 

"Really? Oh well you should come visit if you ever get the chance to go to America. Technically I have a southern American accent, but don't worry I don't associate with most people down there, which is why I'm here." I'm getting so caught up with this conversation that I didn't realize that there were customers waiting for Tom to get back to work. So I say, "Oh no I'm holding you up! Get back to work, Tom from New Orleans, they need you! And also tomorrow you need to 'show me some ropes' as you Americans say. Or at least I think that's what you say." He nods and then says,

"Eh you're close, but we'll work on it tomorrow Clara Quinn." I smile at him. He goes to help the people waiting and I grab my stuff that I had put on the counter during our conversation. I walk to the door, weaving around each table in my way. I get to the tall glass push and pull doors. Man, this place was brilliant.

As I leave, I take out my car keys from my pocket and unlock my crappy, beat up, car. Good think I parked far down the street from the pub. You can still see it from here, but I don't think Hank would've hired me if he saw this wrinkly hag.

I started to walk along the sidewalk I see two boys in the distance talking and laughing. As I get close enough to hear what they're saying I hear the blonde one say, "C'mon, Harry it's your wedding, You HAVE, to have a bachelor party." Was that an Irish accent? Yes, yes it was! See? I'm good with accents! Well, at least the ones close to me.

Then the brown haired boy named Harry, I think, says, "I just don't think getting drunk the night before my wedding would be a good idea."

"C'mon! We could... we could....." The light brown haired kid said while looking around, and once he saw the big "Bowie's" sign his face brightened up, "We could go to Bowie's tomorrow night. I know how much you love that place."

"Niall-" Harry starts.

"C'mon don't be difficult, this is for you! I'll make sure that we don't do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Fine."

"WOOHOO! We're getting pissed tomorrow!" the light brown haired boy yelled while they walked past me. Niall? Strange name. I've never heard it before. Well I guess I'll see them tomorrow night.

I finally got my car open after turning this goddamn key in the door handle for the last 3 minutes. But, to be fair I also wanted to hear their conversation because I'm nosey. But, now I can finally get out of this freezing cold. So open the car with all my stuff in my hands. Once I shut the door, all I could think about was warmth. I needed it. I threw all my stuff on the seat next to me. I was just so excited to go home and make myself a warm cup of tea. Camomile with honey and a splash of milk. 

My mum used to make it for me whenever I was cold or couldn't sleep when I was young. I miss her more and more as every day passes. But right now all I can think about is getting out of these uncomfortable clothes and snuggling up with my tea and a good book.


	2. Two : The Calm Before the Storm

RAAA RAA RAA RAA ,

ugh can my alarm clock be any more annoying?

RAAA RAAA RAAA.

"Goddamn it." I grumble as I roll over to pound the alarm clock over and over until it finally stops. I roll back onto my back and stair up at my ceiling. Today is my first official day at Bowie's and I have to look healthy, well rested, and full of energy because I'll be there until half passed 2 in the morning. Those are the requirements of being a good worker on the first day of a new job, or night I guess, to my mum. 

She constantly would have new jobs every few months because she was a freelance event planner. She did things like company parties, to a full out extravagant weddings, and birthday parties. She would teach me a lot of her tips and tricks when it came to her job. Like where to place the silverware, what colors are more appealing to the eye, how to create a simple yet elegant center piece, and so much more. I admit that I still have a skill for planning, but after she died, the thought of it terrified me. I couldn't do it justice, not the way she did it. I Kept all of her binders and journals detailing every event she's planned in her 43 years of life, but I have yet to open them. Even her dream wedding she planned at age 7. Before she died, she left me a journal so that If I wanted to, I could continue her legacy, but I could never push myself enough to open it. It spelled out on the cover;

Clara Lily Quinn, my little Claralily

Bloom for me, and never let yourself wilt.

K.J.Q. 

Katherine Josephine Quinn. Claralily was her nickname for me ever since I was a baby. It's been 9 years and it still aches.

My father David, and younger brother Elijah took it really hard too, but my brother didn't have the same kind of bond my mother and I shared, as I didn't share his and our fathers. They did absolutely everything together and we were a fairly happy family until she died. My father was very distraught, it was his wife after all, but his approach to coping was to distance himself from anyone and everyone. I guess it's worked out so far because after she died I always felt this disconnect with my father and brother. It's like they are still there, I see them, but I can never feel them, not the way it was before. I do love them, but it's different now. Once I went off to Uni we grew estranged, I don't think I've talked to my brother in 3 years. My father checks up on me at least once every few months, but at this point I think he does it because it's polite. I always think about what could've been. What should've been. The things I wanted her to see, trauma I wish she was here to help me through, and just times I wanted to spend with her. But I know I can't dwell on it, no matter how much I want to, it won't bring her back and like the journal said, I must bloom for her, and never wilt. 

-

I want to have a very productive day before I have to actually go into work. I should go to the gym, and have a nice lunch at a cafe. That would be awesome. But, knowing me, I'll probably run half a mile on a treadmill, call it a day, and then grab some rubbish food to eat. But because of Bowie's, today I'm going to make myself be productive.

Sighing dramatically I lifted myself up off of the bed and waddled to the kitchen wearing one of my oversized t-shirts I always wear to bed. I pulled open the pantry looking around for anything appetizing soon settling on coco puffs, I know it isn't great but it's either that or lasagna and its 9 in the morning. I took a handful of the cereal into my mouth. I couldn't find the energy to go all the way to the fridge for milk so instead I plopped onto the couch eating dry cereal. I kept zoning out and thinking about my first day at work. I think it'll be fun to work there though. I get to meet and see a lot of different kinds of people who come to a pub every night, and listen to their stories. I'm excited.

Shit. I should probably start getting ready if I want to look like a human by 7pm. I know it seems like it's too early, but a lot is going into this first day, I have a good feeling. And I'm not just saying that because of that cute Irish lad I saw.

I got up and walked into my room, looking through my mess of a closet for some yoga pants and my old Nirvana t-shirt. Deciding to go on a quick jog, I grab my phone and earpods and start walking outside. It's so beautiful and calm in London in the morning. You see so much more.

I turned on my workout playlist and start jogging absent mindedly down the street. Occasionally saying Hi to my neighbors. I flip through Panic! at the Disco, Abba, Queen, Smallpools, and that occasional Jonas Brothers track. 

I decided to just run around the block a couple of times. The first lap was easy, the second lap was a little bit harder but by the third lap I was already dying. I didn't want to overwork myself to I walked the rest of the way home and headed straight for the shower.

I grabbed my outfit for the day from my closet and immediately got in the shower. I decided to just in case wear comfortable enough clothes so I can easily change into my uniform when I need to head over to Bowie's. I grabbed a clean white T-shirt, and a pair of jeans, and my black work shoes, as I will be standing on my feel for almost 8 hours.

All I can think about is work. The bachelor party, Tom, the drama he hid from me yesterday, and figuring out what the fuck I'm actually doing the entire time as it is my first day. At least I'll have Tom there to keep me company.

Once I was dressed I checked the time. Noon. I decide to curl my hair like I did the day before and to do elegant but simple makeup for the day. Maybe a wing, some eyebrows, and natural face makeup and I'm good to go. I pack up my small backpack with my uniform and all the essentials needed from now until work. It's now 3:30 pm and I have some time to kill. I decided to text my friend Aubrey and ask if she wants to meet up for an hour or two.

"Hey girl! What are you up to right now?" I asked.

"Um, nothing, just Netflix." She replied.

"You want to meet up for some late lunch and coffee?"

"Is that even a question?! I'll be there in 5 minutes." This is why I love her, she's always ready for anything and is always there when I need her.

It doesn't even feel like 5 minutes when I hear a knock at the door. I rushed to answer it and opened it to a smiling Aubrey. We hugged and walked outside to lock my door and drive to a cafe.

"So do you still have your first day of work today?" she jokingly asked.

"Yes" I half grown half squeal. I can't hide some level of excitement for some reason.

"So we'll go out and get drunk right now?" She joked even though I knew part of her was serious. I rolled my eyes at her as we both walk to our separate cars, "Just meet me at Henry's Cafe." I hop in and we follow each other to the cafe. 

Aubrey and I have pretty much been best friends ever since my mum died. What's weird about it though is that we're polar opposites. I was very cynical and negative after she died, but Aubrey was that ray of sunshine that kept me afloat when I had no one left to hold me up. She has always been what I wish I could be, she's rebellious and adventurous where as I'm the good girl. I hate the feeling after I get into trouble. If I mess up or do something wrong even if it's as small as coming to class late, I will go into a full blown panic attack. I usually won't go to class if I'm late honestly. I get regular panic attacks randomly, but this is my biggest trigger for the times it isn't random. I do take meds and I like to think I have it mostly under control, but Aubrey also helped me with that too. I feel like if I don't do something completely perfect and right then I'm disappointing my mum's legacy. Aubrey helped me through most of this, but not all. I'm still learning, still blooming, we all are, you never stop learning.

-

As me and Aubrey paid the check for the food, we walked up to the counter to order our coffee, I'm going to need it to last me through my entire shift. We realized that we spent way too much time talking in this tiny cafe that a few hours have gone by, but it felt so effortlessly fun. I look over at her.

"Thank you for always being there for me." I say. She nervously giggles.

"No problem Clara. Why are you saying this?"

"I don't know, I've just been reminiscing about the last 9 years, my mum, family, friends." As I say the last word I nudge her arm, "Thank you for sticking with me."

"Of course girl, You would do and have done the same for me every time."

"True." I laugh.

"Clara! Audry!" the worker yells.

"It's...," she hesitates, "Aubrey" she finishes quietly. I laugh. For the next 30 min we walk around the little section of London this cafe resides and I casually take a glance at my phone and... WHAT!? It's 6:45!! I look at my friend and I quickly say goodbye, but she knows me well enough to understand the frantic nature of my goodbye. 

I grabbed my keys from my bag, got into the car and sped to Bowie's. Holy shit I'm going to be late.

Surprisingly getting there 3 minutes early, I run through the door only to see an empty counter and a bored looking Tom waiting for customers. Once he saw me, his eyes lit up and a huge smile emitted from his face, which made me smile.

I walk up to him and say,"Hi Tom! I need to change I'll be right back."

"Take your time, it's not like there's anyone here." He responds.

I fast walk to the bathroom and slip on my uniform and shove everything else into my bag.I walk back out to the bar and nod to Tom.

"Hello beautiful," He answers my nod, I couldn't help but blush. He's charming I'll give him that, but I haven't gotten complemented like that, well ever. Especially not in a genuine way. So just hearing the words makes me react strange. 

"You ready for work?" He questions, assessing my frantic, out of breathe nature.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I say back. 

"Good because I will be training you tonight." Training? How did I not think of this? I can't just go straight in without any information. I'm glad it's him though and not Hank. He shows me all of the most common drinks, I can make them pretty well. He says to stick to making these tonight and if anyone asks for anything else, he'll do it. After about 30 minutes of pure training, customers start trickling in. The night drinkers.

I start serving them and I'm actually starting to get the hang of this barmaid thing. While I'm serving this one man his third, and last, whisky neat, I hear a familiar call. 

"C'mon Harry!!! This is your night!" The Niall man exclaims in excitement. I look up immediately and make brief eye contact with him. 

Oh no. 

I look back at what I'm doing, but I can tell out of the corner of my eye that he's still looking in this direction. I look up again, I can't help it, he's just nice to look at. I look up again and back at him, he instantly looks at his friends again, as if he's trying to not look like he was obviously looking at me. They all start cheering, and I just know that I'm in for a long night ahead of me.


	3. Three : Stormy Night vol.1

There were 2 men who had walked in along with Niall and Harry. I guess Tom saw that I was looking at them because he then asked, "Do you know them?"

"No, but I know why they're here. I heard two of them talking last night as I was walking to my car after my interview." I reply, "You see that tall one with short brown floppy hair? He's getting married and this is his bachelor party."

"Oh I get it. Well now you have to be the one to serve them." He points out.

"Why me?" I hear a hint of fear come out as I say this. 

"Look it's obvious you're interested in them. You haven't stopped looking at them since they arrived." He's not wrong I haven't stopped looking at them. I'm trying to understand them, but I keep glancing at Niall. "Plus, drunk people always tell you their life story so you might hear some fun stories that they wouldn't tell someone like me that we can swap after work."

"What do you mean?" I look back at Tom.

"You're definitely more approachable and they will definitely want to talk to the pretty, new barmaid." 

"Pretty?"

"Just get your ass over there." Tom finishes. I nod to him and walk over to the 7 men that were sitting at the counter waiting for one of us to help them.

"What can I get for you?" I ask. And the boy from last night with the light brown hair, Niall, says, "It's this man's bachelor party and we need to show this guy a fun time." They really do tell you everything. 

"We'd like a shot each of your best whiskey, I'm paying." Finally, something simple. I've been making so many complicated drinks that this is a nice pause. Right after he said that, the short boy groaned and said, "Don't be a little shit Niall, we could all pitch in." in a comedic yet serious way.

"Yeah but you're not the best man, Louis, and as one of the listed duties of the best man I must pay." they both sat back in their seats while I start setting down the shot glasses. As I'm setting down each glass and pouring the Whiskey, I ask, "So who is the lucky fiancé?"

Harry looks up and says, "Are you talking to me?" 

"Yes" I answer, "What's their name?"

"Her name is Caroline, we've been together for 5 years and I'm happy, but I'm anxious for the day."

"When is it?" I ask as I finish pouring all the shots and place them on the counter in front of each man. 

"Two weeks from today." He answers with an anxious smile. I can tell he doesn't necessarily want to be here right now, especially after overhearing their conversation from last night, I know he doesn't. At this moment Niall starts talking over everyone, "Everyone, we raise our shots to this lad and his last few weeks of freedom." 

"Cheers" They all say in unison. He then glances over to me, we make eye contact again. It was brief but it seemed to feel as if it lingered. I poor one more for Harry and say, "This one's on the house." he smiles and takes the shot, all of his friends cheer again. This doesn't seem like their first drinks of the night.

"Okay so who's up for a pint?" Niall asks the group, they all respond with a positive grunt. I walk away to begin to pour all of their pints of beer as I take other people's orders. Another beer here, a mixed drink there, a shot over there. This is actually quite hard, I had never thought it would be this difficult.

-

The pub has started to empty and the only people left are those 4 guys. Over the night I have learned all of their names; Niall Horan, the cute Irish one that keeps looking at me. Harry Styles, the wedding lad, Louis Tomlinson, the funny sarcastic one, and Liam Payne, the designated driver, who ended up drinking anyways. They all seem really fun to be around after spending all this time serving them.

I'm starting to feel exhausted after being on my feet for the last 7 hours. The pub is open late and I'm here until closing at 2:30am and I'm so close to the end. I decide to sit down because my feet are killing me and there's nothing more for me to do since those guys haven't been drinking for a bit.

But right when I sit down the Irish one calls to me, "Hey barmaid! come here!" I look up and there he is, with that dumb smile that I've decided that I like over the last several hours. Yes, he's very attractive but right now he's pissed beyond all reason. 

"Yes?" I say. "We're going to head out and I need to pay you. I nod gesture for him to come to the counter for me to process his payment.

"Liam get my car!" Niall says to Liam. My eyes widen. I know he was supposed to drive but after seeing all he's been drinking, he shouldn't be driving.

"You guys aren't seriously going to drive when you're all this plastered are you?" I ask concerned.

"He's fine!" Niall turns to Liam, "You are fine right?" 

"Honestly, I'm quite pissed." He responds with a giggle. Oh god. I got to do something.

"You know my shift is over once you leave, I can fit you all in my car. I don't mind driving." I offer, but it's really not an offer, but a demand. I can't allow them to potentially hurt themselves, for my own personal morals, and for legal reasons. I know it isn't smart to offer to drive strangers, but I've gotten to know them and they seem fine enough for me to drive home. Especially since most of them will probably be asleep on the way.

"Oh no. We can't possibly put that responsibility on you." Niall responds. You know for someone who's been drinking the same amount as the others, he's acting a lot more present.

"Don't worry, it's my choice, and I don't think I could live with myself if anything were to happen" I look back at him with that look that shows that I'm not going to stop until he gives in.

"Fine." he says in defeat, but he smiles, I think deep down he's relieved. I smile at him and nod. Once I finished the transaction, I clock out on the computer attached to the register and grab my backpack. I walk up to Tom and say, "Thank you for teaching me the basics today." I reach out my left arm for a side hug, He mirrors my movement to complete the gesture and replies, "Of course, tomorrow will be more advanced so come in ready." I let out a small giggle and respond with "Goodnight!" as I walk back over to the boys. "Goodnight Clara" He responds after me.

I start walking with the boys to my car. Oh no, I forgot about how rubbish my car actually was, God this is going to be embarrassing. I start to unlock my car door when Louis says, "Nice little box you got here." I laugh nervously, but don't respond. Niall gets Into the Passengers seat and the other three squeeze in the back. 

"Where to first?" I ask Niall as he is the most coherent one.

"To Harry and Louis' flat. I'll show you the way." I then follow his directions as best as I can. "Down this road", "Up this hill", "Through this... thing". I catch myself giggling every time he can't find the word. Not in a mocking way, but in an endearing way. After a good 10 minutes we show up to this apartment complex just outside of London. Harry and Louis are woken up and kind of shoved out of the car by Liam because he was still trying to stay sleep. "Bye lads!" Niall calls after them as they wave back at him. I watch them until I can see that they've made it inside the building. 

"Where to next, Niall?" I ask as I see them walk inside.

"Liam's." I laugh a little bit too loud and Liam grumbles behind me. "Sorry" I whisper back at him. We drive for about 15 blocks and end up at this big beautiful house. "Wow" I say out loud without realizing. 

"It's really nice." Niall says as if to make me feel comfortable.

"Come on, lad, time to go home." Niall says to him to wake him, "We can't make her drive any longer than she needs to." He looks back to me, we make eye contact and he finishes with,"This is already generous enough, Thank you so much." As drunk as he is, he's very sweet. Liam gets out of the car and walks hunched all the way up to his door. He is almost knocked out. Once he's inside I'm back on the road again.

I'm exhausted and it's making me anxious. What if I fall asleep behind the wheel? What if we crash because I'm too tired? All these thoughts start racing through my head, and I started noticeably breathing heavy and shaking. Oh no I'm about to have a panic attack. No this is the absolute worst time for this to happen. I decide to immediately pull over because I know I can't drive when this happens. 

"Hey are you okay?" He asks and looks at me confused but then notices my hands shaking. I forgot he was there completely. I started dissociating from my body while breathing harder as if all the air in the world had just vanished. I look up at him. I notice that I have tunnel vision and I move my entire head to be able to see him. He's a stranger, in my car that I just met tonight at the pub and now he's witnessing one of my most personal struggles unfold right in front of him. All I manage to do is shake my head. I can't speak, I'm feeling light headed and I almost completely faint but before I could I felt an arm around me, and another one unbuckle my seatbelt. He must've noticed my weakened state cus he helped me hold up my head as I lay on his shoulder. Still shaking, still breathing strange, but comforted. It's almost as if he knew exactly what to do. 

I close my eyes and force myself to only focus on my breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. He grabs my hand and starts to stroke it as well as stroking my head with his other hand. It comforts me. Once I open my eyes, I noticed that my tunnel vision is going away and I'm beginning to breath normally again. I muster up enough strength to pull myself back over to my seat. That was one of the shortest panic attacks I've ever experienced. I still feel a little dissociated, but I'm coming to. I've never been comforted like that before, most of the times I go through this alone.

I look back at him and he looks concerned but calm. He seems way too comfortable right now. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I get these panic attacks every now and then, and that happens." I say with a bit of shame in my words. I never want people to see me like that. I look down and away as to hide my face as there are some tears on my face. I must've been crying during it. 

The next think I know a hand grabs mine and is turned toward him, I look up at him. In a calm voice he says, "No need to apologize, I understand. My little brother used to get them really bad when we were young and I'd be the one to help him whenever it would happen." That explains why he was so good at comforting me. 

At this point I was completely awake and calm. He seems to be sobering up too. "Thank you, Niall." Is all I can muster out. I look down again and notice we're still holding each others hand while he's fondling mind with his thumb. Almost out of nowhere he spats, "Do you want to do something?" 

"What?" I respond really taken off guard.

"I mean do you want to grab something small at a food shop and take some time to calm down before you start driving again? I know this area well because of Liam and on late nights we'd go down grab some food and sit at the park and just talk." Not going to lie, this does sound really nice. I'm definitely not tired anymore and I forgot to eat dinner because I was serving these wild men all night. 

"But, what if you're a murderer or something?" I ask half joking, half completely serious. He chuckles.

"Now if I was a murderer, don't you think I would've done it by now? Besides I don't even have my car or phone because I left it all back at the pub." He says while laughing, "Also I'm still a tad drunk, so if anything you kidnapped me. You have the upper hand here." I can't help but blush and laugh at the same time. He's not wrong.


	4. Four : Stormy Night vol.2

"Okay fine, but only an hour maximum." 

"Of course." We both jump out of the car and I instantly start to shiver.

Shit! I forgot to bring a coat! I only had the intention of going right back home, not to go out on the town with this cute Irish boy on the edge of London. He seems to have noticed because I witness him taking off his thick brown coat and hold it open for me to place my arms through. I oblige. 

"There's this small food shop down that way" and points down the road we're on in the opposite way we were driving. We walk over to the shop and enter to a very empty market. We head over to the snack section as we can't really make anything. I grab a bag of my favorite crisps and a soda.He walks back over to me with the same exact thing. We chuckle at the irony. 

Once we paid for our snacks and walked back outside, we walked across the road to this small but open park with some swings and a children's play set. I slightly jump with glee when I see the swings, they were my favorite thing as a child. 

"Can we go on the swings?" I ask with almost embarrassing excitement. He jumps mockingly and says,"Yes." I playfully hit his arm as I laugh. We sit on the double swings next to one another as we open our bags of crisps and begin eating. 

"So tell me more about you." He says.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, tell me about why you're here in London. Start it simple." I give him a small smile. 

"Well, I'm originally from a small town outside of Brighton, but I moved over here when I started uni and have been here ever since. I like it here." I answer, "What about you? Why is an Irish boy like you doing on London?"

He looks down,"Me and my mother moved here after we left my father. I didn't understand at the time why we had to move so far, but looking back I definitely understand. It was to keep us safe. So ever since I was 8 I have been here. I actually met the boys in secondary school in one of my classes. We got on really well, they're like my brothers." Wow, I don't know what happened with his father, but I didn't want to ask. It's too soon. 

Too soon? You're talking like this is more than a one night thing. I think to myself. 

"That's good that you had them though. I wonder what they were like then if they act like that now." I say while pointing behind me to signal the time in the pub.

"Yeah, they were a lot to handle, but we all were. Believe it or not we're more tame now."

"Oh really?" I say sarcastically. We both laugh. I start swinging back and fourth as to fill the silence with some fun. Usually when I sit in silence with a stranger, or a friend even, there's some awkward tension in the air, but not right now. I feel comfortable being silent with him. And before I have a chance to think about it I blurt it out, "I'm really enjoying this."

"Enjoying what?" He asks confused. 

"I don't know, I'm just enjoying the moment. I don't feel awkward around you." Did I really just say that oh my god.

"haha I don't feel awkward around you either." he agrees. I feel a sense of relief wash over me. I start feeling tired of swinging so I get off and he questions,"Where are you going?" 

"To look at the stars!" I yell back at him as I walk over to one of the tables next to the play set and I lay down on the surface, putting my food on the seat below me. He follow suit and lays on the table next to me but in the opposite direction so that our heads are next to each other.

"Star gazing is one of my favorite pass times. It calms me." he looks at me and I look back. My forehead is almost touching his chin but we stay separate.

"So when did the panic attacks start?" He asks with a shimmer of concern in his expression.

"After my mum died, I was 13."

"Oh my god I'm so sor-" I cut him off.

"Don't be, it's weirder when people don't talk about her." He looks back up at the stars. 

"What was she like?" He simply asks.

"She was amazing. She was the glue to our family and had so much love for us that it was like a constant feeling of warmth around you every day. So when she got sick, the possibility of losing her and that warmth started to cause some anxieties, but not too bad. I would dissociate a bit or get tunnel vision every now and then when I thought about it, but it was never anything more than small events until she died. After that all of me fears were realized and I guess they have stayed ever since." God I sound so sad. "But it's been nine years and I've definitely grown and gotten better but they still happen every now and then. Now they're more random, before there would be something that triggered it. It especially got bad in Uni from not so great experiences, but I think I've been doing quite well actually." 

"Wow" is all he responds. I don't know what I was expecting from him but that wasn't it. 

"Wow what?" I say in a calm and curious manner. 

"I have only just met you and you're already one of the strongest people I have ever met." My heart skipped a beat. I only just met him, and I'm already getting strong feelings from being around him. "Thank you." Is all I can think to say. 

"It's true." He turns his head towards me again, and I, him,"You're one strong motherfucker." He says in an effort to lighten the mood. I blush and smile from his compliment, and he lets out a small laugh and I join him.

We both look back up at the sky and I move my arm to grab my phone from my back pocket to check the time. I look at the screen and instantly sit up, making myself slightly light headed. 

"Niall, it's almost half past four in the morning!!" I say frantically. He just turns his head to look at me and chuckles.

"And what's so bad with that? We could watch the sunrise if we stay for 30 minutes." He says calmly.

"I have work tomorrow at 2:00pm! I need to sleep, Niall." He finally sits up.

"Alright, alright, but we will watch the sunrise one day." One day? Is he implying that we'll be together again? I've honestly had such an amazing time with him tonight that I would be gutted if we never spoke again. 

"One Day?" I ask for clarification. 

"Yeah. I'm enjoying your company." My heart flutters inside my chest. I just met this man, how am I already feeling this way? 

"And I, yours." I respond, "Now let's walk back to the car." He stands up and walks over to my side to help me down from the top of the table. 

"Thank you." I say randomly as we walk back to my car. 

"For what?" I look at him and see a small smirk grow on his lips. I can tell he knows exactly what, he just wants me to say it to him. 

"For this, for helping me, and getting me food, and for not being a complete arse of a drunk all night." 

"Well, it's been my pleasure." He says as he playfully bows. I nudge his arm as I laugh.

"No seriously, you really helped me tonight." We had just made it to my car so I turn to look at him and we are about 7 inches apart. "I don't think I've ever been able to get through that as quickly as I did tonight, and you really took care of me when you totally could have murdered me." He chuckles. 

"Well, I'm glad I could be the one to help you. And besides I'd never want to murder the beautiful Bowie's barmaid, they'd lose an amazing worker." He says this while tucking my hair behind my ear. The feeling of his hand on my face and neck sends shivers throughout my body. His blue eyes stare into mine as he starts to lean in. As much as I want to kiss him something inside me forces me to pull away. I don't know why I do this. I find something good and I always ruin it somehow. 

All I can think to say is, " We should get going." And he looks slightly sad. UGH why did I do that?! We both get in the car and I drive him to his flat he shares with one of his uni mates. The car ride is mostly silent with the occasional, "Turn right here" and "Go down this way." As well as the low volume of Queen playing on the radio. 

Once we get to his flat, we both hesitate for a few seconds before talking. I feel so embarrassed and I blurt out, "You know it's not that I didn't want to, you know." He looks over to me. 

"I understand, I do." he smiles at me with a hint of defeat. He then says, "Here are my car keys." And he takes off his car key from his key chain, grabs my hand, and places it in my palm. 

"Why are you giving me your car keys?" I ask quizzically.

"Well, I need to grab my car at the pub tomorrow anyways. Now I have a reason to see you." He gives me a cheeky smile and I respond by blushing at his words.

"I-" I start to say but can't finish a thought. I want to see him tomorrow so badly. 

We just sit in comfortable silence for half a minute. To break it he asks,"So what Is your full name? You know mine now." He looks down shyly, "And all I could see was Clara Q. on your name tag."

"My name is Clara Lily Quinn, I live in a one room flat, with two jobs, and my bank number is-" I cut myself off of my mockery and we both laugh at my attempt at a joke. 

"Well" He says as he opens the car door, " I'll see you tomorrow after 2:00p, Clara Lily Quinn." He smirks at me with a cheeky grin. I can tell he knows exactly what his words to do me, because I instantly blush again. I don't think my cheeks have been this flush since, well since before that one incident in Uni. I instantly feel a pang of anxiety shoot through me as I remember that night. 

I shake it off and force myself to push it out of my mind as I look up at him. "Goodnight, Niall Horan."

"James. My middle name is James." He smirks again 

"Niall James Horan, I like that. Sounds important."

"Goodnight, Clara" he says through a laugh. Ugh I love when he laughs. It makes me feel happy, as if its infectious. 

"Goodnight, Niall" He shuts the door and walks up to his building. I stay and wait for him to get inside, but right before he reaches the door he turns around, waves and smiles at me as a last goodbye for the night, then walks inside. My insides melt, and I am overcome with contentment of the night mixed with fear of what any of this means for my future. I want this. I need this. It's been two years since the incident with Matt and I haven't let myself be happy with any potential because of fear that the events will repeat themselves. I know I should be completely happy and blissful, but I simply can't, no matter how much I want to. 

Niall's handsome, funny, charming, and cheeky sometimes, but I always push people away. That's just what I do when things get too serious or intimate, I flee. 

I drive back to my flat which surprisingly is only a ten minute drive from Niall's. I'm thinking about our night under the stars the whole drive and walk up to my flat. 

I put mine and Nialls keys next to the door and walk into my room like a zombie. I check my alarm clock next to me and it reads 5:30am. I change into my big loose sleep shirt as I wipe away the night from my face and set my alarm clock for 11:00am. I'm proper exhausted now. I lay down on my bed and slowly deepen into sleep. And what I dream of is a different story.

What could've been.


	5. Five : Building

I'm sitting in my living room drinking my signature hot tea while wrapped in a thick, warm blanket.

I can hear the rain pouring down outside as I look out of the window. This is my perfect scenario. The rain is such a beautiful sound, I feel cozy, I feel content, happy.

"CLARAAAAA!!" I hear from behind me. I jump at the volume and turn to look behind me.

"Do you want any of the popcorn? I don't know if I should get a separate bowl." Niall calls from the kitchen.

"We can just eat out of the same one!" I say back while giggling like an idiot looking for something to watch on the tele. I start to hear footsteps coming closer and closer from behind, until I finally see Niall about to sit on the couch next to me.

"Wait, let me put my tea down first."

"Why?" He asks annoyed.

"I don't want to spill, idiot." I say with a smile. He puts down the popcorn on the table in front of me and smiles back at me. He sits next to me once I set down my tea and wraps his arms around me to pull me into a cuddling position.

"You're so adorable, Clara. You annoy the shit out of me, but I still love you." Then he plants a kiss on the top of my head as he pulls me in closer. I oblige and we lay there in a -

BAAAA BAAAA BAAAA

I jump awake to the sound of my alarm, disappointed for some reason. Wait I know the reason. Niall. I just dreamt about the boy I met one day ago as if we were together. It's almost like I just wanted to stay in that place.

Clara, what the hell is wrong with you? One night and you're already mad for him.

I need to work out right now, it really helps me clear my mind. So I get up, brush my teeth, exchange my big shirt for running clothes, and go outside for a run.

First I run a few blocks, then I get the urge to keep running farther and farther. It felt like I was running away, it felt good because in that moment, everything was gone besides the pavement beneath my feet.

After a good 20 minutes of non-stop running, I stop in the middle of the road to sit down and rest on the edge. But, I immediately start thinking of him.

He was pissed last night! How can I know if any of that means anything if he may not even remember it today. I need to let it go, especially because I know myself and I'll just end up screwing this up like I have every other time.

But as many times as I tell myself to stop feeling this way, my heart just doesn't want to listen.

I stand up and run back home as to try to keep these thoughts out of my head once again. I see a building here, a house there, and I come across this one apartment building that looks very familiar. Weirdly familiar.

And almost as soon as I hesitate in front of the building, the front door opens and an awfully handsome Niall, in a suit I might add, walks out. A suit? He looks so dapper and.. oh no I need to get out of here I don't want him to see me.

Before we could make eye contact, I back away and turn around to pull my hood over my head, and start sprinting home.

I feel so awful. I like him, I fancy him even, but I know it's in both of our best interests if we stay away.

But then why do I not want to believe it. Something inside of me keeps pushing me towards the idea that this might be the time it works out. I never feel this way. What the fuck has this boy done to me?!?

I finally stumble upon my small apartment building. I swear I feel like I just ran a kilo all around London. I walk back upstairs and into my flat. I look at the time and it says 12:30pm, oh thank got I have an hour to get ready. I walk over to turn on the shower, grab my second uniform as the other one is dirty, and get in to let the hot water wash over me like a warm hug. Damn you Niall.

After my shower I get dressed, blow dry my hair and put it up into a simple ponytail, and do some basic makeup. I don't feel the need to make myself extra pretty today, especially since it's the day shift.

Once the clock reads 2:00, I grab my bag, Niall and I's keys, and head off to work. I mostly do this job on the weekends, and twice during the week, but this weekend has already felt longer than most. But in a way I'm happy about it. I often feel like life moves too fast. And I never have time to just enjoy the present. And so far this has felt slow but relaxing. As if I could just pause life and enjoy the moment.

I get to the pub and park my car next to what I presume is Niall's and walk in to start day 2.

Sunday's aren't as busy and we close earlier so it's a lot more laid back.

After about an hour of pouring drinks, shots, and pints, I see the dapper and handsome Niall walk through the door. Obviously not pissed. Most likely hung over.

"Hey, Clara!" He said happily. He sounds just as he did in my dream from last night. I look at him with a big smile.

"Hey Niall! What brings you here?" I say sarcastically. I take his keys from my pocket and hold them in the air.

"Just had to pick up something I left with this really annoying yet stunning barmaid." Then gives me that cheeky smile again. I gulp. I don't know what to say to that, he just called me stunning. If it were any other man to do that, I would feel uncomfortable but with him I feel admired. I then smile back and place the keys in his open hand.

"Thank you so much for last night, I was in no position to drive, so I'm grateful that you stepped in. I had a really nice time." He says

"I'm glad I could help. I had a really nice time as well." I look down sort of embarrassed.

"Also," he lowers his voice to a whisper so only I can hear, "I'm really sorry for trying to kiss you I understand if I made you uncomfortable"

"Oh no, you didn't, don't worry about it!" Should I tell him I wanted to kiss him too, or if we should see each other again or get his phone number, but before I could make a coherent sentence in my head, he begins.

"I would love to talk to you more! Here's my number." He hands me a small card. A business card. Wow he's a business man.

"This is your cell phone?" I ask astonished.

"The second one is. The first one is work, so just ignore that." Is he trying to show off or was it just easier to pull it out than to write on a napkin?

"Thank you, Niall. I'd love to see you again." I agree back to his first statement.

"So dinner tonight?" I almost choke on my confusion of his question.

"What?" I blurt out.

"I'll pick you up after your shift is over, and I'll take you to my favorite place."

"But I don't have anything to wear! I'm in my uniform!"

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out."

"Erm. Okay then? I get off at 6:30."

"Perfect I'll see you then, Miss Quinn." And gives me that smile again.

What. Just. Happened.

That was so smooth! Wow he's so different completely sober and in his work clothes. I would've never have guessed the funny and sweet man from last night would be this suave and charming business man in the day. And I can honestly say I love it.

I look down at the card he handed to me and read it.

Niall James Horan  
Marketing Assistant  
MV Entertainment

MVE?!?? They own VM! The company he works for owns the company I intern for. What a small world. Or city, as I should say. I flip it over to find some scribbled writing on the back.

To Clara, everything will be alright I promise. 

With a drawn on heart under it. I can tell he's referring to my anxiety, I just know it. I think he secretly knew that doing a stunt like taking me to dinner without a set plan would raise some anxieties in me. I honestly could cry thinking about how thoughtful this small secret message was. 

"What's that?" Tom asks from behind me.

"Remember that guy from the bachelor party last night that was kind of loud. He gave me his number. And he's taking me to dinner tonight."

"Oh wow. I was wondering why he came back today." He looks down and doesn't say anything more and walks away to continue serving new customers. That's weird. I know I'm new here, but what was that all about? I brush it off and place the card into my bag that I keep under the counter. 

-

I look at the clock on the wall of the pub and it reads 6:15pm. I have 15 minutes until Niall comes back to pick me up for our date. Will he have a fancy outfit for me picked out or will it be a more laid back date. Date? This really is a date. Oh my god. Instantly my anxiety shoots up again. A date with this kind and charming Irish man. I don't know if this anxiety is coming from me being nervous about having a good time or about fear of repeating the past. He definitely doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do what Matt did. But also Matt didn't seem like one to do what he did either, so you really can never know. 

I decide to do some breathing exercises to calm my nerves. Breathe in hold for 3 seconds and release. I do that again and again. He doesn't know my past, he doesn't know my trauma. For all I know he could truly be this gentle sweet guy, but I won't know unless I do it. Before I could talk myself out of it I pull out the card and text the number on it. This way, I know I can't turn back.

*Hey Niall, it's Clara! I'm almost off!* 

There I did it. It's happening. I let out a large breath. It's now 6:25 and the anticipation is ramping up. I turn to Tom and say, "I'm about to leave, is there anything you need me to do before I clock out?" 

"No. You're good, just have a good time tonight." He says this in the most non-believable way. He gives me a half smile and turns away before I can respond. At that moment I see bright lights flash into the windows of the pub from this nice car parking out front. And surely enough, a nicely dressed Niall gets out and smiled at me through the window. 

I walk out with my bag in hand.

"Hello, Clara Quinn." He says in the most proper accent.

"You know you don't have to say my full name like that." I say back.

"I don't have to, no. But, I want to. It's a beautiful name." He walks over to the door on my side and opens it for me. Wow this is really the polar opposite of what I saw last night. He was cheeky and funny, and now he's dapper and proper. Not to say I don't love this look on him and this side of him. But the man from last night was a lot more genuine to me.

I sit in his passenger seat of his big van of a car and he comes back to sit in the drivers seat. The back of the car is very big, I could tell the first time I saw it.

"So Niall Horan, what are tonights plans?" I say mocking his proper state. He chuckles at my satire.

"Well, if you must know..." He looks behind me in a sort of gesture. I turn my head and see something I did NOT expect. Blankets. Blankets? And a stack of movies with some packaged popcorn. 

"You didn't seem like the kind of girl who would want to go on a huge extravagant date at the beginning and I wanted to make sure you felt comfortable, so I bought some movies I thought you might like, and we're just going to relax. I know you've had a long day."

"This is honestly PERFECT!" I say right what's on the top of my head. This is perfect. The thought of this huge date was terrifying and now I just feel, happy. He blushes while breaking into a smile. This is the first time I've seen HIM blush. It's adorable. 

"Well that's good to hear cus I was half thinking I was making a fool of myself if I was completely off." We laugh in unison. 

"It's perfect Niall, thank you." I grab his hand to squeeze it and I can tell Niall is surprised at my gesture. I can already tell he's cautious around me. Doesn't want to do or say the wrong thing as to make sure I feel comfortable. Just that fact already makes him worlds different than Matt. 

"I was thinking we could go to my flat, or yours. Whatever you're more comfortable with." Wow, this is night and day. I would like to see his flat, though. I want to see him and his life when he's just being himself. 

"Yours is fine." I say to ease his nerves. I caress his hand with my thumb as to signal to him that I'm okay with this. He nods and starts to drive. 

"I'm honestly so glad because having to be this proper all day was exhausting haha. It's for my job, you've seen how I really am. More than one should have on a first meeting, I might add." He's not wrong the first night I met him he was comfortable and drunk. Also that time I saw him talking with Harry. 

"You're not wrong." I chuckle, "You know, the night before you came in to the pub I saw you on the street with Harry." He glances over at me as he drives through the streets of London. 

"Oh really? When?"

"It was right after my interview for the job at the pub. I was walking to my car and you were talking to him, convincing him to have his bachelor party at the pub." 

"That's actually really funny! What did you think about me, like what was your first impression?"

Should I say I thought he was cute? He helped me through a panic attack and he's already tried to kiss me so I think we're passed the time of being uncomfortable with one another. 

"I honestly thought you were sort of, cute. You were really excited to give Harry a good time. I was kind of excited to see you guys walk in yesterday." I look over to him and he's blushing, hard. 

"Awe, you're blushing!" I call him out as to try to deflect. He gently and playfully swats at my hand. 

"Come on! No I'm not, it's just.... warm" 

"MMHMM" I don't believe him, "What about me? What was your first impression of me?" I wanna give him a way out, and I slightly am curious how he perceived me.

"Honestly? I'm going to be blunt. I thought you were stunning." My heart stops. Stunning. He thought I was stunning. Wow. I think I hesitated for too long because he then went on quickly to say, "But, I didn't want to make it obvious, or to make you uncomfortable so I kept looking away or changing subjects to the other boys." This is honestly so sweet.

"That's actually the first time I've heard that word used to describe ME of all people."

"Well, it's the truth." He's so honest and gentle. I'm starting to be sucked in deeper and deeper, but I know I've got to keep some distance for my sake and his.

"You know you're one of the most thoughtful men I've ever been involved with, and I've only known you two days. Thank you."

"It's the least I could do. Everyone deserves to be appreciated, I'm glad I could be the one to show you that." I squeeze his hand again as a response to his statement. He squeezes back. And finally we drive up to the front of his apartment building.


	6. Six : Date Night

I'm genuinely enjoying my time with him now. I instantly feel comfortable. Partially because he's doing everything in his power to make sure I am and he's being respectful. Not to mention our "ice-breaker" was my very serious panic attack. When people experience events like that together, they feel closer. It also skips over many of those awkward, get-to-know-you steps. He's already seen me at my second most vulnerable. 

The first, won't be for a long time, I can tell you that much. I don't know when I should tell him something that serious, since I know it will be a present thing if this relationship advances more. God it's our first date slow down. Maybe once things get more serious. 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as he comes around to my side of the car and opens the door for me again. He extends his hand as to assist me out, as if I'm this fancy, important person, when in reality I'm wearing trainers and my work uniform. 

"Thank you kind sir." I mock in proper Victorian English. 

"Of course, milady." He playfully bows and I nudge his arm as I roll my eyes. We walk through the lobby and up to his flat. From the outside it doesn't look like anything special, but once you walk in, it's absolutely gorgeous. He is definitely one who knows how to clean up, not just him but his living space as well. I love the decor, and the beautiful view out of these huge windows that go from the floor to the ceiling. I guess this is the view you get on the top floor. The sun is setting right now and it's shining an orange hue onto the entire apartment. This entire picture I'm seeing is absolutely gorgeous.

"This apartment is beautiful, Niall!" I exclaim as I giggle in excitement, making my way to look out the large windows. "Look at these windows!! Look at this view!! And, God, look at that sunset, it's beautiful!" I don't know what to say, I'm in absolute awe over this place. 

"Why thank you." He laughs and walks over to stand next to me. "But, I see this view every day, so I guess it's become normal to me. But, right now this isn't my favorite view." He's talking about me. I turn to him as I shift on my feet. God my feet are absolutely killing me, but I can't even focus on that after what he just said. I blush a rosy red and look up into his beautiful light blue eyes. Eyes are absolutely my favorite feature on a person, no matter the color. The eyes can tell you so much about a person, they truly are the windows to the soul.

"You mean me?" I ask in an attempt to sound confident yet pulled back at the same time. All he does is give me a soft but adorable smile and nods. He starts to lean in again, but it's to the side of my face. This time I do not pull away. He gives me a very soft and slow kiss on the cheek. My entire body shivers from the touch. I never knew one small kiss could have this much of an effect on me. His lips were soft and gentle. The fact that he's being so gentle with me could make my knees buckle. I could feel my eyes dilate as I look back into his as he pulls away. I haven't felt this way in such a long time, that it almost feels brand new. 

"Would you like a change of clothes? I have some t-shirts and sweats you can borrow." I would normally decline, but I give in by nodding. I just feel so damn uncomfortable. He goes into his room and grabs a multicolored shirt that isn't too big for my medium figure and a pair of grey sweats. "You can take them to the loo, it's down the hall and to the left." He points. I nod and go walk over to change. 

Once I walk back out, he's already in comfortable clothes of his own as he's laid out on the sofa. I place my uniform in my bag and my trainers next to it. I go over to him with a small limp to my walk. He looks at me puzzled and concerned, "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah I'm fine, my feel are just killing me." I sit next to him and he says, "May I?" and gestures to my feet as to pick them up. I nod. He then grabs my bare feet and starts to massage them. Oh my god, this is the absolute best feeling. My head rolls back in happiness as to finally feel like my feet aren't being stabbed with a million knives. I really needed this. "Am I doing alright?" 

"Yes, more than alright. You're so good at this." He chuckles.

"You're feet are freezing." 

"Haha yeah, for some reason they're always cold even if I wear wool socks all day." I reach over to the small table next to the sofa and grab his selection of "movies I would like." I look through his choices. Inception, the Back to the Future trilogy, The trusty favorite Harry Potter, 13 Going on 30, and to my surprise, Shrek. I almost laugh. "Shrek?" 

"I wanted to get all options!" He defends himself. 

"We could've just found something on Netflix, haha."

"Yeah but I wanted the set up in the car to look put together." He chuckles, "We don't have to watch those if -"

"No I want to! You went through all this trouble for me it's very thoughtful thank you." He looks back down shyly. 

"Back to the Future!" I decide, "I've never seen it." His rubbing halts and he quickly looks at me.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No! I truly haven't seen it!" His jaw drops in a playful manner.

"Well it's settled then!" He picks up my feet off of his lap and places them on the sofa as he gets up with the first Back to the Future in his hand. He places it in and sits back down. When he does, he picks up my feet again to continue with his massage. 

"Would you like any snacks?" He asks. I'm getting deja vu from my dream last night. "Mmmm popcorn sounds good." 

"God I was hoping you were going to say that! How do your feet feel?"

"Much better thanks to your magic hands." Shit why did I say that, oh my god. He notices the fear in my eyes from my last statement and laughs, "It's okay, Clara." He gives me a comfortable and reassuring smile as he gets up and heads over to his kitchen. It's nice to see him more relaxed now. He's been so careful, but I can see him open up bit by bit. Like an onion. Wow, I guess I've watched Shrek a lot. 

After 3 minutes of popping, I hear him call out, "Would you like me to bring you a separate bowl?" Wow. Am I psychic or something? This deja vu is crazy! I guess my intuition really is that good. 

"I'm fine sharing with you." I call back.

"Would you like some water?" He asks as he sets the bowl down on the small table in front of the sofa. He holds out 2 water bottles. I nod and grab one of them. These are those fancy glass waters. I've never actually had one of these. He must get paid well at his job to afford all of this nice stuff. 

By this point I'm sitting up with my legs crossed on the couch. I grab the bowl of popcorn and place it in my lap. He sits down close to me and presses play on the remote. I look over at him and smile, he looks back at me with such assessment. He starts to move his arm up. Oh he wants to see if putting his arm around me is okay. He's such a gentleman, this is so new for me, I'm loving it. In an instant of random confidence, I grab his arm and move it around me. I don't know what just came over me, but I wanted to take charge to help him feel more comfortable. 

Wow, we are both pretty similar. 

We sit and watch the movie sitting in this position with some minor changes along the way to get more comfortable. By the end of the movie we're pretty much cuddling as we lay on the couch. He's behind me with his left arm on my shoulder. I reach my left hand to place it on his and he grabs it to hold. 

"WHAT?? They can't leave it like that! A flying car?? And if this is 1985, what 'future' do they mean? 1990?" I have so many questions. I turn my head up to look at his, and all I see is him laughing. 

"What? These are valid questions!"

"Well, I guess we'll just have to watch the next one." I smile up at him and grab my phone to check the time. Ugh it's already almost 10:00pm, I can't.

"I'd really love to, but I have my internship tomorrow at 9:00am" I turn my whole body so we're now laying on his large sofa face to face. 

"Internship? You have another job?" He's surprised. I never told him about our work coincidence. 

"Oh yeah I haven't told you but I'm interning for VM actually. Your company owns us." I smile. 

"My step-father's company actually. I got roped in when he married my mum." Holy shit! He's like royalty.

"Really?? That's so cool!"

"Eh, not really. He just let me start there and it pays well, so I've been there ever since. But, I have other aspirations." He replies.

"Like what?" I'm genuinely curious. He seems so successful from my point of view, but I don't think he sees it the same way I do. 

"I want to be a writer. Like a screenplay writer. Adapt from novels or create my own. Right now I'm just doing this to pay for half of this apartment, the other half my step-father owns. He lets me live here as long as I pay my half." That's why it's so extravagant. "But, I'd rather be doing that, than filing paperwork all day." 

"That's really admirable, Niall. Have you written anything so far?"

"Some scripts, but nothing worth green lighting."

"How do you know?"

"Because my job is to read all the scripts that get green lit and those that don't, and record the notes written by show runners as well as file them away. I see what these people are looking for and none of my work is in that caliber."

"Well, you won't know if you don't try. Could I read one, maybe?" His eyes widen. 

"Erm...." He hesitates, "Soon." Could he be ... scared? 

"But, wait, if you work at VM, that means you work in my building!" He's shifted the subject to one that excites him more, me. 

"I do? I do!!" I remember. Does this mean-

"Could we meet for lunch tomorrow!?" -that. I get to see him every day if I wanted to. This whole situation feels like a movie to me. I smile up at him with the same level as excitement as he let out in that one question as I say, "Of course!!" 

"I want to take you on a proper date this week though. If you'll allow me." I blush as I move the top of my head into his chest. He smells of cinnamon with a smoky undertone. Whatever cologne he uses, it's the best scent I've ever smelled. I look back up at him and into his deep light blue eyes. 

"I'd absolutely LOVE to." I smile like a child from ear to ear. I'm really in deep and it's date number 1. 

"Is Wednesday night open for you?" All I do is work and sleep. I do have homework for my online class, but I can finish that tomorrow.

"It's perfect." He gently kisses my forehead. I freeze. I was not expecting that, but I love it. I lean into his kiss, and once he pulls away I nudge my head into his chest. He puts his arms around me. 

Should I kiss him? I don't know. I think he's too scared to make the first move though. I should. Should I? 

I can't think straight. I squirm a little under his arms as to signal for him to give me more room and he obeys. I move my body so we can be face to face. If I'm going to do it I got to do it now. The timing is too perfect and I can tell he wants to. I take my hand and I rest it on his cheek as we look into each others eyes. In this moment I block out all of my thoughts and decide to just go for it. I move in and meet his lips with mine. He tastes of mint with a hint of popcorn from tonight. I smile on his lips as I think about it. His arms around me pull me in closer pressing into my lower back. He moves his left arm up to my cheek to mirror mine on his. Our lips move in sync with one another. It doesn't feel forced or awkward, but absolutely perfect. He caresses my cheek with his thumb and I can feel my body shutter as my heart starts beating out of my chest. This is bliss. I never want this to end. I want to fall deeper and deeper into him. But, all of a sudden he interrupts by breaking our connection. He looks at me with such deep admiration and shock. 

"Well that was unexpected." He says with his mouth slightly agape. 

"I'm full of surprises." I give him one of those cheeky smiles he's so famous of using. I shift my body so I can move and stand up to grab my stuff. 

"You can keep the clothes." He says,"They look better on you anyways." My heart skips a beat. I nod and say, "Okay" in response. I walk over to my bag and trainers. He sits up and grabs his shoes from the side of the sofa and puts them on. I do the same with mine and sling my bag over my shoulder. He walks over to me with his keys in hand and I turn around to face him. 

"So lunch tomorrow! Anything special?" I say to lighten the very steamy mood hovering over us right now as we both are still thinking about my bold move.

"I'm open to whatever. There's that cafe next door, it's pretty good."

"Thats perfect, I've never been there." I haven't done a lot of things I'm just now realizing. I guess overworking myself takes up too much of my time.

"I have a feeling I will be showing you lots of new things." It's as if he could read my mind. He reaches out for his front door and we leave his flat. We walk down to his car and he opens my door again. He's really sweet. I'm smiling so much that my cheeks hurt. He starts driving us both back to the pub as I had left my car there. We sit in that comfortable silence again as he places his left hand in mine on the center console. We interlace our fingers and we continue to sit in bliss. He hums along to some songs on the radio, and I can't help but admire him. His smile is so infectious, so is his laugh. He is such a ray of sunshine, but has so much depth to him as well and I can't seem to get enough. I'm being sucked in again. 

He starts to pull up to the pub and I remove my hand from his so I can reach in my bag for my keys. He parks right next to it and I find them. I look back at him and he looks so happy. Do I make him happy? I feel so bad. I really want this to keep going like this but I'm just waiting for that moment when I will switch and go back to being cold and distant again. I know it will happen, but I don't know when. "Thank you so much for tonight. I had such an amazing time, this was exactly what I needed." He smiles like a little puppy and responds, "I'm glad! So tomorrow? Lunch?" 

"Yes!" We both hesitate, I've been making the bold moves this whole time, and I kind of want to see if he will. A few more seconds go by, and I know he isn't going to do anything. So, I smile and open the door. "Goodnight Niall" I say as I move out of the car. He stays silent, I look back at him and he looks deep in thought. "Niall?" I ask. 

"I'm good. Tonight was really special for me too. Goodnight Clara." Okay? That was a weird goodbye. I won't push it though, I just give him a half smile and shut the door behind me as I move over to his side of the car which is where mine is parked. As I am about to get to my car, i hear a car door open and I see Niall getting out. What's going on.

"Hey is everything oka-" I try to say but he interrupts me with his lips crashing into mine. This is what I wanted. THIS. I taste mint again coupled with that smoky cinnamon scent. It's a beautiful combination. I push back into his lips with mine as we both move our heads in tune with one another. This kiss is worlds different than the last. This one is full of fire and passion and I can feel my body burning up at the feeling of his hands on my face. I throw my arms around his shoulders and stand on my toes to lean into him more. He pushes me up against the side of my car and both of our breathing becomes heavy and sporadic. I feel his tongue moving against my lips as to ask for access, I obey as I let him in. Both of our tongues move together perfectly to make this small flame into an inferno. I brush my fingers through his hair as he grabs my face. His hand starts moving down my side and towards my butt and I instantly panic. I tense up and he pulls away. He looks concerned, "Is everything okay?" He asks. His brows burrowed in confusion. 

"Yeah everything is okay." Ugh, I knew this would happen. "Let's just stick to those steamy make out sessions for now though" I try to play it off. He has no idea what door he is opening by exploring me in that way. There's so much I have to tell him before I can even consider going there with him. He's so sweet and he deserves so much better than me. I don't even know if I can give him what he wants yet. I haven't tried since Matt. I shutter at the thought. 

"I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you." 

"Oh my god no!! You're amazing actually, I haven't felt that good for a while. This is all me, I promise." He still looks concerned but he relaxes a bit. I can tell he doesn't want to push me further for me to say something I'm not ready to. I respect that. I smile at him and move closer to him to calm his doubts. I go onto my toes and kiss him again, but this time sweet and gentle. Just to let him know, I'm enjoying myself with him. When I pull away he smiles down at me. 

"There's that contagious smile" I say out loud. Did I really just? He just chuckles. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Clara. Text me when you get home." He is really exceeding my expectations right now.

"I promise! Goodnight, Niall."

"Goodnight, beautiful." He says in a softer lower voice. I don't think he knows I could hear it. So I pretend like I didn't but I smile to myself once I get into my car. Tonight was an absolute dream, and I'm already thinking of what tomorrow will have in store for us. I won't be able to get him off my mind.


	7. Seven : Back to Life

The following day I wake up to my disgusting alarm clock noise again. I shoot up out of bed in anticipation for today. I never feel this way about this internship, I usually dread going every day. But, today's different. Today I'm excited. I need to look both business like but also extra cute for my mini lunch date with Niall. I look through my closet and pick out some light flowy beige trousers, a dark navy blue striped blouse and some black booties to top it all off. 

I'm still a tad worried about seeing him though. Especially after I so quickly ended our kiss at the end of the night. It's not like I don't want to get intimate with him, it's more that I don't know if i fully CAN in the way he wants to. In order for me to get to that place with anyone after Uni, I'd need to be EXTREMELY comfortable with them. To the point where I can easily undress and not feel instantly violated. I haven't been able to get there yet since so I'm not very hopeful, but maybe? Maybe he could be the first I'm able to explore my sexuality with again, the one to remind me why I used to love it so much before the incident. I just can't think about what happened every time I look at myself in the mirror, let alone another person.

But, that is miles and miles away. We aren't even close yet. I know usually people at our ages are more comfortable exploring it around this time, but most of them haven't been through what I have, so I understand why it's harder for me. But, that doesn't mean I want it to be this way. I try to stop thinking about it as I get my things together for my internship. I don't do much other than grab drinks and food for the real workers as well as file and do the work they are too busy to do. I get a text from my boss, Ms. Thomas. She is the devil incarnate. I don't think I've disliked someone so much as I dislike her, but I have to stay on my best behavior if I want to keep this job and make it in my field. Which now that I think about it, I'm not even completely sure what I want to do yet, but I know it's in the entertainment industry and this is a good start. 

*I'd like a black coffee from the cafe next door with one of their french pastries, thank you*

Ugh, now my entire morning is thrown off and I'm going to be late. But, I have to pull through, especially if I want to see Niall. 

*will have that to you asap*

My barmaid job is so fun that going back to this job makes me want to become a barmaid full time, but I can't. I hop in to take a quick 5 minute shower before I get dressed and put on some extra makeup to make myself feel more confident, God knows I'll need it today. 

-

As I'm walking up to the office, coffee and pastry in hand, I notice myself passing by the office for MVE. Niall is in there right now I just know it. I catch myself slowing my walk as I pass by the glass door to look inside as if to find the handsome Niall, but sadly I just see white walls blocking off the rest of the office besides the front desk person. I sigh as I keep walking to my office. 

I go to my bosses personal office to drop off her food and knock on the door. I hear a faint "Come in" and I let myself in. She is in the middle of a meeting with this tall blonde gentleman, looks in his 40's. 

"Oh good, Clara!" My boss exclaims as to portray herself as this nice lady to this man I've never seen before. "Come here, I'd like you to meet, Joseph Horan." I walk closer, place her food on her desk and turn back to him. 

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Horan." Horan??? Wait, how did I miss that. "Horan! Forgive me, but I know Niall, we are really good friends!" I exclaim to him in excitement. Finally an authority figure I don't feel the need to despise. He looks fairly young to be Niall's step father, but he looks professional and put together.

"Oh really? He's a great lad! Hard to get close to, but that must make you a pretty incredible, gal." He's such a kind man. Wait, hard to get close to? Is it because he's the step dad? I don't know how to respond so I use my trusty favorite response, "Thank you so much. He's really incredible to me too." The last part I said without thinking. Oh my god. I'm trying to make a GOOD impression, not try to embarrass myself. But I think he liked that statement because I see him chuckle as he smiles wider than before. Has Niall been with anyone recently? Like before me? Why is this so surprising?

Mr. Horan stands up and reaches his arm over towards me as a gesture for a handshake, I meet him in the middle and give him a firm but soft shake. Enough grit to show I'm serious, and enough leniency to show flexibility. The office atmosphere it a completely different society than uni or even my current generation now. He turns over to Ms. Thomas and says, "We'll keep in touch." Then turns back to me, "It was nice to meet you Clara, I'm glad Niall is making new," He hesitates, "friends." He finishes in a happy voice. He knows we are more than that already and I'm sort of happy about people knowing that aren't just me and Niall.

He nods to both of us before leaving the room. "I thought he'd never leave." Ms. Thomas says as she rolls her eyes. She pulls out a stack of reports of incidents across all of her personal clients that she needs me to file away for her. "Here" She says in a monotoned voice. Drastically different than her fake nice lady voice she was using with Mr. Horan. "Have these done by noon and then I'll have more for you to do. You'll have to skip lunch." 

SKIP LUNCH? No! 

"I actually have lunch plans today." I say as to hopefully get her to allow me to begin on the new work after the lunch hour. She seems unimpressed and states flatly, "Well then, you better work quickly then." She. Is. Such. A. Bitch. 

"Also try not to suck up to the company head, it looks desperate." I can't fight back or else I'll lose my job. I hate this atmosphere. Silenced by the more elite. She can suck it. I walk over to grab the stack of papers and head straight to begin filing. This takes longer than usual because I have to file them electronically and physically. 

As the time is reaching closer to 11:00am, I begin to panic. I really thought I'd be able to do this quickly. FUCK JANICE THOMAS! I yell in my mind. By this point I pull out my phone and text Niall.

*My evil boss won't let me leave for lunch.* 

I place it back on the table and wait for him to respond. Almost a minute passes and he answers.

*I'm sure, I can do something about that. I WILL see you at noon. xo*

xo? He is so sweet, my heart starts to flutter thinking about him. 

*You're too sweet. I can't wait xo* 

I respond, copying his gesture. After this all he sends back is a cheeky winking face.

*;)*

He liked my response. I continue filing for another 40 minutes and the time is creeping up on noon. I start to worry again as I haven't heard from Niall since the winky face. What is his plan to get me away? In that moment, Ms. Psycho comes out of her office and B-lines to my desk. 

"Mr. Horan would like to see you on the MVE floor." She sounds annoyed. I love this, my way of getting back at her by hanging out with HER boss. I smile up at her and respond, "Thank you! I guess it's earlier than I thought!" I say as to pretend like I knew of our "meeting" prior to this very moment. Her face starts to turn red. I think she's rethinking the way she has treated me for the past 4 months. I'm absolutely loving this. She promptly turns around and walks back into her office with seething anger. This is the best day of this internship I think I've ever had. I stand up, grab my small purse that matches my outfit and begin to walk to the MVE office. I walk in to see that front desk lady I saw earlier. 

"Hi, Mr. Horan wanted to see me." I say to her. 

"Which one?" Oh shit, I don't know who called my psycho boss. Was it Niall? 

"This one." I hear come from the hall and I see a dapper looking Niall emerge with a smile. The front desk lady nods and gets back to her work and I walk over to Niall and give his a tight hug. Hugs are one of my favorite things, especially with the right people it can feel amazing. As we loosen our hug, he bends down and kisses my cheek. A bolt of electricity bolts through my body originating from where his lips touch my cheek.

"You ready?" he asks. I look up at him, stomach full of butterflies and nod. He holds out his arm for me to grab and says, "Tell Joe I'll be back in an hour!" to the receptionist. 

We walk out and into the elevator where we are finally alone. He turns to me, leans me up against the wall and kisses me with the same level of fire from last night, but a little held back. He still tastes like mint. I can smell his gorgeous cologne while listening to his breathing go funny. I kiss him back trying to help him feel more comfortable being a little rough with me. I love it, just not more than what is consensual. What is happening right now is perfect. I start giving him more passion and he matches me every time. He wraps his arms around the small of my back and pulls me in closer. 

All of a sudden we hear a ding and we pull apart faster than light. The door opens to find an older lady walking in with us. I grab Niall's arm and I stand next to him the rest of the way down. I just look up at him and smile and he meets my eyes. I notice his pupils get a tiny bit bigger as I'm sure mine did too. 

I've been in relationships before, I've kissed men before, I've had sex before, I've done it all before. But, this time it feels different. It feels lighter. I don't feel the need to assess every situation 24/7, he makes me feel comfortable. He made me feel comfortable right away when he comforted me during my panic attack. No one has ever been there for me the way he had. That's probably why I feel this way. I'm in uncharted territory which absolutely terrifies me, but it also excites me. 

We reach the bottom floor and the woman speed walks away from us. Weird. He leads me with my arm in his, to the small cafe around the corner of the office building. We eventually find a table and sit to wait for the waiter. We look at one another admiring. 

"Thank you for getting me out of lunch work." I say to break the silence. 

"Of course! I've heard stories about Ms.Thomas and I won't let her ruin our fun." He winks at me as he says the word 'fun' and I giggle. 

"Yeah she's a grade A bitch." I say off the top of my head. My eyes widen and I cover up my mouth. "I did not just say that!" I try to defend myself as I notice Niall laughing his arse off. 

"She really is!! Don't be scared to say it like it is, thats one thing I love about you." He shifts a bit, I think he shocked himself with his won words too. He's already using the L word. Granted he didn't say he loved ME, but something about me. Yes I'm developing feelings for him, but I am no where close to saying 'I love you' any time soon. 

"Well if my outbursts make you laugh like that, I'll never stop. I love your laugh." To make him feel okay about complimenting me like that.

"Also thank you, all my life people have hated me because of it. But I'd rather be honest than going along with something I don't agree with."

"I admire that, Clara. Anyone who doesn't, doesn't deserve you in their life." he reaches for my hand and squeezes it to reassure me. I smile and squeeze back. I like this unspoken thing we do. At this moment the waiter comes over to take our order. I order a small sandwich while Niall orders a hamburger. 

"So I met your step dad today." He almost chokes on his drink as I say it. 

"You did? How was it?" 

"He was really nice! But I did bring up that I knew you."

"What why??" He seems a bit stressed.

"I don't know, I just mentioned that we were close friends. I didn't know what else to say, we haven't discussed much further than that." I'm getting a bit anxious now.

"You've said nothing else though right?"

"Nothing. Why? Is everything okay Niall?" I reach for his hand and start to caress it to give him some form of comfort. He looks up at me. 

"I'm okay. I keep my personal life low key around him. He doesn't know any more than what my mum has told him and I'd like to keep it that way."

"I understand. I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you." He squeezes my hand again. 

"You did nothing wrong, no need to apologize. Like you said, we haven't discussed it." He gives me a soft smile.

"Would you like to discuss it? I want to make sure we're on the same page before.." I trail off. Before what?

"Before what?" He says as if he's in my mind. 

"Before we get more serious I guess?" 

"Serious? We met 2 days ago." Am I the only one seeing the deep connection here? I pull my hand away. 

"I know. I'm sorry I brought it up. I just think about the panic attack a lot. No one has ever seen me like that and been able to help me so quickly."

"And I will always help you whenever you need. But, we're still having fun right now and I've been enjoying the bliss of it all, I thought you were too."

"Oh I am, of course I am." I can feel this conversation start to spiral. I don't want it to go down that road at all. "I'd love to keep doing what we're doing. As long as I get to hang out with you." He smiles at me. 

"And don't take that as me not being open to that in the future, I'd just like to hang out with you like we are right now. 

"Agreed." I look down at my plate, I feel a bit off now. I don't know why. We resolved it, but did we? I feel awful for bringing it up. 

"Hey, Clara?" I look back up to him and he reaches for my hand again and starts to caress it with his thumb. "Don't feel bad, I'm sorry for coming off so high strung." He could tell. He already knows me so well, how can I ignore that? 

"You are absolutely perfect in every way. And I would love to date you, I mean that's what we're doing. All I want is for us to continue enjoying ourselves, because I don't know about you but this has probably been the most fun I've had with a person my entire life. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's never felt like this with other girls." 

"Honestly I'm relieved to hear you say that because I've never felt like this with other guys either. It's been boggling my mind" I laugh with a soft smile growing on my face and he joins. He pulls up my hand and places a soft kiss on the top of it.

"So, Wednesday..." I change the subject," How fancy will it be, do I need to wear something super fancy or casual or in between or-" He just laughs. 

"Clara, it's not the met gala, but it's also not your cousin's barbecue. Something classy but you don't have to freak out over it, you'd make a trash bag look designer." I roll my eyes. Yeah right. 

"Well, either way, I'm really excited." Finally our food gets brought back to our table and we begin to eat. 

"So, Niall, tell me more about you."

"What do you want to know?" He winks. Oh he is SO cheeky.

"Hmm." I think, "What is your most favorite memory of all time?"

"Oh wow, you mean to get deep." I chuckle and nod at him.

"Probably..." His eyebrows furrow. I knew this was too complicated of a question, did I just ruin the mood. Oh no.

"OH! I got it!" I let out a breath I don't remember holding. "It was my 9th birthday. We had just moved here and I had absolutely no friends, but I didn't have the heart to tell my mum. I didn't want to worry her and I was slightly embarrassed. My mum decorated for a party and everything as we waited for my 'friends' to show up. She was getting angry and I was crying thinking I was about to have the worst birthday ever. She then called up her new friends she had made locally and went door to door to our neighbors houses pleading for them all to come and celebrate for me. This was unknown to me as I was crying in my room for an hour as she did this. Then all of a sudden I heard a massive group of people come through the front door. I was scared, I thought that we might've been getting robbed or something. But I heard my mum call, 'Niall, I have a surprise!' and I rushed downstairs and once I entered the room all I heard was everyone cheer, 'happy birthday Niall!!!' They were most adults, any kids who were there, were one of my mum's friends kids and my brother at the time. I guess he and my mum were working together to 'fix' my birthday. I made so many friends, I talked with almost every adult there and they loved me and my stories, even if they were god awful at the time. It was the first time I personally saw the work my mum was willing to put in to make us happy, and that by FAR is the best birthday and best memory of my entire life."

I am in awe. "I don't know what to say other than, that's absolutely precious. Your mum is a really amazing woman."

"She is, but she isn't the only one in my life." He squeezes my hand very lightly almost as if he was doing it to see if I would notice. I did and squeezed back as I begin to blush. 

"Well I think you gained a lot of her amazing traits." This made him smile. I pull out my phone and see 12:45pm. We finished eating and Niall pulls out his wallet. 

"Nope, this time it's on me." I say. As much as I would love to have him pay for my wallets sake, I won't let those misogynistic actions continue in society. And he doesn't even fight me, I think he knows where I'm getting at. Almost every guy before me has denied me or tried to make me into this damsel in distress, but not Niall, he makes me feel empowered, independent, and appreciated.

"But, I will be paying Wednesday. Agreed?" I'm totally fine with that.

"Agreed." I giggle. 

We stand up and begin our walk back to the building when all of a sudden I feel Niall pull at my arm to go an opposite direction of the building.

"Niall! I'm going to be late!"

"This will only be for a second I promise!" Ugh fine, I don't answer. Maybe a minute walk and we made it to this tiny secluded park. No one is here even in the middle of a busy Monday work day. He pulls me over to this beautiful wooden bench.

"I wanted to show this to you." He says.

"What is this place?"

"It's an abandoned park, which is why the plants have overgrown and it's more secluded. It's a nice place to think and relax during a long work day. I thought you might enjoy it."

I cant help but smile like a child from this. I look at him and move myself to sit on his lap. I look up and around "I love it, Niall!" I look back down at him and kiss him softly. His soft minty lips moving in tune with mine. All of a sudden I can feel his tongue on mine and our initial soft kiss turns into a passionate fire. I straddle him on the bench and he puts one arm around me while the other moves to hold my face and run through my hair. At the same time I brush my fingers through his hair and I can feel myself falling into him. Before I can think of what I'm doing, I start moving my hips while I'm sitting on his. And all of a sudden I feel this hard bulge grow under me. It catches me a bit off guard, but it doesn't stop me. I like knowing I make him feel good. He starts to pull at my hair and I hear a soft moan come out of his mouth. This is getting real sexy real quick and I suddenly remember I have to keep working. I slowly pull away, out of breath a little bit. 

"I need to get back to the office or I'll be fired by Ms.Psycho." He laughs at my name for her. 

"She sucks! She's ruining our fun mini date." I laugh with him and give him a quick kiss again and climb off of him. I reach out my hand to help him back up. I go on my tip toes to help fix his hair so he doesn't look completely disheveled. He does the same with me by combing his finders through my hair. 

"You are absolutely gorgeous, Clara."He says while still running his fingers through my hair. I look back into his eyes and blush. 

"Well I think you're pretty gorgeous yourself, Niall." I wink at him half joking half completely serious. He's so nice to look at. I could do it all day. He smiles and picks me up while hugging me, spinning me around. 

"Now let's get you back to work!" He says in the cute little mocking way he always does. Ugh I really love spending time with him. It's making me melt inside every second that passes. 

We both start walking back to the building, and He interlaces his fingers with mine in our first ever proper handhold. I smile at the sentiment. But, all I can think about right now is how I'm not ready to hear whatever my awful boss has to say about my absence.


	8. Eight : The Penny Drop

Once we got back to the office building, Niall and I walked in to the elevator and made sure we were completely alone before he grabbed softly and placed his left hand on the small of my back while holding my cheek with his right hand. I love kissing this man, I could honestly do it all day. The taste of his mint breath with some sweet chapstick on his lips coupled together seamlessly. This kiss seems more risky than before because of the possibility of getting caught at any second, but I'm loving this feeling right now with him. Usually, whenever I'd feel this way in the past, I'd start hyperventilating with fear, but not today. Not with him. We pull apart right before the ding of the elevator that signals we've reached Niall's floor. 

"I'll see you Wednesday, beautiful." My heart almost stopped at the mention of that word. Beautiful? Me? He thinks I'm beautiful? I feel so appreciated in this moment.

"I can't wait." I say back with a wink. He's not the only one who can pul off being cheeky. All I see is a sexy smirk grow on his lips as the elevators close to separate us once again. Almost every moment I spend with him is absolutely blissful. Even if we have to have those hard conversations, he always knows how to make me feel comfortable, he's so intuitive. Add that onto my new long list of things I love about him. 

I won't be able to see him until our formal date on Wednesday as he isn't working tomorrow, and I honestly want him to miss me a little. After our discussion about keeping this on a fun level, I want him to long for me the way I long for him. 

I finally get onto my floor and back into the office to meet Ms.Thomas. She doesn't look happy, but she also doesn't say anything about my absence. "Here." Is all she says as she gives me another stack of papers for me to file for the rest of the day today. I just nod and take them out to my desk and begin working again. 

Eventually I notice the light outside dwindle into darkness as I work on these goddamn papers.I finally finish the last one and look at the clock on the wall. It reads 7:30pm. Almost everyone has gone home by now besides the janitors and the one lady in the office that stays late every day. I'm always here late because of my boss and I'm slowly going mad every day that passes by and I do the same shit. I want to learn about the industry, I want to explore what I want to do, not file paperwork all day. Hopefully it'll change soon, but if she's still in charge of me, I doubt it. 

I pack up the rest of my stuff and clean my desk to look neat again. I hate leaving it messy. I walk out and wave to the lady still in the office, her name is Lucy, she's around my age, probably a few years older than me. We've never talked but we've always had this mutual understanding of each other as we are always the last ones here. She smiles and waves back at me. On my way down to the parking lot I spot a man sitting outside on one of the benches hunched over. I can barely see his face, but I notice his shoulders moving up and down as if he's been crying. 

I hope this man is okay. Is my first thought, and then I figure out who it is as he sits up with red puffy eyes. It's Niall. Is he okay? Should I go up to him? Of course I should, no one deserves to be alone while crying, unless they ask. I can at least check in, and if he wants me to stay, I'll stay. 

I walk up to him and he notices. He turns his head towards me and I stop in my tracks. He looks frightened and slightly embarrassed once he meets my eyes. I start walking closer slowly and carefully as I ask, "Hey are you okay?" In a soft voice. He was so happy and lively earlier today, what could've happened since then to make him feel like this? He doesn't answer, he only shakes his head and puts his head back into his hands as he sobs some more. I've never seen a man sob this much except for when my mum died. I sit down next to him and wrap my arms around him as I place my cheek on his shoulder. I rub his back as to comfort him the best I can. I can't really say or do anything right now to make him feel better, especially since I don't know what's going on, and I don't want to push him to tell me if he doesn't want to yet. I just keep comforting him and all of a sudden he turns my hold into a full hug as he wraps his arms around me so tight I had to catch my breath for a second. He nudges his head into my shoulder as he continues to sob. I put one hand on the back of his head and stroke it for more comfort. I want to cry just by seeing how distraught he is. Whenever I see someone else feeling strong emotions, I end up feeling it with them. My therapist says it's because I'm an empath.

After a few minutes of non stop crying, he loosens his grip around me and pulls up again. His breathing is less sporadic and he seems well enough to speak, but only if he wants to. He just looks up into my eyes. His are so red and puffy, I wonder how long he was crying for before I came outside. I place one hand on his knee and stroke it for some more comfort. 

"Thank you, Clara. I'm sorry you had to see that, I-" I interrupt him by placing my hand on his cheek and saying, "Hey, no need to apologize. I'm always here, I just want you to be okay." He gives me a small unconvincing smile. "Do you want to talk about it?" I add and he hesitates for a few seconds. We do not break eye contact.

"No, but you might be able to give me some advice?" I grab one of his hands with mine and caress it with my thumb, "Of course, Niall." 

"It's my mum. She's-" He stops and takes a deep breath. He's trying not to cry, "She's sick.She just told us." Oh no. I can definitely relate to this. When we found out it was one of the scariest times of my life. Thinking of all the possibilities of what might happen, fearing the worst ones, and ignoring the best. "Oh, Niall." Is all I say and I hug him again now that I know what's going on. He digs his head into my shoulder again and lets out a shuttered breath. "I understand. I really do. I'm here." He hugs me tighter before he pulls away. 

"There really isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better, but one thing I can say is that, you will be scared. Terrified, of all the possibilities and outcomes, but no one is as terrified as your mum right now. She needs your support, and your step-dad's." 

"And it's okay to feel scared, and angry, and sad. Don't fight it, let it all in. And I will be right by your side through it all if you'll let me. I had to go through this alone, but you don't have to." He looks like he's about to break out in a cry again from my words and looks down at our hands holding each others. He nods as he answers my hand caress with one of his own. 

"Thank you." He quietly says while still looking down. I squeeze his hand in mine and he responds with one as well. 

"The doctor said she probably wont live more than 2 years if we don't start her on chemo immediately. She was admitted to the hospital right after their appointment. I want to go see her. My step-dad's already there, but I also don't want to see her in that bed. I don't know if I can actually do it, see her in the hospital. It makes it real. I know she needs me right now, but I'm frozen." God, I feel for him. I felt the same way when my mum was ill. I couldn't look at her in that hospital bed without getting massive anxiety. 

"I understand. I really do. It's hard enough to come to terms with the news, but to actually witness it is a different level of challenge." I pause and he nods but then looks up at me with a glimmer of hope. I look back confused. 

"Come with me." He blurts out. 

"Niall,I-" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Please, Clara, I need to see her and I can't do this alone. You're the only person I feel safe with right now."

"I will go with you as long as you're really sure that this is what you want." I try to make sure he feels comfortable. 

"I'm sure. I don't give a fuck if they ask questions after, I just really need you. I would never usually ask for something like this from a girl I just started dating, but like I said, I feel safe with you. You're different." I look into his eyes with a level of concern but a higher level of empathy. I know exactly what he's feeling right now, if anyone could be the one helping him through this, I'm glad it's me. I smile at him in a very sweet but small way. I nod as a confirmation. 

"Would you like me to drive?"

"Please?" He sounds as if he's begging, but I know he's nervous. I squeeze his hand again as we stand up from the bench. I go in to give him one more hug before we start walking to my car, and his tall frame wraps around me once again, but this time it's in less of an awkward position. His right hand is on the back of my head stroking my hair while the other is pulling me in closer. 

"I'm right here, Niall. I will always be right here." I reassure him. I just feel his head nod next to my head. "Thank you." I quietly hear next to my year. My favorite scent of smoky cinnamon is coupled with the smell of salty tears on his shirt. I feel for Niall right now. This is one of the worst things, I've ever been through and now seeing someone I'm starting to really like go through it is bringing back how I felt at the time. We separate and I take his hand in mine as we walk towards my car. I don't stop caressing it the entire way to the hospital. We barely speak on the ride over other than his occasional directions. 

We finally pull up to the hospital, and I park. We sit in the car for about a minute in silence before he says, "I don't know if I can do this, Clara." I turn towards him and use our interlaced fingers to move him to face me. 

"You can with me. You're not alone." I squeeze his hand again and he gives me a soft smile and lets out a large breath he was holding.

"Okay." He sits back, "Okay." He repeats. "Let's do this while I still have a bit of courage left." We both get out of the car and I take his arm as we walk through the front doors. This is it. At this point, all I can do is hope for the best.


	9. Nine : Overnight

I have no idea how this is going to go. I just met his step-dad and I've never met his mum, and now I'm joining in on one of their most personal struggles ever. I hope they're both okay. But, with all of that aside, I'm here for Niall. We walk up to the front desk area and ask the nurse working, where Beth Horan's room is. She verifies that Niall is in fact her son and then allows us through to find room 114. Once we find it, I notice the paperwork hanging next to the door. It states:

Sinead Cara Horan

We both hesitate outside of the door. He's holding my hand so tight that I'm beginning to lose feeling in my fingers. I turn him to look at me before we go in. I grab his cheek in my hand, look him in the eyes, and say, "Together." To reassure him that he can do this. He silently nods and we turn back to the door of the room. He uses his loose hand to open the door as I trail in behind him. 

I look up and I catch a glimpse of his mother. She is absolutely beautiful. Her hair is perfectly curled to one side and even though she's sitting in a hospital bed, she sure does look really good while doing it. I notice Niall stumble a bit while walking in over his shock and worry. I pull him close and squeeze his hand. I'm sure they both are thoroughly confused as to why I'm here of all people, but they both don't question it and give all their attention to Niall in that moment. I've been in this exact situation, but I also can't even imagine how he must be feeling. I know how I felt, but he has a completely different mindset to me, which I love, but it worries me in regards to his current thought process. 

"Hey mum, this is Clara, I hope it's okay she came along." He says in a coy manner, and looks at the ground. He's so considerate, but I can tell this is hurting him.

"Oh of course, sweetie! Hello Clara, you seem like a very sweet young lady, thank you for coming with my dear Niall tonight." She looks back at Niall, "Come here honey." She says as she opens her arms for a hug. He turns slightly and looks down at our interlaced hands and I squeeze his for reassurance before he releases my hand to walk towards his mum. They embrace in a very emotional hug. 

"I know you must be feeling so frightened right now. But please, Niall, remember that even though this might change some things in our everyday, we'll be okay. I love you. Thank you for coming." I can tell that he starts to cry by the way his shoulders start moving up and down. She hugs him tighter. This is one of the hardest nights of their lives and I'm just here, I can't help but feel out of place. Even though I've been in this situation, it doesn't make it easier to witness. They separate and I hear a whispered, "I love you." Come from Niall. His mum looks up at me and moves her head slightly to signal me to come over and help comfort him. I obey. 

I walk over and I put my hand on his shoulder and use my other hand to rub his back in comfort. He places his hand on mine that I have placed on his shoulder and holds it in his. He squeezes it twice and I respond with one squeeze. I don't know how this became our thing but it's as if we have a secret way of communicating through how we squeeze each others hands. He stands up. I can tell he's starting to feel better. His eyes are still red, but they seem less swollen and he gives his mum a sincere smile. I place my arm around his and smile up at him. I'm proud of him for coming. Even if he needed me to be here, I know his mum would be crushed if he didn't show. 

"And Clara?" His mum calls as we start walking away. We both look back, Niall looks slightly scared. I remove my arm from his as I walk over to her. She takes both of my hands and I sit on the bed next to her. 

"I just wanted to say, thank you again for coming today. Niall seems very happy around you, well considering." She gives out a low chuckle that reminds me a lot of Niall's. I smile. 

"Thank you, Mrs. Horan. I just want him to be okay." His mum is such a sweet woman. She reminds me a lot of my own mother, or what I can remember of her. She places her hand on my cheek and says, "I can see that, he'll be okay as long as he has you. He's actually told me a lot about you. I know you haven't known each other long, but the fact that you came all this way to support someone you just met just shows how much of an amazingly kind woman you are." I could honestly cry from her words, it means so much to me to hear this from someone who reminds me so much of my own mother. "Thank you." Is all I can get out without tearing up. I look up at her and give her a smile and she nods, then looks back at Niall, who is leaning against the opposite wall staring at us very intently. I get up and walk back over to him. 

He talks to his mum about me? I smile at him and take his hands in mine. "How are you?" I whisper to him. He looks at me a bit concerned but became relaxed once I grabbed his hands.

"Better, but still not great." He responds and looks down at our hands fondling each others. He looks back up at me and we make emotional eye contact. I could see the pain and fear in his eyes, he's terrified. 

In that moment, I felt the need to hug him. I wasn't sure if this was appropriate because we are in the same room as his mum and step-dad, but they seemed busy talking to each other, and Niall seems so distraught. He appreciated it though, because when i put my arms around him he did the same and pulled me in tight. The tightness gives him comfort, and me too. 

"Thank you so much." He says into my hair. 

"Of course." I respond as we continue holding each other for a little while. He lets up, and looks at me.

"Stay with me tonight?" This caught me off guard, I kind of expected to stay here, but I think he wants to go home, and with me? Does he want to... No, not now, not after this. I know I shouldn't worry but my anxiety creeps in even when I don't want her to.

"What?" I ask for clarification.

"Not like that, promise. I just don't think I can be alone tonight. I know it's a lot to ask from you after 4 days, but please? I'll cook for you even." He sounds desperate, I can hear it in his voice and see the desperation in his eyes. He's hurting, if it were me, I'd want companionship during this time too.

"Sure I'll stay with you, I'll just need to get some of my stuff so I can be ready for work tomorrow." 

"Oh," He says, I think he forgot I had work tomorrow, because he doesn't. "I didn't realize, you don't have t-" 

"I want to, Niall. If it were me, I'd want the same thing. And it was me." I squeeze his hand again, "We'll just swing by my house on the way back to yours, if you're okay with picking up your car tomorrow." He just nods. I don't want to force him to talk, I know when feeling this low, the thought of having to create sentences and physically speak them, is the most exhausting feeling in the world. 

I turn around to his family and say, "Thank you for letting me be here. If you need anything, I'm here." Right when I finish saying the last word Niall squeezes my hand to signal me to look at him. He looks at me as to tell me to stop, then says, "Yeah, same. I love you, mum. We'll figure this out together, but I really need to sleep right now."

"I understand." His mum says. He gets up and walks to his mum to give her a hug as I hear a muffled, "I love you" come from his mother. I wait back near the door for Niall. He gives a small nod to Joseph. Once he's done saying goodbye, we walk out into the hallway and I can see his tense shoulders relax significantly. I take his arm again as we quietly walk back out to my car. Once we reach the car, Niall stops. He turns to me and leans in to kiss me. His soft lips touch mine as they move very slowly and gently together. He puts his arms around me and I do the same around his head. I put my hands through his hair, I know he loves this because every time I've done it, I've heard a small moan. But this time, it's sweet, tender, loving, comforting. He breaks the kiss and hugs me once again, now that we're in private. He breaks down again and begins to cry. I try my best to comfort him outside in the cold, but he breaks the hug almost as soon as he began crying. In a shaky voice he says, "I don't mind staying at your place if that's more convenient for you." It honestly would be if I think about it. I also have his clothes he let me borrow from our date night he can sleep in. 

"Okay sure." I say. We get into the car and I drive home, he lays his head on the window as he slowly whimpers tears falling from his eyes every now and then. I reached out for his hand to hold it, but I don't think he has the energy to do so right now, so I keep my hand on top of his and move my thumb over it. 

I finally roll up in front of my flat and park. Niall has closed his eyes for a little. I nudged him and he jolted awake. "MUM?" he screamed. 

"No, just me, love." I say as I run my thumb over his hand. He looks at me and gives me a weak and exhausted smile. He needs to sleep. Should we sleep in the same bed? He's too exhausted to do anything, right? I can't keep living in fear. I'm torturing myself over him, and Niall isn't him.

We both get out of the car and I walk him up to my flat. He hasn't seen my flat yet, I hope he isn't disappointed because it's definitely nothing like his. 

We walk in, and his eyes are still droopy but widen a smidge at the sight of my small flat. I always keep it very well put together because I hate mess. It gives me anxiety when things aren't put together because it makes me feel like my life isn't put together. I'm scared for what he's about to say. I know he's sweet, but it's definitely not as extravagant as his. 

"I love it, it's so cozy. I already feel safe here." He walks over to me and hugs me from behind. He could pick up on my timid behavior because he added, "Were you scare to show me?" I slightly nodded, I don't want to make him feel bad, but I'm still working my way up. He puts his hand under my chin and moves my head to look up at him. "I would never judge you, there's no need to feel nervous. My flat isn't even mine." we both chuckle at the same time. This is the first time I've seen him genuinely smile and laugh since all of this began. After a small silence we just stare into each others eyes fonding each other. I snap out of it to say, "Erm, I have your clothes you let me borrow, I cleaned them, you can wear them to bed." He seems relieved that he doesn't have to sleep in a suit tonight. We walk into my bedroom and I hand him his clothes. 

"Thank you, babe." He says, "You don't mind if I change here right?" Babe... who knew one word would send shivers up my spine. And change in front of me? right there? I don't mind. 

"Yes of course!" I turn around as to give him some privacy. I don't hear anything other than some slight foot steps come up behind me. I can feel his hand go down my arm slightly and back up again. I look at his slightly and realize he's shirtless. He's not just shirtless, he's almost naked! Only wearing underpants. I look at him shocked, butI don't ever want to look away. His chest is so toned with some bits of hair. All I can see is his black boxer briefs.

"I sleep naked, I hope this is okay. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but if you want I can put on the clothes, I'll just be-" I couldn't control myself, I smashed my lips into his. He smiles on my lips as I accidentally push him on the bed from the kiss. I'm still in my business clothes, but he's just so beautiful. 

"Would you like to change? And are you okay with this?" He says when he interrupts our passion. 

"Yes, and Yes." I say back at him as I take off my shirt in front of him. I am only wearing a bra. I won't let him do anything to me tonight, not for a long while, but that doesn't mean I can't make him feel good. I stand up and take off my trousers and put a large t-shirt over myself before taking off my bra. I hate bras, they hurt like hell. I look at him and he's laying on the bed with his eyes closed. He didn't want to watch me change either. I've never met or been with a guy that is this considerate of me and my comfort levels. I walk back over to him and nudge his knee with mine and he opens his eyes. "You done?" He asks with a cheeky smile. I nod and climb back on top of him and straddle him as we begin where we left off. He grabs the small of my back and pulls me closer to him. so that the only thing separating us is the thin cloth of my t-shirt. 

Just like the bench, I feel a bulge grow beneath me. This time it's more intense though. He's only in his underwear. I'm conflicted because, he feels so good on me, but I know if I do too much I'll have a panic attack. So I start small. I grind on him again, which feels amazing. I move my way down to his neck with my mouth and down his chest and stop right before the waste band. 

"You want this?" He nods. 

"Do you want this?" He asks me. And I nod back at him. Consent. It isn't that hard. I wish everyone understood that.

I begin to palm him through his underwear. I can feel his large penis under my hand and I go up and down over the cloth. I then slide my hand under his waste band and grab a hold of it as I begin pulsing. His head goes back in pleasure as I continue to pump. I then pull down his underwear to reveal it in the moonlight. We never turned on the real lights. I grab it again and look up at him as to ask again, and he nods. 

I then get the courage to take him in my mouth. I haven't done this in so long, I almost forgot how it worked. His is also the biggest I've ever pleased. I start to pump up and down with my hand as I follow with my mouth. I hear him moan and it makes me shiver with desire to know I'm making him feel so good. He places his hand in my hair as I continue. I slowly start to increase my speed as he does with his hips. 

"Fuck" I hear him say, "You're so good, babe." I love this new 'babe' thing, it makes me feel wanted. I continue to increase speed as his breathing thickens.

"I'm going to-" He says but pauses as it gets so intense for him he can't continue speaking. And just like that he comes undone in my mouth, "Fuck." is all he can say. I've done this before, but I forgot how most of it worked. I decided to swallow. It's our first time doing something like this together, I don't want him to be embarrassed. 

"Damn, Clara." He says. I smirk up at him. and hand him his briefs as I stand up to go brush my teeth for the night. I always do, but I also want to kiss him and for him not to taste our sins. As I begin to brush my teeth I see a boxer brief boy again in the mirror behind me as I brush my teeth. He bends down and starts kissing and biting on my neck. I rinse and spit and once I'm done I turn to Niall. 

"Hey... babe." I say in a cute but mocking way. " I kind of like it." He looks at me and then leans in to my ear and says in his lowest, sexiest voice, "Babe." I feel a jolt of electricity go through my entire body from that one word. I think he can tell that I'm ready for bed, because he then takes my hand walks me to the bed and once I get in, he places the blankets over me. I give him the biggest, dorkiest, smile from this small gesture. He walks to the other side of the bed and joins me. I scoots a little closer to him, hoping he will cuddle me. Like clockwork he does, but very minimally. He places his hand on my arm from a foot behind me. 

"You know, I'm okay if you want to cuddle." I just wanted to be straight forward with him, to ease his wondering mind. "Okay." He responds and moves closer to me and pulls my backside in close to him, and he places his head on my shoulder and hisses up my neck. 

"You're incredible. Do you know that?"

"Incredible at giving head or.." I joke.

"Well, yes. But that's not what I was getting at." He gives me a slight chuckle. "For helping me today, for calming me down, for being so respectful to my mum, and for staying the night with me. It means so much to me." I cant help but blush as I turn to face him. take his hand and squeeze. 

"Of course. I've been there and I wanted to make sure you were okay." I say looking up at him.

"You're a real angel." He kisses my forehead. "But, I am utterly exhausted. Goodnight, Clara." He says before instantly passing out. Wow he was tired.

"Goodnight, Niall." I say back, even if he couldn't hear it, I wanted to say it. I turn back around and fall asleep a few minutes later. He's so warm and cozy, I could stay like this forever. Would that be so bad?


	10. Ten : The Come Down

I jolt awake from my alarm the following morning. I reach to turn it off and I notice an arm under me. I jump a tad and look back and see an adorable squirming Niall sleeping next to me. His eyes flutter open from my movement coupled with the alarm, He looks up at me and gives me a small smile and closes his eyes again. He was so exhausted. I wouldn't mind him staying here while I go to work if he needed some time, I trust him. 

I lean over toward him and kiss his forehead. His mouth turns into a smile again and he speaks a groggy, "Morning," with his eyes still shut. 

"Well, good morning sunshine." I say back to him. He opens his eyes towards me as we sit on the bed together in comfortable silence, just enjoying each others company. 

I bring my hand up to move his slightly disheveled hair out of his face and caress his cheek. "How are you feeling?" I ask with a high level of concern in my voice. I don't want him to think that I'm patronizing him, I just want to know if he's okay. He grabs my hand I'm using to comfort him and hold it in his.

"I'm still really low, but better. I'm just scared," He sits up. "I just don't want to lose her." He looks down at his hand holding mine as our fingers begin to fondle each other. He likes my touch, it's something comforting to him, and I'm glad I can help him. "You helped tons, Clara. If I was alone last night, God knows what I would've done. I have a bit of a past of blowing up when serious situations like this occur in my life. Like when my mum and Joseph began dating. I really didn't take it well." I scoot closer to him and lay my head on his shoulder as he tells me this, still with our hands fondling each other. 

"I was going to ask you about that actually. How is it that your step-dad's name is Horan as well?" I was really curious about this the night before, but it felt too inappropriate to bring this up.

"Well, he's my uncle." He pauses and I can feel his arm tense up under me. I squeeze his hand for reassurance. "He helped me and my mum leave my dad. I guess in all that time, they became really close. I hated him, how could he go after his brothers wife?" I can tell he's getting more angry now. "There's a reason I don't trust him, I only tolerate him for my mum's sake."

Wow. I was not expecting this. "I'm sorry if I made you uneasy at all, we can change the subject." And right when I say that he noticeably relaxes and places his head on top of mine thats laying on his shoulder still. "It's okay, Clara, I want you to know. But he still makes me angry." This makes a lot more sense thinking back to our conversation about him earlier. I smile and we take a minute of silence to enjoy each others closeness. I snuggle closer into him and he moves his arm to go around me to pull me in. 

I love this feeling. This is the first time I've ever felt safe in a mans arms since the incident, and I'm living in bliss. I think I'm going to tell him after our date. I think by then, it'll be time because after last night, he will most likely want to return the favor and I need to be honest. Will he leave? Will he drop me right after I tell him? It's happened before with guys I've talked to since uni, but Niall seems different. I won't know until I actually tell him about it though So it's settled, after the date.

I look at my clock and notice it says 9:00am. "Oh my god! I'm going to get fired!" I start pacing, I scramble for my phone and surprisingly I see no texts or calls from Ms. Thomas. 

"You won't get fired. I told my mum to tell Joseph that I was staying with you and he took care of everything just in case you ended up not going. It was just in case, I didn't want my drama to cost you a job." He did this for me? Not going to lie, I'm a little off because he didn't tell me he did this, but I understand the sentiment, it was really sweet of him to think about my career and how much it means to me, even if I hate my job. 

"Wait really?" He nods, "Thank you, Niall, thank you so much," I say in a light voice. I grab my pillow and softly hit him in the arm and continue, "but if you ever do this again, you'll need to tell me. I almost had a heart attack." He laughs at my lame attempt at a pillow fight. 

"Okay, I promise." He says mocking with these big blue puppy dog eyes. I pause, but in my moment of weakness, he grabs the pillow from my hands and hits me with it too. I can't help but laugh. He's smiling, genuinely happy. That's what I like to see, some hope in the darkness. 

"I like your smile." I say out loud without thinking. He looks at me, "What?" 

"Oh, nothing..." my cheeks flush red and I look down to avoid eye contact. How am I still this embarrassed even after our very intimate moment yesterday. Adult dating is weird. You're intimate but still distant at the same time. I feel his hand touch my chin to pull my head up to look at his. He looks into my eyes and pushes my hair behind my ear. "I think you're beautiful." He says with all of the confidence in the world. He means this. I blush again but this time harder as I smile like a little kid. I can't wait any longer and I smash my lips into his. The fire ignited between us as our lips moved in tune with one another. It was tender yet passionate. A perfect mix of both. I straddle him again and we deepen into our kiss more and more. I use my tongue to ask for access and he allows it. We are perfectly connected in every way possible. 

All of a sudden, I feel his hand move down my back and reach to my butt and squeezes. I jump a bit at the feeling, it feels good, but I wasn't expecting it. I break our kiss in a panic and get up from the bed, but I try to keep it nonchalant so he doesn't suspect anything. 

"Are you okay?" He asks. Fuck.

"Yeah, I am completely okay!" I say with a smile but he looks at me even more puzzled. I'm not doing very well at hiding it am I? 

"Okay, look." I say in a more relaxed manner and move toward him again. I sit in front of him and he seems frightened and worried. I feel so bad, in another world I would've loved that, I actually DID love that, but my panic became too big. How can I ever be in a relationship if this is going to happen every time I try to be intimate with anyone. It's a lost cause. 

"I don't want you to think that I don't enjoy everything we're doing. I really am. There's something I want to tell you that will explain all of my weird episodes I've had since the night you met me. I'm not a normal girl, but I don't want you worrying about me. There's a reason I haven't got close to anyone in a while, and I'm not sure I'm ready to share it yet." God this is one of the hardest conversations ever, and I'm not even explaining it. But, I think he understands the path I'm going down with this and his eyes soften and sadden. He understands. He knows. 

"Oh Clara." He says and all he does is hug me and I return the favor. Just a deep emotional hug. "I understand, you don't have to talk about anything you're not ready to." I can feel my eyes start to tear up, because he knows exactly what I'm getting at. "Thank you..." I hesitate, "Babe." 

This is my attempt at lightening the conversation and changing the subject. We pull apart and he looks careful. Like he doesn't want to hurt me. This is one reason why I really didn't want to tell him yet, until we were both much more comfortable, but once I explain it all, we'll discuss how to move forward. For now we just got to... GET TO WORK! I almost forgot. 

"Niall, I really do enjoy your company and being with you." I pause for dramatic effect, "And making you feel good." I add a cheeky smile and his muscles soften as he chuckles from my words "BUT, I need to get to work. Even if I'm late." 

"Ugh, can't you just not go and stay with me?" He pleads. 

"No, Niall. I wish I could. But, is our dinner date still on for tomorrow?" I think he forgot because he seemed a bit off guard when I asked this.

"Oh Yeah!" he exclaims with excitement. "I won't be able to get you out of my head until then." He uses my arm to pull me closer to him so he can give me a peck on the lips. He's a bit more pulled back with this, considering what I just told him, but I appreciate him trying not to make me feel bad or uncomfortable after opening up a bit. 

I smile at him as my cheeks return to that bright shade of red. I release myself from his slight hold and grab some clothes and head to the bathroom to shut the door. He hasn't seen me naked yet, and I don't want him to until I'm ready. I get dressed, brush my teeth and I'm about to finish when I hear a knock. "Babe, I know you're getting ready but I'm about to piss myself." I chuckle slightly as I open the door to leave and let him in. I smile up at him and he fast walks passed me to the toilet. I shut the door behind me before I could witness anything. After a minute he comes back out and I have completed my makeup and am in the process of putting my shoes on. 

He comes out and is wearing the clothes he let me borrow from our movie date night. "Fits like a glove." He says. 

"Well it better." I laugh. I didn't notice him holding the clothes when he went into the bathroom, I guess he was waiting. I walk up to him very tenderly and place my palm on his cheek.

"Do you think you'll be okay to be alone until our date tomorrow? After everything?" His happy expression fades as I bring up his mum again. I feel bad, but I also want to make sure he'll be okay without me. 

"I'll be okay, you actually helped distract me for a night and for that I'm eternally grateful. But I think today and tomorrow, I'll need to get through alone." He shuffles his feet to hide his anxiety. 

"I understand completely, but know that if you need ANYTHING, I'm just a text away." He smiles from my offer. I lean up to kiss him and he kisses back slightly more full than the last time, but still held back. I think he's becoming more comfortable again, hopefully. 

"Now let's get you back to your life as I go back to hell." I smile and he gives out a small laugh from my joke.

I walk out and he follows. On the ride back, we mostly banter about our favorite music artists and movies that inspire us in our fields. Me with music, and him with film. We pull up next to his car. 

I won't see him for another day. This will be the first real day spent apart since we met. I need some me time and I can tell he does too, even though I wouldn't mind staying like this forever.

He turns to me and squeezes our already intertwined fingers. "Thank you again, there aren't enough words for me to express how grateful I am. You helped me so much, and I know I sound like a broken record, but last night was definitely by far one of the hardest days of my life." He pulls our handhold up to his mouth for him to kiss. "Thank you, Clara." His voice breaks.I can hear the hurt in his voice as he talks about last night. 

"I'll always be here if you need." I squeeze his hand back. "You're strong Niall, but it's okay to let yourself feel." He nods but doesn't answer. After a few seconds of silence, I change the subject.

"Also, I can't wait for our date." I wink at him and he chuckles under his breathe. "Me neither, babe." He responds with a cheeky smile. Ugh I love it when he calls me that, my heart flutters at the sound. We both lean in simultaneously to kiss each other. It was a very loving and soft kiss. One that I think could stand the test of time. 

We break the spark, he grabs his stuff and gets out of the car, but looks back at me before closing the door.

"I'll see you then, beautiful." And immediately closes the door. Oh my god I could scream! I haven't felt this cared for, respected, and turned on by a man my entire life. This feels absolutely amazing. I see him drive away and now I have to face my real life. My job.

I walk into the building and up to my floor when I bump into Joseph. After hearing what Niall had to say about him, I see him differently. 

"Hi Clara!" he exclaims. 

"Hi, Mr. Horan!" I say back.

"Please call me Joe." Joe? Niall doesn't even call him that. "How is Niall?" He asks almost immediately. 

"He's doing okay, he's on his way back to his flat." Joe smiles.

"Good, I'm glad you were there last night, it must've been hard on him, I know it was for me."

"Yeah, he's struggling, but he'll be okay. I've been through this same thing in my family, so I understand." He just nods in respect. 

"Well, thank you again. I'm glad he has a sweet, supportive, girl like you in his life." I smile.

"Thank you, Joe." I say the last part with distinction as to show him I'm using it correctly. He chuckles.

"Well good luck at work, especially with Thomas, and if she ever does anything or you need anything, I'll be here."

"Thank you so much!" I exclaim. He nods again as a goodbye and heads back into his office and I walk to mine. I'm shaking at the thought of what Ms.Thomas is going to say about this. I walk in and notice, she isn't even working today. Weird. No wonder I heard nothing from her. I get to my desk and notice this small post it on top of a stack of papers. 

These need to be filed by Wednesday.

What the actual fuck? This is going to take me forever! Hopefully I'll be able to finish most today, but we'll find out. 

I begin hacking away at my work and before I know it, it's dark again. I skipped lunch for this, and I didn't even notice. I just didn't want this to take up all of tomorrow because I'm supposed to leave early so I can get ready for Niall. I check the clock and it's 7:00pm already. Damn. I finish my last paper and I feel accomplished, but my stomach hurts from not eating anything today. Fuck Ms. Psycho she over works the shit out of me.

I pack up all of my stuff, say goodbye to Lucy and get on my way. Since I completed all my work, I technically don't have to come in tomorrow. She intended for this to keep me busy today and tomorrow. I'm free to have a day to myself. This is the first time in a while, I've been able to do this. 

I hop in my car and drive home. I check my phone and there are no messages. I don't know why I long for a message from Niall, but I know he needs space right now. I put my phone in my pocket and walk back into my flat. I make myself a small dinner that will fill me up after my long day of working. My body must've felt malnourished, because once I ate, I felt a million times better. 

I walk to my room and notice something on my bed. It's Niall's shirt he was wearing last night. It was neatly folded. He must've left this for me before we left, because I'm completely surprised. On top is a napkin from my side table with, 

Since you like sleeping in shirts, here's mine

I truly do love his gestures, they mean so much to me. I take a picture and send it to him with the message:

* Thank you, babe ;)*

I quickly throw off my clothes and throw his shirt over me, which gives me that smokey cinnamon smell. I take it all in as I drift myself to sleep.


	11. Eleven : Dream Date

We walk back into my flat, kissing passionately while walking towards the bedroom, slowly taking off articles of clothing. This is it, it's happening. We're finally going to have sex. I tug at his t-shirt as to signal him to take it off. He obeys and throws it off. While he was taking his shirt off I took mine off as well. Our kiss deepens more and more as we trip over the bed and fall on top. We laugh in unison, but quickly return to our hot and steamy state. He reaches toward my back and unclasps my bra. I let it fall. Weird. 

We connect again this time skin on skin, my breasts touch his toned and slightly hairy chest as I straddle on top of him. He reaches my butt with both of his hands and squeezes hard. He then slipped his hand under my skirt as to help slide them off of me, which he is successful at. I am now completely in my underwear. I reach my hand down to his crotch and start palming through his jeans before unbuckling his belt. I pull it through the loops and unbutton the blue clothing. He understands where I'm going and assists in taking off his trousers. Now the only thing separating us are both of our underwear cloths. He uses his hand to reach down to my sensitive area.

"God you're so wet for me baby." My insides explode with butterflies mixed with fiery passion. I slam my lips on his and continue to use my tongue to massage his. His skin feels so good on mine, I never want this to end.

He starts kissing down my neck and biting at every possible area he can. Ugh, he feels so good. He reaches my breasts with his mouth and begins to line my nipples with his tongue before giving them a little nibble. 

"Oh!" I exclaim mixed with a loud moan. He chuckles slightly. 

"I want to make you feel good baby. Do you want to-"

"Yes." I say interrupting him, I'm ready, I'm finally ready. He reaches to the side of the bed for a condom, and I use this time to take off my underwear to reveal myself completely naked. He's seeing me, all of me, and I love every second of it. He pulls his down as well as he slides on the condom slowly as to make me squirm. Once he's done he comes and picks me up and lays me gently on the bed. 

"I'm going to make you feel so good, you'll never want to stop." I throw my hand around his neck as he begins to -

BAAAH BAAAH BAAAH

I jolt awake from my very sexy dream. What the fuck was that. I've been so sex deprived that now even the smallest but of intimacy makes me fantasize again. But, not going to lie, I want that. I want to feel comfortable just going in like that without getting anxious. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth to cleans myself of the sins I just dreamed about. Tempting sins. 

UGH! I shake my head as an attempt to get that image out of my mind, but I really can't. I want to be that, be so carefree. I want that. I'm an adult, a healthy woman, and women do pleasure themselves. I do it a lot, since I haven't really let a man touch me in years. And right now, from that dream, I need to release myself. I move back to the bedroom and sit on my bed. 

I read somewhere that pleasing yourself is actually really healthy, and I think of that often to help me not feel as embarrassed for doing it. I grab my small vibrating toy from my side table drawer and turn it on. I begin moving it along my sensitive area and I can't help but get the image from my dream out of my head. After a minute or two of continuous movement, I come. That felt freeing and amazing. I can now go throughout the rest of my day, not thinking about it as I get ready for my date tonight. 

Oh no. After that dream, I won't be able to look at him without thinking of it. Why does my brain do this to me. But, nonetheless, I'm really excited to see him tonight. Besides the intimate steamy moments we've shared, the beautiful close ones are also just as enjoyable if not more. Just laying on the sofa cuddling watching Back to the Future, was bliss. I could do anything with him, and I'd enjoy it. I enjoy him.

I need to start getting ready! I think before checking the time on my phone. 

10:00 am it reads. I got to sleep in for once, finally. I'm so glad I have today off, go me for finishing my work early. I look under the time and notice a text message from Niall. 

*I hope the shirt helped you sleep well without me. I can't wait for tonight baby. Will pick you up at 5:30pm?*

Baby?? Oh we're stepping up from 'babe'. He's so charming I can't help myself.

*loved it...baby. And Yes can't wait!* 

I mock a tad but I totally love it. I guess I mock when I actually like something but I tru not to look like I do. I overthink everything. You know what? Tonight, I'm going to completely be myself and let myself go, so I can just enjoy it all. This is how it starts. The over thinking, the anxiety, and then the leaving. It's near impossible for me to stay in relationships. I pray this is different, but I know me.

Nonetheless, I get out of bed, grab some comfy clothes and hop into the shower. Once I get out and get dressed, i notice another text on my phone from Niall. 

*I'll pick you up then. Be ready to blow your mind.*

Blow your mind? That's a powerful statement.

*AHH I can't wait! xoxo*

I text back. I now have 6 and a half hours to fully get ready. This may seem like a lot of time for others, but as a woman, I use every ounce of time I have to get myself ready for something exciting and important. Tonight is when I tell him. Tell him everything. About Matt, about Uni, all of it. He deserves to know before any of this goes further. I wish we could do this once all of the hardships with him mum level out, but after that night of passionate intimacy, I must before we explore anything more. 

I begin my steps with some good old fashion nail painting and body shaving. By hour two, we move on to styling hair and picking out the outfit for tonight. This is actually very hard. He's taking me to a nice dinner, and I want to look presentable, but also sexy and hot at the same time. I look through my closet and find this red form fitting dress I bought years ago but haven't worn for reasons of fear. I think I have grown enough to be able to wear this and enjoy it. I grab it and find nice silver heels to match with it. I'm actually genuinely excited for all of this. I'm not sure what we're doing after the dinner portion, but I hope we have a top off, because I want to be private with him when I tell him. 

I check the time and by the time I finish with my hair it's already an hour away. At this point all I need to do is my makeup and this, I use up the entire hour for. Making sure the colors blended nicely, there are no creases, and no smudges. I want to show him, that I can be professional, sexy, and nice. I have many sides to me. I fins a coat that's war and that would look good with the red dress, I finalize on a black thick coat. 

I feel a buzz on the table in front of me. It's a text from Niall. 

*On my way, gorgeous xo*

He makes my chest burst. I check the time, 5:15pm. I did it! Got ready with time to spare. When it comes to days like this, I enjoy every minute of it. It feels as if I'm treating myself to things I love. I love makeup, I love hair, It's like a personal spa day, and now I get to show Niall the results.

I pace around in anticipation for the night. I put on my heels and as I finish the last buckle, I hear a knock on the door. That must be him. I hope he likes how I look. WAIT! NO! His opinion as it may flatter me, doesn't define me or how beautiful I really am. I pray he isn't one of those, 'You look better without makeup' Like sorry, NO. I'm enjoying my skills. 

I got lost on a side rant in my head, but I'm pulled back out by a second knock on the door. I collect myself and I open the door. 

I open to find a very dapper young man, Niall, looking sexy. His grey suit fits his body so well. The muscles, the chest, his everything. 

"Wow." I say but didn't realize he was ogling me too because he matched my words with a, "Oh wow!" I guess we both really like our dressed up looks.

"You look absolutely stunning, Clara." he says as he walks closer to me. He places his hands on my hips as he leans down to plant a sweet kiss on my lips, 

"I think you look absolutely ravishing, Niall" He gives me a smile and I place my arms around behind his neck.

"You ready?" he asks. I nod and we break our hug only for him to hold out his arm as to escort me to his car. I make sure to lock my door before taking his arm to be safe. 

"Where are you taking me?" I ask. I really am curious.

"Don't worry about it, I know you'll love it!" UGH! I hate surprises I just want to know! But I also don't want to take away all the fun this is giving Niall to plan it out, It's such a sweet gesture and I'm sure I'll love every bit of it, but I get anxious easily when it comes to surprises. 

He opens up the car door for me to get in, wow such a gentleman. He walks around the car and gets in on his side and sits in his seat. "Niall, this is all so sweet already." I say, excited for what's to come. He blushes. 

"Well the night is only getting started." He's got that right. I want to enjoy the date, but the thought of coming clean tonight about someone so personal to me, is rubbing me the wrong way. Is it too soon? I don't know. It hasn't even been a week since I met him and I already feel as though I know him well enough to tell my story. Maybe I'll just stay on the surface and spare the details for now. Just explain why sex scares me and makes me anxious so he can be aware when we decide to move further. 

"So where are you taking me?" I ask to take my mind off of my wandering questions. 

"To one of my favorite places. A small Italian Bistro called Guiseppe's."

" I love Italian!" I exclaim. 

"Perfect!! Also I must say, you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress. I can't stop looking at you." I can't help but blush at his compliment.

"Well I think you look really handsome tonight, I can't stop looking at you!" I want to make sure he feels appreciated too, he really is a gorgeous man, the slick hair, light blue eyes, that smile, his laugh. It's all so mesmerizing. He chuckles at my statement. Most other relationships reach this point, weeks after meeting. But we've seen each other every single day, since the Bachelor party on Saturday. We've been doing this thing in the span of a week. I'm not complaining, I love every second I spend with him, but it's definitely new to me. Oh wow, the wedding, I've completely forgot about it until now. 

"I was meaning to ask you, hows the wedding thing coming along, has Harry been nervous or excited?" I want to know genuinely, he was so nice to me the entire night, apologizing for rowdy behavior and was so considerate when I drove them all home. 

"He's actually been doing pretty good! It's next Saturday, and I still don't know what to get him." He smiles as to hide his disapproving chuckle of the fact he hasn't bought them a gift yet. 

"I'm sure whatever you get them, they will love."

"I know, I honestly forgot all about it since we first started talking and especially after 2 nights ago. It's all been going by so quickly." He notices too, thank god it's not just me. 

"Yeah true, this has been happening really fast. We've only met five days ago and we're already at this point."

"Well I have to admit, the way we met wasn't exactly conventional for a normal adult relationship beginning. Most find someone in a pub and-" He cuts himself off, "Well, you know what I mean. Go home with them one night, may or may not call the next few days for a date, and then move on to the next. I like our story."

Our story, relationship, wow he's either really in deep or we have both gotten this comfortable with each other that saying this stuff doesn't feel awkward, because it doesn't. If it were any other guy I met after 5 days, I would be taken back by the comment. But with him and all the time we've spent learning about each other, it's normal. I don't feel off, I feel appreciated. 

We've both already shared and been a part of each others worst hardships. My mum, my panic attack, and tonights conversation. His mum's health, leaving his dad, and his own emotions on full display. We've seen each other at our lowest and most vulnerable. When you share those experiences with people, relationships bloom quickly. So I shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying myself, our story IS different, it's fast, but it's real. 

"I like our story too. I was just thinking, we've both seen each other at our lowest and that bounds to bond people quickly, and I'm enjoying my time with you, even if it's only been 5 days."

"I completely agree. And know I'm still always here during those hard times."

"I'm here too, babe." I say very nonchalant. That just flowed out. "How has everything been since Monday night?" He hesitates for at least 30 seconds. In that time, he manages to park in front of the restaurant. 

"Honestly, Clara, it's really hard. It's really fucking hard." He puts his head in his hands. I reach over and grab one of them and hold them in mine. I give him that squeeze of comfort. 

"I know, it's okay to feel that way. I know I did." I say to comfort him. I bring up his hand to my mouth and kiss it gently. He looks over at me. He's not crying, but he looks like he wants to. 

"Thank you. Can we not talk about it more though? I really want us to have a good time tonight with everything I have planned." I smile at him and he smiles back. He seems more upbeat and cheery at the last part because he ended it with a wink. My insides go crazy at that wink. He's so sexy. I can't wait for what's in store tonight. 

-

We walk in to the restaurant arm in arm. 

"Reservations for Horan, Niall." He says to the young lady and she asks someone to escort us to our placement. As we walk through the restaurant, I look around and notice all these really fancy, rich looking people all around me. I feel bad because I'm definitely not on the same level as these people. We sit down and are handed our menus. I think Niall notices that I look a little nervous surrounded by all of these people, so he reaches for my hand and squeezes it. We get each other so quickly. This never happens. It's so unconventional and instant that I admit that it gives me some form of anxiety. What if, it doesn't work out because it was too quick, what if theres something I don't know yet about him that could ruin the relationship. Maybe I'll do something HE won't like. So many possibilities but I want none of them to be real. I love every second with him and every time I think the ball is going to drop, it doesn't. He just keeps getting better and better. 

"Are you okay?" He asks me. I snap out of my thoughts and focus back on what's happening now. 

"Yes! I'm sorry, I was just thinking a lot." I've been doing that a lot tonight. My anxiety is probably kicking in because of my reveal tonight.

"You sure?"

"yeah, I'm sure. Just a tad anxious, but we can talk about that after, right now, I just want to enjoy this delicious meal with a hot guy I just met." I give him a smirk at the mention of hot.

He blushes and chuckles at the same time. His shoulders relax at my change of subject. He cares. I can see it. I can see it every time he asks how I am, or sees my anxiety ticks and when he squeezes my hand. I can see it in his eyes. Every minute that passes by just gives me more reasons to like him more and more. 

We both pull up our menus to look for what we're going to order. I decide on a good Alfredo pasta dish and he chooses a stake dinner. Once we order, we sit in silence for a few seconds before I break the silence. 

"So, Niall..." I say and he looks up curious.

"Yes?" 

"Did you ever go to Uni? Or did you do something else?" I want to know more about him, I feel like I've talked about myself a lot and I want him to know that he's just as important too. He smiles at my question and looks back down at his plate.

"Yeah! I actually went to Uni here in London." Wait so did I.

"Wait, where?" Did we go to the same school? We couldn't have, I would've remembered him, but it was a big school and honestly after the incident, my brain actually blacked out most of my Uni life as to protect me. I was diagnosed with PTSD soon after.

"I went to University of London! I graduated about 2 years ago and have been working at MV since." Holy shit.

"Wait really?? I went there too!! But I graduated a few months ago." This is absolutely wild.

"Really??? How have we never met before? I know I wouldn't miss a girl like you there."

"Yeah after my second year, I became a bit of a loner, only went to classes, then home, then repeat. I still take some classes online, but right now, they're just for knowledge and if I ever want to get a higher degree."

"Wow you really are incredible, I hated school, I couldn't wait to leave." We both laugh. 

"Why did you become a loner?" He continues his questioning.

"Erm..." I know why, theres a clear answer why, but it isn't really dinner talk conversation. I'll keep it surface level until later. "... Well something happened and I was being taken advantage of, I lost all the friends I had, and after that I vowed to only focus on school. I guess I haven't recovered much in the last few months considering how awkward I was with you in the beginning." My attempt to change the subject didn't work because I could see the sad glimmer in his eyes. He reaches for my hand and squeezes it for comfort. 

"For one, you weren't awkward at all, and second, I'm sorry. Does this have anything to do with what you were talking about the night I slept over?" I just nod. "You don't have to tell me, I can see that this is hard for you."

"I want you to know. But I also don't want to ruin anything, I know you're going through a lot right now with your family, and we just want to have fun, I-"

"Clara, Clara." He interrupts my manic speaking. "I understand. But also know, no matter how much I go through or have been through, doesn't mean I cant help or listen to someone else's hard times. There is no 'right way' to live life. I mean look at us. We keep bringing it up, but this has literally been the best 5 days I've had in a long time, other than the night with my mum, and I owe that to you. You already know all of my hardships and have helped me through one of the biggest. I haven't gone in detail about some things, but you know of them, and I'm open to explaining them anytime.But, I don't need to know yet if you want to wait. I understand."

Wow. Just wow. This is way too easy. Relationships shouldn't be this easy, but that could be my pessimistic anxious mind speaking for me. He understands me deeper than people I have known for years. 

"I mean I definitely owe a lot of that to me having an impromptu panic attack 5 hours after meeting me." We both chuckle. "But, thank you, Niall. That honestly means more than you know to me."

"Also, if it's at all what I'm thinking you're hinting at, there is no way, it could ruin the way I feel about you." He's good, damn.

"You really know all the right things to say, huh?"

"Nah, I'm just not a shit person who's incapable of empathy." We laugh together. Well I guess now is a better time than any. 

"I think, I'm ready to tell you. As long as you're ready to hear it. I don't want to ruin dinner."

"Babe, don't worry about dinner, this is about you. It's okay." I nod and look down. 

Okay... Here goes.


	12. Twelve : The Reveal

"You're sure? You're not just saying that?" I ask to clarify.

"I'm sure, we'll still have a good dinner. The whole point of this was to get to know you better and show you one of my favorite places. There's nothing you could say that will 'ruin' this dinner." He says ruin with air quotes. 

I let out a deep breath. I can tell I'm slightly shaking thinking about it. I would really much rather do this in private. Just thinking about telling him here in front of all these people is giving me anxiety. 

"Niall? Can I tell you after dinner, when we're completely alone. I'd feel more comfortable that way." I finally say. I kept pushing it off because I've been talking about explaining it now, when I really shouldn't have. I can't do this in front of all these people.

"Of course baby." he says. He takes my hand again and squeezes it before bringing it up to his mouth to kiss. He uses his other hand and rubs the top of the one he's holding with the other. 

"You're safe, baby. You're safe with me." I visibly relax. My shoulders loosen, and I sit back in my chair. 

"Thank you" I say so quietly that it's as if I mouthed it to him. He squeezes again before letting go at the sign of our waiter coming with our food. 

I don't know if it's my anxiety, or my stomach but all of a sudden I wasn't hungry anymore. I'm going to force myself to eat as much as possible, but I'm too anxious to eat. 

He digs in, immediately and I begin to nibble at my food. Even if my stomach is turning, this food is AMAZIng.

"Oh my god, Niall! This food is absolutely amazing!" His lips slowly turn into a smile as he chews and my god if it isn't the cutest thing I have ever seen. 

"I'm glad you like it, babe." I will never get over that. After eating and only talking between bites about things like our favorite colors, dream vacation, and music artists; Which by the way his are green, Thailand, and Bruce Springsteen as mine are blue, Italy, and Queen; it becomes silent again. 

"How has your anxiety been lately?" He asks me. How has my anxiety been? 

"Honestly, the last panic attack I had was in that car with you. Yeah I've gotten anxious since then but this is the longest I've gone without having a panic attack." Does this mean I'm overdue for one? No it can't be, why is this happening. I'm really confused by this actually.

"Really? How often do you usually get them?"

"Almost once a day, usually every other day." I respond. It's been 5 days since I had a panic attack. That's both frightening and amazing at the same time. Something has changed, because I've been living in bliss for 5 days. 

"That's so amazing Clara! I'm really happy for you. I know they can be debilitating but you're fighting and staying strong." He squeezes my hand again and I smile back at him before digging back into my food. My nerves have been calming down more and more as the night goes on. The way he comforts me with the hand holding and the longing looks. I melt every time.

We finish eating in silence and wait for the check to come after the waiter takes our dishes. I begin to panic more knowing the dinner part is coming to an end and the time to open up is inching closer. 

"Do you want to go back to mine, or yours, and relax??" Niall says to break the silence. I nod before saying, "Can it be mine?" I want to make sure I feel as comfortable as possible before going in depth. 

"Of course, baby." He holds my had with both of his. "I made sure to bring a change of clothes just in case." He gives me that cheeky smile that I love.

"Change of clothes??" I asked confused. Why would he need to-

"yeah! I can't cuddle you wearing this suit now can I? I'd feel way too stuffy." He softly chuckles at this. That makes more sense, I guess my anxiety is on hyperdrive that any little thing worries me.

"Hey, babe, it's okay." He squeezes my hand, "I'm here, I'll keep you safe." This for some reason instantly relaxes me. I don't know how. If it were anyone else I hd just met 5 days ago, no matter who, I wouldn't feel this comfortable with them. I nod back at him in understanding and he gives me a half smile.

He finishes paying the check and gets up from his seat and walking over to mine to help me up. He's such a gentleman. I can't help but blush at his gesture. I look down to try and hide it, but to no avail.

"You're cute when you blush." He states after noticing my red complexion, which makes me grow even more red. 

"Oh stop it you." I say in a joking way. I'm really not good at taking compliments, I don't know why. 

We walk back out to his car and we begin driving towards my house. He almost knows the entire route, but not completely because he had to start asking questions for the last 5 minutes. He's so cute, I can't stop looking at him in awe. His beautifully flopped over light brown hair, his deep blue eyes that make my insides stir every time I look into them, that smile that just makes you want to smile forever with him. He's absolutely perfect and it makes me wonder what on earth is he doing with me? I'm not special. I'm just an average damaged girl trying to make a living, but he's this beautiful and caring man who understands and helps. It almost scares me more, like when is it going to end? When is that deal breaker going to come up and I'll have to leave? This is why I leave so early, there's always something.

We continue to sit in comfortable silence for the entire car ride. I'm deep in thought for most of it, but the entire time, our hands are perfectly intertwined as if we were two puzzle pieces. I don't feel the need to talk to break any awkwardness or tension, I feel contend sitting in silence with him. And before I knew it, we reached my house.

The sight of my house ramped up my anxiety immediately and I audibly start to breathe heavier.Niall notices because he instantly reaches over to me and turns me to look at him and says, "You're safe. I'm here." And moves a hand up to caress my face. He really knows what to say to help me calm down because after that my breathing slowed and I could think again. He's a wizard. 

"Thank you." Is all I could manage out. He then gets out of his seat and walks over to my side, opening my door and helping me get out before giving me a long, tight, and cozy hug. In this moment, all my fears are washed away by the smokey cinnamon cologne he's wearing. It's my favorite smell in the world.

He let's go and offers his arm to me to hold on to before walking to my flat. He's so supportive, I could gush over it all night, but it won't change the fact that I'm about to drop one of the biggest bombshells on him that could break this relationship down completely. I don't want it to, but it wouldn't be the first time it happened.

We reach my door and I let us inside. I immediately head to my room to change into baggy, comfy, and modest clothing. If I'm going to be explaining everything, I want to cover up. Not because I don't trust him to see my body, but when talking about this issue, the image of my body or thought of anyone seeing me that vulnerable triggers me. It helps me feel safe. 

"Niall, you can change in here too." I add forgetting I just ditched him in the living room. I'm being so off tonight because of this and I just need to rip off the band-aid. 

"It's okay, I've already changed!" He calls back at me. I walk out to the living room and see him in those grey sweats he let me borrow and a plain blue t-shirt. We definitely are ones for comfort.

I walk over to him and grab both of his hands before looking up into his eyes. 

"Niall, I'm going to tell you what happened at Uni, but first I want to make sure you're okay with it. I have to be honest, I'm really fucking anxious right now thinking about this and I just want to know it's okay to tell you something so personal."

"Yes of course, Clara. It's definitely okay with it. I'm here for you no matter what you say, I won't leave or make you feel invalidated." He pauses, "Well I mean if it isn't you killing someone, then I think we're good." He raises a smile and I match it with a soft giggle. I nod and guide him to the couch still holding both of his hands.

"Okay, So, it happened late into my second year. Summer was about to start and I was very confident and social at this time. The year was coming to an end and I was going to every party I could and meeting every person I could. Then one day I met this boy. We hit it off immediately. He seemed so sweet and caring, but also definitely had a dark side to him. We started talking and seeing each other more and more before the end of year exams. Then by week 3 or so, we were getting intimate, and he wasn't the first I had been with, but I wanted to make sure he felt good, but he would always be a little rough with me when we did. And honestly, I loved it, I still kind of do. But then one night he took it too far." I have to pause myself here before revealing the truth, the entire truth. There is no turning back now, I have to say it. "He put something in my drink at one of his parties he was throwing. Obviously I didn't notice or think he would ever do something like this, we had been talking for weeks and we had already been intimate, I felt like I could trust him. But not even a few minutes later I felt belligerent. I couldn't walk straight, or say a complete sentence. I could see everything around me, I was conscious but I physically couldn't move. He noticed and helped me up saying, 'woah someone's had too much to drink, let me get you to a place where you can rest.' I obviously couldn't say anything back or fight him, I was completely paralyzed everywhere but my mind. "I can feel a tea start to run down my cheek. Nialls thumb moves up to wipe it away. And well, I'll spare you the details, but he didn't let me 'rest', he raped me. And I was awake to witness, feel, and experience the entire thing without being able to move." At this point I break down crying completely, I'm shaking and hyperventilating. 

"I can't-" I say while moving my hand up to show him the violent shaking. He immediately pulls me in close. he just hold me. Both hands on my shoulder and rocks me back and forth while singing to me. He knows how hard this is on me. I try to continue.

"I tried to tell my friends, the police, family, but to no avail. The police said there wasn't anything they could do without proof and my only proof was a few scattered memories of the night. I look back and the only thing I can painfully remember in detail was the act itself. All of my friends at the time were friends of his and none of them believed me and accused me of wanting 'attention' or trying to ruin his life cus he dumped me or some stupid shit like that." I continue to shake while explaining all of this. it's hurting my head and I feel so out of it. It feels as if my entire existence has been separated from my body. "I had.... no one." I say very broken through my sobs. And at this point, He pulls me in even tighter with a hand on my head while repeating, 'shhh shhh' I don't know what else to do in the moment, I can't stop shaking reliving something so traumatic, but Niall is comforting me. He isn't sitting there awkwardly like Sam, or Geoff did, no. He's rocking me back and forth trying to calm me down. He doesn't hate me, or dislike me because of this. I grab a hold onto his shirt with my fists and I sob into his chest. I can feel his chest moving up and down sporadically too. I think he might be crying too.... with me? 

"Clara, I'm.... so sorry, I'm so so sorry. That's awful." I continue to sob into him and he sobs into my shoulder. This, while it looks really sad and rough, is actually the best anyone has reacted to this other than Amber. He's not running, he's not squirming, he immediately hugged me and comforted me. His first thought was, 'I need to help her' not 'she's got too much baggage I'm out of here.' I can't believe this, in a good way. After a good 5 minutes of continued but slowing sobbing, we release each other to look at each other. My makeup must be running all down my face.

" I look like a raccoon, don't I?" I ask him. 

"No, well, a cute raccoon." He responds. "But, I just want to let you know, I'm not thrown off by that and It doesn't make me want to leave either. that is honestly the worst thing anyone could've gone through and the fact that you had to do it alone, breaks my heart. You are so fucking strong. you are extraordinarily strong." His words almost make me want to cry. 

"I still have nightmares, and PTSD, and anxiety from it. My anxiety did start young, but now my triggers are worse. This is why I've been flinching sometimes and why I have been weird almost every time we were together. There was no right way to tell you." 

"Oh, Clara." His eyes start to well up again. 

"Don't cry baby, you'll make me cry and we don't want to see the raccoon spread." I chuckle and he joins me but with a painful undertone.

"I also want you to know, I would NEVER do that. Its fucking disgusting and vile to take advantage of ANYONE. I would never and will never do anything close like that to you." I feel safe knowing he acknowledges my pain and suffering. 

"Is there anything I can do to help, if anything? I want to be as supportive and accommodating as possible." 

"Well, Like I said, I do enjoy sex and I do enjoy it getting rough sometimes. But I haven't had sex since that incident." It's hard for me to get words out at this point.

"I understand completely. We can take it slow and only explore things for you that you explicitly tell me you're open to. How far are you willing to go now. Not at this exact moment, but for next time we ever do anything?" He's already dealing with this a million times better than anyone else I've opened up to. 

"Well, what we've already done I'm comfortable with. I'm willing to try oral on me, or fingers and work our way up slowly. But for right now that's the furthest I think I could handle. One step at a time. And like I said, I do like it rough sometimes, I like the passion, but if you can do that AND respect my boundaries, you are by far the best man that has ever walked into my life." Wow I really just said that. I did, and I mean every word of it. 

"Really? This behavior should be expected. If you'll allow me, I will fight for you always and make you feel as comfortable as possible." 

"You really are a saint, Niall." I say while looking up into his light blue eyes. my panic attack has subsided now that he knows and is definitely not running off like the others.

"Come here." he says while holding his arms out for me to move in to hug him. I oblige and we both lay down on the couch to snuggle together. I feel him kiss my temple and massage my head to help soothe me after that draining explanation. This is why I feel safe, he makes sure I feel safe, he is actually the best man to ever walk into my life. 

"Thank you for not leaving." I say quietly.

"Are you kidding?" He responds, "If anything, I want to stay more knowing that you trusted me with something so traumatic and personal. It brings me one step closer to you, and let me say, you are LITERALLY, one of the bravest people I've EVER met. You're a wonder woman." 

"Thank you so much, babe. Seriously thank you." His response was to use his arms around me to squeeze me for comfort. He really can't stop proving my fears wrong every day. "This has definitely made me very emotionally exhausted and I'm getting really tired." I say.

"Don't worry, you can sleep. I can help keep time of when you need to wake up, just relax baby. Relax and rest, you deserve it." All I could do was nod, I'm utterly, physically, and emotionally drained, I'm ready for some sleep, but Niall's words replay in my head, 'You're a wonder woman.' He knows how to make me feel better at any time. 

At this point, another tear has fallen from my eye, but it's not a sad or angry tear, it's a happy one. A grateful one. Niall stayed. He really did. And before I knew it I drift off to sleep in his arms.


	13. Thirteen : Peace and Work

Peace. 

Peace is what I feel in this exact moment. I can see the birds flying across the blue sky with the green trees blowing in the wind, as I sit on this wooden bench placed under a large tree. I sit there with my eyes closed listening to the sounds of nature and taking it all in. I take a deep breath and I exhale as I open my eyes to see a man standing in front of me. 

Niall. He's standing wearing a white jumper with blue jeans holding a cup of tea that he's about to offer me. I see his small smirk on his face from watching me and I break out into a full grin. 

"Good morning, babe." He says so matter-of-factly. "I made you your signature tea. Camomile with honey and a SPLASH of milk." He matches my grin and I giggle at the fact that he knows my order to a T. 

"Thank you" I grab the mug from his hands and glide my fingers slowly over his skin. I look up at him with a smirk on my face. The wave of sexual tension just one hand touch sent through us in this moment is unmatchable. He puts his arm around me and rests his hand on my waist, where the top of my jeans begin. He uses his thumb to move under my shirt to be able to fondle the skin on my waist. I find comfort in the small, yet intimate touch and snuggle my way into his shoulder. I slowly sip my tea and we sit there in absolute bliss.

BAAAH BAAH BAH

I jolt awake in my bed, alone. I turn over to turn off my clock. That's strange, I don't remember setting it last night. I rub my eyes in confusion. I also don't remember falling asleep in my bed, the last thing I remember is I was falling asleep in Niall's arms.

Niall.

Oh my god, where is he? I get out of bed and start pacing around the house. 

Did something happen that I don't remember? I start to breath heavily thinking about it after telling him my secret last night, I couldn't know. Maybe he wanted to leave quietly instead of making a scene. Oh my god, oh my god, he left me too. Just like the others, just like-

And at that moment I noticed a folded piece of paper on my kitchen counter. It reads:

Clara,

I'm so so so sorry, but I forgot that I had an early work meeting today and I needed to get home and change. Thank you so much for an INCREDIBLE night, it truly was a night I will never forget. I can't wait to see your beautiful face again, hopefully soon. I made sure to set your alarm and tuck you into bed last night, I also began the kettle for your morning tea before I left. You are the strongest person I've ever met and I'm so glad I met you. Text or call me, I will if you don't ;) 

Have an amazing day gorgeous,

your favorite person ever lol

He really knows how to make me happy. Wow. I truly am happy. After just exposing my deepest, most traumatic, secret, I feel.... happy? I feel free. I have never been that open with anyone after the incident other than my therapist, Niall is the first I've told who actually stayed for the whole thing and comforted me after. I'm blown away by him completely. 

beep beep beep

I hear my kettle go off as the hot water inside boils waiting for me to make my tea. I sit in thought for half an hour while drinking my tea and think about Niall. I can't stop thinking about him. I won't be able to stop thinking about him all day or for however long we spend apart, but I do know one thing. I need to actually finish all the work I have to do for VM and the online class. Today's going to be a long day I can already feel it. But happily today's my last day here and tomorrow I start at Bowie's again. I'm excited for what's to come this weekend? More, Niall? More of his friends? More Tom?

TOM! Oh my god I totally forgot he exists this entire week while being with Niall, I've barely thought of him. I feel awful. We just met but I'm always the kind of person to make effort in new friendships and I completely dismissed his. I decide to text him, just to begin the bridge.

*Hey Tom! What's up?* 

That's good. Casual. Hopefully he doesn't think I completely dismissed him from day 1. I remember after I brought up Niall and our first date, he got all dodgy. 

*Hey* is all I got in response. Is he still being dodgy with me? What did I do? I barely know him!

Instead of asking what's up again, I change the subject.

*Will I get to see you tomorrow?* I wait for a good 5 minutes for his response. In those 5 minutes, I finished my tea, and started to get ready for the day.

*Yeah sure thing! I'll teach you more little fruity drinks, you know start you easy ;)*

Finally! I got him speaking again. But the winky face? Interesting. It's probably nothing, maybe some American culture thing I don't understand. 

*HAHA I could do those in my SLEEP! I need a challenge Louisiana boy.* I start to joke with him to lighten the weird tension I still feel lingering. 

*You're on ma'am* 

Wow such an American. I don't get it sometimes honestly. They talk way too much and too openly, when here all I want to do is get on with my day with the least amount of human interaction I can have while doing so. That's ideal. 

I start to get ready for the day by showering and while I do so, I think of Niall, Tom, Mrs. Horan, my family, everything. It's all coming in at once and I can't stop it.

-

Niall P.O.V.

I am so fucking tired. I barely slept last night because I was worried about Clara. She kept moving and talking in her sleep, I wanted to make sure she was okay, eventually I realized it was probably nothing and slept for a few hours before having to get up for this goddamn meeting I'm in right now with the VP and my uncle/step dad discussing what to do with the company moving forward. I don't have the faintest idea as to why I'm a part of this meeting, but my uncle called me here so I don't really have a choice.

"Do you agree, Niall?" I hear and I jolt my head out of my thoughts.

"Yes, sorry, repeat that again." Fuck, I need sleep or else I'll keep daydreaming or falling asleep.

"Do you think we should hire some current interns in the company as full time employees? For the next upcoming year? They would begin to get paid, and I would like you to train them."

Clara. She's an intern at one of the companies. If he hires her, things will be so much easier for her, and for me. For us. No! Stop! That's selfish. It can't be about me, but we could at lest give her the opportunity. But me? train her? We'd get nothing done, if you know what I mean.

"Niall?" He repeats. I snap out of it again.

"Oh yeah! That's a great idea! Do you have any possible people you're looking at?" Be more obvious why don't you Niall. 

"Uh, yes. That girl Clara you're so fond of, and another person in her department Uh..." He flips through some papers to find a name, "Mmm, Lucy Gallagher." 

"I don't know her yet, but I'm all for promoting them to real positions! Tell me when you'd need me to train, or for anything else regarding them." I really want to Train Clara, so bad. Just to tease her and make her giggle that cute way she does. To see her bite her lip in that sexy way she does, to feel her hand squeeze mine in that comforting way she does. God I already miss her so much. I need to not be this dependent on someone else. I need balance. 

"Perfect! I'll call them both in when they come in later today and I'll update you both on what the plans are." Wow, I could be working with Clara. I mean I already do, but now in the same room. I get up from my seat and grab my stuff from the conference table. 

"Sounds good. I'll be at my desk if you need me."

I walk out of the room quickly and stumble back to my desk. I am exhausted wow. I dump my shit onto my desk as I see my unfinished screenplay on full display on my table with some faint writing on it. 

Niall Fucking Horan this is amazing! 

-LT

it reads. Oh my god. Louis needs to stop getting into my shit. I asked him to read this eventually, but NOT YET! I'm not even halfway finished.

I named it, The Barmaid. I know Original. It's about a barmaid falling in love with a 007 type spy who's always busting people in her pub. I know it sounds kind of wacky, but I'm in no way finished or done to be able to see if it's good or not. But I guess Louis liked it. I take it and walk over to his desk which is directly in front of mine. I drop the screenplay in front of his face to shock him, but he doesn't flinch.

"hey buddy!" He says once he sees the stack of papers I dropped. 

"Why are you going through my shit, Tomlinson?" I ask half joking half completely serious.

"What? You told me to read it!"

"Yeah when I'm done! It's no where near done." I'm slightly angry but relieved in a way because he enjoyed it. 

"You know that Cara character is quite familiar. It's almost like, she's that real barmaid from Bowie's we saw at Harold's bachelor party." The way he says Harold is slightly strained. I think they're going through a rough patch right now, or at least Louis is, understandably. 

"Yeah.... about that." I start, "We've kinda been seeing each other since that night, like a lot."

He finally stops focusing on his work and looks up at me. 

"Oh my god! It's been a week almost since the party and you're already writing screenplays about her. You've got it bad, friend." He looks back down at his work and continues, "But honestly, I'm happy for you Ni. She's a looker for sure, and so are you, so it works!" He chuckles at his comment.

"Ugh, come on Lou." I jokingly complain and we both laugh. 

"How have you been doing? I heard there was some tension between you and Harry." He visually tenses up, "You don't have to talk about it though, but know I'm here if you need." I don't want him to feel obligated to tell me.

"Thank you, Ni. Yeah we've had a little fight, but it's not what you think..." Huh?

"What do you mean?" 

"Can I tell you over our lunch break, I really need to finish this right now." He completely dismisses me, so either he really has a shit ton of work right now, which I can only see a paper of, or it's more serious than he's letting on. What could it be?

"Yeah that works, wanna eat in the cafeteria?"

"Uhm, can it be somewhere more... private?" So I'm going with it being more serious than he's saying it is. 

"Yeah of course! We can go outside or something"

"Sounds good, thank you Ni. Oh! And also keep writing that James Bond, bar chick flick!"

"Shut up!" I yell back. He can be such an arse sometimes but he's really funny. I sit back into my desk and begin sorting through all the work I have for the day. I'm already bored, so I decide to text Clara. 

*Good morning babe, hope ur well <3* This is my first time sending a heart to her, but it feels right in this moment. Last night was bliss. Even though she really opened up to me about something so incredibly awful, the fact that she trusted me, our cuddle into sleep, our closeness, it was all perfect and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. She is gorgeous and strong. She doesn't deserve any of the shit she's gone through and yet, she still comes out the other side, stronger than ever, I want to be like that. Especially after my..... mum.

Fuck I've almost gone an entire hour without thinking about her. She's back home now after a few rounds of therapy. She's in the early stages, so it's lucky for us. But it still doesn't diminish the fact that I'm constantly scared about what could happen. She's literally my everything, I don't know what I could do without a mother. I don't know how Clara does it.

Before I knew it, it was already lunch time. I look up at Lou and he's pulling out his packed lunch and I walk over to grab mine from the company fridge. I walk back over to Lou and ask, "Ready?"

He takes a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be." This seems so much bigger than a small spat between the two boys. I wonder what it is, but I guess I'll be finding out very soon. 

\- 

Clara's P.O.V.

I've been slaving away at all this work Ms. Psycho has given me for today. There is no way I can take a full lunch break, if I want to finish this before tonight. Ugh fuck her, I'm so done with this shit. If I could quit I would, I-

"Clara!" I hear coming from the devils office, "Can you come here?" Oh fuck. What could this be? Am I getting fired for not coming in Yesterday? But, I did all my work! Well if so, I had a good run and good riddance of this bitch.

"I just recieved a call from Mr. Horan at MVE, he would like to see you for a meeting. When is best for you?" She seems slightly angry from how clenched her speaking was. I'm not sure if this is Niall or Joseph, but I have to go either way. 

"I can go ASAP. I could go right now even!" I just need to get out of here. She reaches over and unmutes the phone. 

"She can come in right now!"

"Perfect send her down!" I hear Joseph call. Holy shit. THAT Horan! What's happening? She hangs up the phone and looks at me with an angry and puzzled expression.

"Listen here you little girl, I don't know what your angle is, but the Horan's are the biggest name in this company and you are just some scrawny little intern. Don't think for one second, you're anything more than that." She pauses, "Now, when you get back, I have more work for you and I better not see any slacking."

What the actual FUCK? This is by far the worst thing she's ever said to me, I hope this is something good, because after that, I don't know how much more of this I can take. 

I walk down to the MVE office and my heart is beating out of my chest. Is this about Mrs. Horan, or Niall, or is it about work? Well whatever it is, has to be a million times better than dealing with Ms. Thomas' bullshit. I walk in to the room and come face to face with the receptionist. 

"Hello, I have a meeting with Mr. Joseph Horan." I say. 

"yes! He's been expecting you. Down this hall and to the left and you'll find his office." She points to the hallway on my left. 

"Thank you!" I say and walk down the corridor. and stop myself right infront of the door that reads,

Joseph Horan, CE

I hesitate in front of the door. I just hope whatever it is, everyone is safe. 

Well, Here goes. I grab the handle and make my way into the office.


	14. Fourteen : Revelations

Niall's P.O.V.

We sit down at this bench a little ways down the block from the company building. 

"Louis, is everything okay?" I ask. I'm beginning to worry, what's up with him? He's acting all dodgy. He takes a deep breath and ponders quietly for around 30 seconds.

"Niall, I'm about to tell you something, and I just want you to know I'm still me, nothing is different." 

"Yeah? Of course you are?" I'm proper confused now. What is happening? He takes an even bigger breath and looks down at his hands as they fidget nervously. 

"I'm Bisexual." He looks up at me to watch how I'm going to react to this news. Not going to lie, it's not completely out of the blue, I've caught him talking about men he 'looks up to' and peaking glances at Harry from time to time. Harry! Is that what this is about?

"Well, Louis first off, I don't see you any differently. I'm proud of you actually for telling me, I know it can't be an easy thing to do. Second, is this what your spat with Harry was about?"

I hope I'm handling this well for him. I don't know if he wants a bigger reaction out of me or not, but honestly I'm more worried about what happened and why he's acting this way than anything else. But, I am really happy and proud of him. Living a lie can't be easy and especially for as long as he has.

"Thank you, NI. I just became comfortable with it. You're also the second person I've told, so keep it between us until I'm ready to be public about it."

"Of course, Lou. Whatever you're comfortable with. I love you bro, remember that."

"Thank you, again. But yes this was what me and Harry fought about. He was actually the first person I told."

"I'm listening." I say questioning where this is headed.

"Well... The reason I know is because of him. I think I grew feelings for him and have had them since we were young but I would always dismiss it as him being, my 'closest' friend and someone I care about, when in reality, I wanted more. And he took me coming out to him well.... at first. He hugged me and made me feel comforted. He was warm and his heart was beating really fas- Anyways, I had the courage to be open with my feelings after this, and that's what sparked the fight. He immediately dismissed me with the, 'I'm getting married in a week' and 'I don't feel the same' But when he said that I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't. He's been cuddling me and been close to me ever since he met Caroline. I really want to talk to him about it, but when I first brought it up he dismissed it and lashed out instead of discussing it with me. I was so angry and confused I left and went straight to the pub and drank until I couldn't feel my face anymore."

"Oh my god, Louis. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay now after sleeping on it, but I really want to talk to him again, I think we can come to a mutual understanding before the wedding because I'd still like to be there, in support, even if us two turned into a disaster." He puts his head in his hands and shakes it. I move closer to him and hug him. I can tell he's tearing up. I can't even begin to imagine how he must be feeling. To be so open with someone you've loved for so long and being dismissed like nothing has to hurt.

"I just thought it would go better." His voice breaks, "I understand if he doesn't feel the same, but I thought we would at least talk about it more as friends at least." It's painful to see him so distraught. I wish I could take all of his pain away. I got the exact same feeling last night with Clara, too. I wish the people I love didn't have to hurt like this. 

"I'm so sorry, Louis. I really am. That must've been awful to go through." I continue to comfort him. "Do you wanna do something tonight to get your mind off of it, or to talk and hang. Make you feel better?"

He just looks up and nods. I feel so bad for him. He doesn't deserve this, "I'd like that." I sit back in my original spot with my food and begin to eat, he follows and we change the subject. I don't want to make him continue to think about this, especially since I can tell it's hurting him so badly. To see someone you love dismiss you and also see them get married to someone else, that must feel awful.

We talk about work, my screenplay, and a lot of on the surface topics. He deserves a distraction. We finish our food and walk back to our building. 

"You know, you can come to me with anything." I turn to look at him face to face. "I'm so fucking proud of you Lou. It takes a lot of bravery to be that vulnerable and I'm happy that you know who you are." I bring him in for a close hug and he responds gladly. If things between him and Harry don't get better, I will gladly take his place. Louis deserves a good supportive friend especially right now. 

"Thank you for listening, Ni. Once I'm done with work I'll head over to yours."

"Sounds good." We walk to our respective desks and continue on with our work. I always finish early so I wave at Louis and leave to go home. I check my phone for any message from Clara. She hasn't answered all day. Should I double text? Is that too needy? Fuck this, she just opened up about one of the hardest times of her life, I want her to know I'm here. I'm texting her.

*Hey :) Hope you're doing okay today xo*

I hope she answers, but if not at least she knows I'm here. That's all I want, for her to know she's not alone, not anymore. I stuff my phone back into my pocket and drive home. Time for a nap.

-

Clara's P.O.V.

I walk in to find a smiling Mr. Horan sitting at his desk looking down and speaking on the phone. Once he sees me he says, "Honey, Clara's here I have to go.... I'll tell her.... Love you." Then hangs up. "Clara! So glad I can see you! That was Niall's mum, she wanted me to tell you hello. Come sit!" He says and gestures towards the seats opposite of him. 

"Thank you, and tell her I say hello back and I hope she's doing well."

"I will. Now, onto our only order of business. This morning I had a meeting with the VP of the company and we have decided it would be in the company's best interest if we hired some high quality interns into our company. I know you're under us at VM, but I think you could find that MVE is fairly similar and you'll be paid a higher salary. We want you to be one of our new hires! Besides you being an amazing young woman when it comes to serious situations, and besides you and Niall being an item, I have looked over your work and it is by far some of the best and most organized I've ever seen. I know filing paperwork could get boring but that along with the small projects you've worked on, I've been very impressed. We would love to have you here at MVE. What do you say?" 

Holy shit.

This is literally a dream come true. I'll be gone from the claws of that retched Ms. Thomas and I'll be getting PAID. Actual money. Oh my god I have to say yes, this is all I've ever wanted. But, what if it's only because of Niall. I don't want to be hired just because of him, but Joseph made it very clear that it's more than that. 

"Oh my god! Pardon me. But, thank you so much! Yes I'd love to work for MVE! What exactly would I be doing and whats the pay rate?" I really can't believe it. 

"Well, you'd still be introductory but a good beginning salary would be around 35,000 pounds. And you would start out by shadowing the agents and getting them whatever they need as well as participate in group brainstorming meetings where we try to come up with ideas and help each other with our clients. Hopefully, you can eventually become one of them." This is everything I've wanted since moving to London, holy shit!

"Holy shit." I accidentally say out loud.

"I'm sorry?" He asked confused with a slight chuckle. Fuck he heard me. 

"I'm so sorry! I'm just excited, this has been everything I've wanted since moving to London. Thank you so much for this opportunity, I won't let you down!" I'm such a spazz.

"Haha it's okay! Glad to know I haven't hired a complete robot, you're allowed to be comfortable here, I know how harsh Mariah can be." Mariah? Does he mean Thomas? Mariah Thomas? Sounds bitchy. 

"Yes, this is a dream come true. Thank you so much!" I start packing my stuff and getting everything together before he speaks again.

"Hey, one of these days, Sinead and I want to have you both over for dinner if you'd let us."

Oh wow. Will Niall be okay with this? I'll ask him first, but I also don't want to be rude. 

"Yes! Of course I'd love that!" He gives me a big grin.

"Good! We'll coordinate." I start to stand, "Oh and Clara, when you go back to your office can you please send down Lucy Gallagher? I need to speak with her as well. It was nice getting to talk to you again, I'm glad Niall has someone."

"Thank you! I'll tell her to come here. And of course, Niall is a very special man." I smile at the thought of Niall. He makes me so happy. I begin to walk away and towards the door.

"Hope to see you soon Clara, take care!" He calls to me as I walk and he reaches for his phone again. 

"You too!" I say back before leaving the office. I let out a breathe I didn't know I was holding. 

Oh. My. God.

I rush back to the office and head straight to Lucy's desk with a fat smile on my face. 

"Hey Lucy!" I say to her a little too over excited. 

"Hi, Clara?" She seems taken back. I need to tone it down.

"Hi. Sorry. I just got back from a meeting with Mr. Horan at the MVE office and he wanted me to fetch you for a meeting with him."

"Wait really? Am I in trouble?" She starts shifting nervously. 

"No, actually quite the opposite. He's in his office now if you're free now, or if not I can tell him a time that's best for you." I'm excited for her. Any time we would talk it would be about how awful this goddamned job is, especially with Ms. Psycho.

"I'm free now!" Now she's getting excited! I smile at her as she stands from her desk. 

"Okay! His office is two floors below us. I can go with you and guide you if you'd like."

"I'd like that." She says as she nods. We're finally going to get out of this shit show of an office.

We begin walking to the MVE offices when she starts, "Can you wait outside for me? You know, just in case?" 

"Of course! I'll stay right outside. This way." I gesture down the hall and into the office, "His office is down this corridor and to the left." Wow it's like I already work here.

"Thank you, Clara. I'll be right back." She steps into his office and I can hear the beginnings of almost the same conversation he had with me. Just without the whole Niall and Mrs.Horan parts. 

Almost 10 minutes go by and they're still talking. This one is taking longer than mine did. Just as I was about to begin worrying she walks back out. 

"Soo?" I ask.

"I got a promotion? Sort of? Either way, I'M EXCITED!" She exclaims. Yay!! I hug her in excitement. I can't wait for us to get a new work atmosphere with less bitchy bosses.

"What took so long? Your meeting was longer than mine." I ask curiously. 

"Well, my promotion specifically is to be his personal assistant, so we had a more in depth conversation about what it entails and I start tomorrow!" She seems so excited and as she should.

"Oh my god that's amazing! I'm assisting the agents, we're making our way up!" We make our way back up to our office to pack up our stuff. I don't know if we just leave and Mr. Horan will tell Thomas, or if we tell her. I kind of want to tell her to be petty, but I don't know. But, before we could make that decision, she calls us both into her office once we enter the room. We walk in and she begins.

"So I got a call from Mr. Horan about both of you. I hear you're being promoted so you're not under me anymore. I'm going to need you both to run in your finished and unfinished work to me before you leave. I just want you both to know, If either of you need anything, feel free to reach out to me!" She gives us the fakest smile in existence. Fake bitch.

I just nod, she doesn't control me anymore. We both get to our desks and begin packing up the little stuff we have and before we know it, it's time to finally leave this office. I will not miss it one bit. I hated this position. I go back into her office to drop off the work she asked for and she doesn't hesitate to give me her opinion on the matter. 

"I hope you like your new soul sucking job. You will find though, that you won't make it far looking at the shit you give me. Good luck, Cara." 

Bitch, she couldn't have even said my actual name. You know what? I'm not going to take this.

"You know what, Mariah. I will like my new job, because it takes me as far away from deadbeat, bitter, disrespectful people like you. So Good luck without two of your best interns, and don't you fucking dare talk to me or anyone like that again. You're not better than anyone, so don't act like you are." And before she could even say anything back, I leave the room. That. Felt. Good.

Finally I'm free. I decide to check my phone since I've been off it all day and I see two messages from my baby, Niall. Ew I hate myself for that but, I love it.

*Good morning babe, hope ur well <3*

followed by:

*Hey :) Hope you're doing okay today xo*

I feel awful for not seeing these. I immediately answer.

*Hi! So sorry, I've been off my phone. But, I'm actually doing amazing! I will tell you later, but I hope you're doing well too, miss you xoxo*

He really does care. He's exceeding my expectations and I don't think I've ever been this happily surprised in my life. Thank you Niall Horan.


	15. Fifteen : Deep Dive

Niall P.O.V.

I sit at home waiting for Lou to get off of work so he can get his mind off of the Harry incident. I finally got a text back from Clara. I have to admit I was scared I had done something last night that she didn't like, as in reacting differently than how she wanted or something similar and that's why she didn't answer. So it was a relief when I read the text that read; 

*Hi! So sorry, I've been off my phone. But, I'm actually doing amazing! I will tell you later, but I hope you're doing well too, miss you xoxo*

I respond with 

*I'd love to hear about it :) I'm glad you're going great! I am doing aright, just helping out Louis with something important tonight, so I may not be on my phone, I hope that's okay.* 

Do I seem insecure? Fuck. My last girlfriend was so neurotic that any tiny thing I didn't do was a huge deal. me and Clara haven't discussed my past relationship baggage yet, and I don't want to throw it on her all at once because it's a lot. I just have a few trust issues stemming from her trust issues. It's a vicious cycle. 

*Of course baby, I'll tell you tomorrow! Have fun tonight xo*

Wow. I let out a breath I was holding. She really just, trusts me? Just like that? I don't think out of all the relationships I've been in, have they been this trusting and understanding. How did I get so lucky? it's only been a week and I know it's probably honeymoon phase, but she's already been so much healthier of a girlfriend in my life than any other girl I've dated.

Girlfriend. Oh my god, I just called her my girlfriend. It just slipped out in my thoughts. I don't need to mention this to her, yet. Whenever she's ready to label us, I'll be ready. Girlfriend.

Anyways. I try to change the subject of my thoughts as I move more towards Louis and Harry. So, I decide to text Harry. Don't worry, I'm not bringing anything up with him, I just want to check in and see how he's doing. Maybe he'll open up, maybe he won't, it's his decision.

*Hey man, how's everything?*

Let's see. Almost 3 seconds later my phone buzzes. I look expecting Harry or even Clara but it was just Louis.

*I'll be there in 15* 

I hope he's been doing okay since earlier today. I feel awful for him. 

*sounds good, front door is unlocked*

I respond. I'm worried for him but I'm glad we can do something to help him. 

All of a sudden, I hear banging on my door. What the fuck? Is Louis just extremely fast?

I go to open the door, and standing there is the one and only, Harry. 

Fuck.

So much is happening so fast, I don't know if I can keep up.

"Harry? What are you doing here? I-"

"I need help, Ni! I'm mental right now!"

"Okay okay! What is it? come sit." What is actually happening right now?

"Something happened, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I didn't know who to come to, obviously not Lou, Liam is busy with his parents right now, and you'd never judge me right?"

"Of course not! Harry, you're scaring me, what's going on." This could be about Louis, but it could also be something else, it's hard to know with my group of friends. 

"But, I can't say anything or explain anyone's secrets without their consent. So I'm going to speak metaphorically."

"Okay?" He pauses. This has to be about Louis. 'Secrets' as in his sexuality. It's not okay to out someone, ever, but I feel like I should just rip the bandaid off and say I already know. To make it easier for him. To break the silence I blurt out "Harry, I know what happened with you and Louis." 

He visibly relaxes, now he doesn't have to speak in metaphors that probably wouldn't have made sense to begin with. 

"Well, I don't know what to do. He was so open with me about his sexuality and I thought it was going well, and then he told me that he had feelings for me for years, and I just froze. My only response was to get defensive but in my head I was trying to stop myself. I didn't mean anything I was saying, I was just terrified. And I think I screwed up bad, Niall. Really fucking bad." He starts to breath heavy.

"I love Caroline! I Do! I do. I do. But, I'd be lying if I said, I'd never wondered, or had feelings back. It's just... I'M GETTING MARRIED! A FUCKING WEDDING! Now, I'm confused. I don't know if I should stop the wedding and try to focus on my feelings, or go through with it, because I DO love her. i really do. Niall, please help me. I'm going crazy!" He's starting to hyperventilate now. I walk over to him and start rubbing his back.

"Harry, Harry, it's okay. Breathe." I breathe with him to help him calm down. "You need to talk to him and apologize. At least sit down and have a discussion or something. You can't leave it like that, especially if it isn't how you feel."

"Niall, I really do think I'm bisexual or something to that effect, I haven't looked too much into it because I always told myself I wasn't. But, now after this, I feel like something has been unleashed that I've been hiding away for so long. I know now, I'm not straight, but that's all I know. I'm just so confused. I don't know -" 

And at this moment, we both turn to see Louis walk in to the room, eyes still red and puffy from earlier. Oh no. 

Louis' P.O.V.

"What the fuck?" Is all I can come to say. I look at Niall with such anger. He notices and says, "I swear, he just showed up, this wasn't planned." I breathe again knowing I don't need to kill Niall after this, but my heart stops again when I lock eyes with harry. His eyes look red too, maybe he- no. I can't entertain that idea when he so clearly dismissed me. I just walk past him and into Niall's bedroom to drop off my stuff. ANd sure enough I hear footsteps shuffle behind me. Fucking Niall. 

"I don't need your comfort Niall, I'm mad"

"Erm, it's not Niall" I hear Harry say. I whip around and he's shut the door so it's just us two. 

"Louis, please hear me out."

"You made yourself pretty clear last night." I say in my petty tone. Fuck Harry, but I also can't stay mad at him when he looks into my eyes with his green ones. Fuck he's beautiful. No, Louis, stop. I look down immediately to hide my face. 

I feel a hand grab one of mine and another tilt my head up to look at Harry. What is he doing. "I'm so fucking sorry Louis. I didn't mean what I said. I got defensive when I should've listened. I got angry instead of understanding. I have to be honest and admit that I don't know how I feel, I've never entertained the idea of being with a man more than the initial thought because it was always "wrong" but honestly. I can't fight it off anymore." What is he even saying.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I still love Caroline, and I want to marry her, but I'm so confused that I don't know WHAT to do. But, ultimately. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve how I treated you. You're brave for being open with me, I just was too fragile, but I'm not anymore." He steps closer to me. We're about 6 inches away from each other. This was definitely not how I was picturing tonight going.

"Thank you, harry for apologizing. It really hurt when you dismissed me like that. I was so vulnerable with you. And-"

"I know, Lou, I know." He cups my face with his hands. What the fuck is he doing, if he's so in loce with Caroline why is he- 

And at that moment his lips crash into mine. WOAH. This is NOT what I was expecting. Fireworks start to go off and He leans into me and I to him. Our lips move in sync with one another and he places his arms around me to pull me in closer and as he does so, his body falls back onto the bed and I with him, but our lip lock holds. Fuck this is what I've been dreaming of for the last 6 years. I let out a soft moan and he uses his tongue to ask for access. I open my mouth and suddenly our tongues are as intertwined as our bodies are. How is this happening right now, I literally can't believe it. I begin to grind on him slightly and I can feel his dick getting hard under me. He is into this. He really is, fuck me. I'm too far deep now. He returns my movements and i think in this moment he realizes what we're doing and he pulls away. I instantly feel alone again. 

"Oh.. uhh.. I'm so sorry Louis I shouldn't have done that." he seems shaky. "I'm still with Caroline, this isn't fair for her. He starts shuffling his feet and I have to admit to him how that was for me.

"I understand, but Harry." He looks up at me. "That was single handedly the best kiss of my entire life." I notice a small smirk on his face as he continues to shuffle his feet. This whole situation is fucked up. He's right, this isn't fair to Caroline. But why does it feel so right?

"Me too.." He says slightly under his breathe and he looks back up at me with a full on smile, and I return mine. I walk over to him. And he continues, "Louis, I need to think and work out a few things. But, I definitely enjoyed that. A little too much." I notice him reach down and adjust his dick in his jeans. He leans down again and gives me a second kiss but this time softer and more sweet. My entire body shivers in pleasure from finally being able to be with a man for the first time, let alone, the man I've been pining after for 6 years. He hugs me after our kiss breaks. 

"I just need to figure myself out right now. But know that you're still my friend and I love you forever. You're so brave." He looks down again and looks extra nervous. "I should probably go." he finishes.

"yeah, probably." I agree, "but, Harry!" I call as he begins to walk away. "You're a good kisser" I wink at him to be cheeky and he blushes from my comment. If that doesn't make him want to come back I don't know what will. "And, thank you. For apologizing and being supportive. It means the world to me." I look down at the ground as well after this.

"Of course, Louis. You deserve it. And-" I look up and he looks up so we both make eye contact at the same time, "You're a good kisser, too." He blushes and then leaves the room. I don't want to get out until he leaves. I want to know what he tells Niall. It better be good. 

As soon as I hear the front door close I slowly open the door and move back out to the living room.

Niall's P.O.V.

I see Louis walk out of my room slowly after Harry left. he didn't say a word to me other than, "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Before leaving. What the hell happened.

"Louis, I need answers."

"He kissed me." He flatly blurts out. 

"HE WHAT?!" Holy shit! I stand up in excitement and surprise. 

"We kissed for a good minute. I think the feeling was mutual. He said he needed to sort some things out, but I don't know what he means. I'm even more terrified now, than I was before I saw him."

"Louis!!!" I hug him. "I'm proud of you! Your first real kiss from a man! How was it!?" 

Louis starts to go into detail about how hw felt and before I knew it, it was already 9 O'clock. 

We pretty much talked the entire time about his feelings, and how he's confused as to what 'sorting out things' meant. The same questions over and over. But, he's happy. He's giddy almost, I don't wanna ruin his happiness, he deserves all the happiness in the world.

"Well, Niall, I got to go home now. Thank you for listening to me and being there for me."

"Of course! Any time! Keep me updated with everything please, I'm invested."

He just nods as he lets out a small chuckle. He grabs his stuff from my room and makes his way out the door. But before closing he says, "Thank you, Niall. For everything." 

I respond, "I'll always be here forever." He smiles and slowly shuts the door. 

Holy shit. 

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Louis was sad but now is happy, Harry was angry then sad and now is confused, And Clara is doing.. I actually don't know. But I don't NEED to know. It's been a week and I trust her. But I'm so tired that I want to say goodnight before passing out, so I message her.

*Goodnight, beautiful. I have so much to tell you tomorrow, it's not even funny. I hope you sleep well, and I can't wait to see you again xo <3*

Once I press send I fall asleep instantly.


	16. Sixteen : Empty and Alone

Clara's P.O.V.

I wake up the following day, free. I can finally go back to Bowie's and start a new job on Monday. Everything seems to be working out right now! But, I really do want to tell Niall everything. I know he's busy, but he was the first person I wanted to tell once I got the good news even though he probably knows something about it already. I'm also curious what he has to tell me about last night, but I really need to get ready for work tonight. 

I finally have most of the day to myself and I can do some self pampering. But not going to lie, I'm feeling weird. I want to be around Niall and gush everything to him and listen to all he has to say. But at the same time, I want to be completely alone, have nothing to do with him, and I don't want to see him at all. 

It's happening again. 

I don't know why I do this. Every single fucking time. This is why I will never be happy, why I'll never be in a long term relationship again, because I'm so fucked up. Maybe if I don't talk to him today, I'll be able to think and come to a conclusion tomorrow. But it's such a strange feeling. I feel off, and me feeling off is making me feel anxious, and all of a sudden I can't breathe. 

I double over onto the floor of my bedroom dry heaving and hyperventilating. I cant see anymore as rings of black cover my eyes. 

Hello my old friend. But this time it's different. It's worse. I feel..... sick. 

I feel something stir in my stomach and all of a sudden I run to the bathroom as soon as I can and I begin to vomit uncontrollably. I can't breathe still which is making this entire experience so much worse. My ears are ringing and all I can hear in my head is the word Alone, almost as a mantra. 

I'm alone, I will always be alone. 

After a good 5 minutes of me vomiting my guts out, I begin dry heaving again, because there's nothing left. I'm empty. Seems sort of poetic. I'm empty and alone. 

I sit on my bathroom floor, disgusted at myself and the bits that didn't make it into the bowl in time. I feel weak, as I begin to come down from my panic attack. Should I call out of work? 

I can't, I've barely started working there. But, I feel so weak. 

Fuck. 

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. As I sit there in my anxious mess, I pull it out to see Niall's name across my screen. 

I can't talk to him. Not today. I still don't know what's going on, it's never been this bad. I open the message to see it read:

*Hey, just wanted to see how you're doing?*

I've been distant, I know I have. I try to cover it up by saying, "I'm busy" when in reality, I just can't. I decide to respond, but very short. Just s he doesn't bug me all day as I try to figure myself out.

*I'm okay* is all I send and I shut off my phone and shove it back into my pocket before I can read a response. 

God I feel disgusting I need to shower. And then I need to sleep again. Today turned from a nice amazing exciting day back to a weakened anxious mess of a day so quickly. 

-

I wake up from my nap slowly, still slightly weak, but loads better than before. I turn over to read my clock as it reads 6:30 pm. 

OH GOD NO! I jolt out of my bed and find my uniform. I need to be at work in 30 minutes. I can't believe I seriously slept all day. I didn't wake up other than lunch time when I ate a sandwich. Fuck my life right now. I run around to put together my work bag as I finally turn on my phone that has been off since this morning. 

*buzz, buzz, buzz* 

All of my messages are coming through at once. I have 3 from Niall, 5 from Tom, and one from.... my brother? What. 

He hasn't contacted me in 3 years. Something has to be wrong. I immediately open his message. 

*Clara, I need you* is all it reads. My heart sinks. We don't talk ever and I may have some un-talked about resentment towards him, but he 'needs' me. Something has to be really wrong for him to 'need' me. I immediately call him. Fuck work right now. 

The phone rings 3 or 4 times before a broken voice picks up, "Hello?" I hear my brother say.

"Hey Elijah? WHat's wrong?" I say shaking, I am both terrified because it's been 3 years, but also concerned for him. 

"Clara?" He whimpers, "Clara, Somethings happened and I didn't know who to talk to." I can hear his sobs in between his words.

"Yes? I'm listening, what happened?" What is going on.

"it's Dad. He kicked me out, I have no where to go. He's pulling me out of school and everything. I don't know what to do and I know we haven't spoken in a few years, but please, I need you. Can you come get me??" 

"Oh my god, what the hell, why did he kick you out??" Is all I can process at the moment. My head is whirring from today and now this? 

"Please, don't make me say it. I don't want to lose you too."

"Elijah, I know we haven't spoken in 3 years, but I'm not like dad at all. I won't leave you if you need me."

Silence. For almost a minute. 

"I.... I told him I was .... gay." And in a way my shoulders relaxed.

"Oh thank god. I thought you got arrested or something. First off, I'm on my way to get you soon and Second..... Elijah there's nothing wrong with being gay, dad's just a prick. You can stay with me in London and we'll work this out together. No matter what your safety is more important than anything."

I hear a relieved sigh on his end and some more whimpers, "Thank you, thank you." 

"Send me your address and I'll drive over now." 

"Clara." He pauses. 

"yeah?" 

"I'm sorry." what? "I'm sorry for cutting you out. I'm sorry, for never speaking to you. I'm so fucking sorry." He begins to cry again.

"Elijah, listen to me. We can talk about all of that at a later time, but right now I need to make sure you're okay. Where are you? Home? At a friends? Do you have your stuff?" 

"I'm at Dean's and I packed up all I could in an hour because he wanted me out ASAP."

Fuck my dad. No FUCK DAVID. Yeah I was mad at my brother, but he's young, he blindly followed my father and I never blamed him as much as I did father. 

"I'll be right there. I love you, Elijah." I say. I sounds kind of weird saying it. I literally haven't uttered those words in YEARS. Not even to Aubrey. But, I do. I do love him and in a fucked up way I still love my father, but I also I care so much. 

"I love you too." He says softly. Then hangs up the phone. Fuck. I'm cross. I'm not anxious, I'm MAD. I hated my dad for a long time after dropping me completely, but after this I think I properly hate him.

I feel a ping on my phone and its Elijah's address. I scramble to find my bag and I dial Tom. 

"Howdy!" He says when he picks up the phone. Oh now he's not being weird with me anymore. He confuses me. 

"hey, Tom. I can't come in tonight I'm having a family emergency, can you cover for me?"

"Family emergency? Are you okay?" He immediately questions.

"I'm okay but my brother isn't I need to go get him right now. Can you please cover for me?" I ask again. "I swear I'm not just trying to get out of work, this is a real emergency." I sound frantic now over the phone and I think he notices. 

"Yes, yes of course! Go help your brother, I hope everything's okay."

"Thank you, Tom. Thank you, I owe you." 

"No, you don't. Go help your brother. I have your back."

"Thank you thank you." I say again. I keep repeating myself but I'm so manic that thinking a complete sentence is almost impossible. 

I plug in my GPS to go pick up my brother. 2 hours. Ugh why did he have to be so far. Nevertheless, I'm on my way.

\- 

I pull up to his friends house that he's staying at and I immediately get out of my car and march up to the door. Fuck the "I'll text you when I'm outside" shit, I need to be here for him. I need to hug him and tell him everything will be alright.

I knock on the door and wait around a minute until it finally opens revealing Dean's mum at the door. 

"Hello, is Elijah here?" And at that moment, he come's into frame and I see him. I push passed her while I mumble,"Excuse me." As to not be rude and I make way to immediately hug him. 

I never blamed him for any of my fathers wrongdoings. I was hurt that he went along, but he was so young, he didn't know what was right and wrong and you're obviously going to go with your parent over a sister. So I understood. I do love him and I will protect him. 

He hugs me back so very tightly. 

"Are you okay?" I ask and he just shakes his head. He's only a few years younger than me. He's around 19 now. Not going to uni, living with my father, only doing online work for money like freelance art, but other than that he's been completely dependent on my father until today. I will be here for him, I will be what my father couldn't.

"You will be okay, I'll make sure of it. Do you need anything else from the house that you left? Or do you want to leave it?" We break our hug, I look into his dark brown eyes that are rimmed with red from his crying. He looks so defeated, so lost. 

"No, I have what I need, I want to get away." I pull him in again for another hug. He's younger than me yes, but he's a few inches taller than me. I did end up with the short gene in the family. We break our hug and I turn to Dean and his mum who are both standing next to each other with concerned looks on their faces, probably scared for Elijah. 

"Thank you both so much for letting him stay here. Bless you." The mum smiles.

"Of course, the boys are very fond of each other and I would never turn someone away when they needed something." At that Dean walks over to Elijah and hugs him, but their hug seems intimate, deep even. I think I know why he came here of all places. I turn to face them and his mum walks beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

"He needs someone like you in his life. They will miss each other I'm sure, but I hope you'll take good care of him. And if you need anything, call me. Elijah has my number." I look over to her and nod.

"Thank you." Is all I say. It's such a heavy situation, I don't want to overwhelm anyone more than they already are. She walks back towards the kitchen and I back up a little to give Dean and Elijah more privacy. He didn't just come out, he's in love. No one should feel isolated or hated because of who they love. Fuck David. I won't stop thinking it.

Their hug breaks and they give each other a soft and sad kiss. My heart aches for them, they seem so very sad. They separate and Elijah looks over to me. 

"Dean, you know you are welcome to come visit anytime, and I'll take Elijah back whenever he wants to." I say as I walk back to my brother and put my arms around his shoulders. 

"Thank you." he looks down. I turn to Elijah.

"I will be in the car, come out when you're ready." I want to give them as much time together as they want.

He nods at my statement. He looks so exhausted. he's probably been crying all day. I wish I could hug him and make all of his issues go away. We'll talk about it all. I'm just glad I can help, I've always been one to help. Be the one to fix things, and take care of things. If I can do anything, I will do it. I hate seeing others hurt. 

I nod back in reassurance and walk over to Dean's mum. "Hey, I'm going to wait in the car and I just wanted to say thank you again and goodbye." She gives me an endearing look as she comes to hug me. I tense up immediately. I don't hug people I don't know. Never. But, this felt like when I was young. When my mum would hug me. Today has been such a shit day from my anxiety sickness to my fathers bigotry. I in some way needed this. I relax and hug her back. 

"I can see it in your eyes." She begins while still holding me. "I see pain." And I tense again but just a little. She releases me and holds me by the shoulders while looking in my eyes. "Elijah has told us all about him and his family, and as a mother, I'm here for you whenever, not just for Elijah's sake but for yours." This is slightly strange to me for multiple reasons. 

1\. I barely know this lady. All I know is she's my brother's, boyfriend's mother.

2\. My brother talks about me? 

But, I won't lie. This feels very calming. It's as if in one hug, the entire chaotic disaster in my brain has subsided. I give her a small smile and repeat, "Thank you." Again. "It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Fisher"

"Please, call me Julie." She insists. I nod and I begin walking back to my car. I sit waiting for my brother for what feels like an hour, but I'm so weakened from today it was probably 15 minutes. Elijah finally walks out when I'm on track 6 of my Queen album, and sits in the passenger seat. It's just us two now. 

"I don't have a second bed as of right now, but my couch is pretty comfortable. It pulls out to a mattress and I have lots of bedding." He yawns before saying, "Thank you" In the lowest voice, I could barely hear him. He must be tired so I'll let him sleep.

-

He slept for the entire car ride home and didn't speak between the car and the couch other than small rumbles that I couldn't make out. I walk back to my room and get myself ready for bed, again. Even though I slept all day. 

I haven't been on my phone at all today other than the one text to Niall and the calls to Elijah and Tom, so opening my phone to a series of messages, isn't too much of a surprise, but they're all from Niall. All of them. What the hell?

*Are you sure?*

*I came by Bowie's to surprise you, but that American guy said you had a family emergency, is everything okay?*

*Clara?*

*I don't want to blow up your phone, but I have to admit I'm worried. I hope you're okay*

*If you need anything, please text or call me. I'll give you some space.*

Space. It's all I need, but it's also the last thing I want. I don't want space. I want Niall. I need Niall. This could either be a really bad decision or a really great decision but...

*Come over?*

I send it. Will I be anxious again? Maybe he can help explain it? Maybe, I should ask for a break? But all I want right now is some comfort. Right, it's a good decision.

*Be right there* And I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 

-

I hear a faint knock on the door and I rush to quietly open the door as to not wake up my sleeping brother, but he seems too passed out to notice. I open to find a very sad and worried looking Niall on the other side holding something?

It's a stuffed animal. A stuffed wolf to be exact. My eyes widen in adoration from this small gesture. I immediately hug him tight and it feels like I haven't felt his touch in years, but it's only been a few days. A few hectic days, to be fair. I loosen my grip so I can give him a long and sweet kiss. This feels right, so fucking right, why was I so anxious? Why was that happening? I let go and guide him through the living room giving him the shush face as to not wake up my brother. Once he sees him, his eyes widen and narrow in confusion as to why he's here, or who he is. But after a few seconds I think he puts it all together.

I close my bedroom door and let out an exhausted sigh. Now we can speak freely, but still not too loud.

"Clara? What's going on? Is this why you've been so distant today?" I pause. I don't no how to respond. Because, no it's not the only reason I was being distant. I don't know how to respond so I look down at my hands in my lap. Thinking of an answer. I need to be honest, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. But, I can't lie. Fuck. Well here goes.

"It's only part of the reason." I admit. I look up at him and his eyes look hurt. Fuck this isn't what I wanted. 

"Niall, can I be completely honest. Raw?" 

"Of course, baby." He grabs my hand to squeeze it, I squeeze back.

"I haven't been with someone since the incident in uni. Not really. I've messed around here and there, but every time sex comes up or when I explain everything, I get scared or they run off. And it's not that want to be scared, my anxiety gets really bad. So I push them away before anything serious happens. And I had a really bad panic attack this morning. Worse than they'd ever been, Niall. It was awful." I look up at him and he seems puzzled. "And I was thinking that it probably had to do with this. But, I know how irrational it sounds, I get it. But, I haven't been able to be in a relationship because of it. And then my brother called me, and all this shit happened. I just needed you. Even if I was feeling off or anxious, you calm me down."

"Wait, I'm confused. You want to push me away but you also need me?" That is kind of exactly what I'm saying. I nod slightly.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I say as I can feel the lump in my throat growing, and my eyes swelling with tears. Ugh why. I just break. 

I hate looking weak, I hate feeling weak. I just want to be okay again.

"Clara, I understand feeling anxious. Especially after something so traumatic, any thought of taking things further is triggering I assume, tell me if I'm wrong, I'm just trying to understand." He's right on the nose so I nod. "And I remember you telling me once that I'm different. I never understood why, but now I do." He squeezes me tighter in his embrace. 

"I'm so scared of getting hurt, even though I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm constantly on alert. And whenever things are going well, something has to be wrong. And then I get that pit in my stomach thinking about the person and relationship and it gets so big that I need to push them away for my own sanity." Wow, I've never actually explained this in detail before, or ever for that matter. Saying the words out loud is sort of liberating. I've only ever suffered in silence. Alone. Empty and alone. 

"Have you ever tried going towards the feeling?" There's a pause. He's still rubbing my back and holding me close. My head slowly lifts so I can look at him. 

I never have actually thought about it. It feels so overwhelming and scary that if I allow myself to go towards it, I might die, or get hurt again. That's how heavy it feels. 

"I can't Niall, I can't."

"You can't? Or you won't? It's too frightening to think about what might happen when you do, but that's because you don't know." I can't lie, he is making a lot of sense. I have never thought about it this way, ever. 

"Do you still feel that way now?" I feel bad for admitting it, but, "Yes.... I do.... I do Niall and I want it gone, I want to be happy." He squeezes my hand again in reassurance. 

"This is your decision Clara. But, if you're willing. Go into it. Go towards the feeling and I'll be right here to make sure you're safe. I won't move from this position unless you ask me to, but I will be here to comfort you and keep you safe." His eyes look so hopeful now. And in a way his hopeful stare is stirring some of that feeling inside me. I just nod. I'm too weak to explain, and I'm also too weak to keep fighting, it's too big. So, I close my eyes.

Instantly. I see flashes from that night. From Matt holding me down. From his friends at the party talking to me. I see my father yelling at me. I see him telling me how disappointed mum would be in me. I see my mum. I see her in her hospital bed, frail and pale. She's reaching for my hand and I want to take it, but I don't. Everything is crowding me at once and I feel the need to puke again. Oh no. I'm shaking. I can't see again. I can't breathe. 

But, somethings different. I can't fall over. I can't seep down into the despair no matter how much I want to. Because there's a hand. Holding me up. His hand. Niall's hand. Flashes are still being shown a mile a minute as I keep shaking. Everything drifts away until I am standing in a black void, no color, just black. I see a group of men walking towards me. All of the men I've been with, except Niall who is shielding me. Matt's in the front. He wants to hurt me, he wants to hit me, he wants to hold me down. But with every move he tries to make, Niall always blocks. No matter how impossible the defense may be. He touches my arm and they all fall. Every man falls, except for Niall. I begin to seep back into reality. See flashes of me and my mum together when I was little. 

"My little Claralily" She says as she cups my cheek with her hand. I feel into her touch. Then the scene changes to Niall, in the same position. Hand cupped on my cheek. But, this time it's real. It's his real hand, his real touch. It's him. My vision comes back into focus. He seems scared, but not so much that he doesn't want to be here helping me. I can feel all of my symptoms ceasing as I can move my limbs again. I bring my hand up to his on my cheek. I'm okay. I'm safe. In his touch, with him. I am safe. 

"Hey" Is all I can say. But, I say it in a strangely light way as I smile up at him holding his hand as he holds my face. His eyes brighten and his lips turn up into a small grin, but I can tell he's holding back a bigger one. This man. 

"Hey." He responds, still smiling. "How are you?"

"Light." I say almost immediately. "I feel, free." freedom. That's what freedom feels like. I throw my arms around him and bring him in close to me. He does the same wrapping his arms around my lower back. I kiss him. And this was one of the best kisses of my entire life. Why you may ask? 

I'm not thinking. It's just the kiss. The kind that can consume you and make you feel like you're swimming in warmth and happiness. The sun shining, your skin glowing, your mind happy. It's happiness. 

I break our lip lock to look at him. See him. Look into his beautiful blue eyes. "I'm Happy." Is all I say. And he understands, pulling me in again into our consuming kiss. 

"Stay tonight?" I ask once we conclude our beautiful love tangle. He looks at me with fonding eyes. 

"Of course, but I will have to leave early. And you're going to have to make me brekkie." He says while laughing.

"You're a grown man, you can make your own food!" I counter, but also in a lovingly jokey way. He smirks and lets out some air in a chuckle. 

"I'll get you breakfast before you wake up, you need some rest. Today's been a lot on you." 

He really is different. So different in fact that now all I want is to be around him. these feelings of fear and trauma almost barely existent tonight, because of the amazing Niall James Horan. 

He pulls me in close under the sheets and we just lay there. Talking. Whispering mostly to not wake up Elijah. We discuss everything from Louis and Harry which WOW. And to my new job, which he already knew about, that wanker. We just talk and laugh and eventually we drift to sleep together. In each others arms. Happy and free.


	17. Seventeen : Touch

The morning comes and the sunlight shines through the window and into my eyes as I slowly wake up. It's the first time I've woken up without an alarm clock to blast me awake in almost 2 weeks. I'm feeling very relaxed today.

I turn to try and find Niall where I left him last night in my bed and it was empty. I felt a small pang in my stomach at the sight of an empty bed until, I heard chatter and clanging coming from the living room. Or is it the kitchen? They're all connected anyways.

I stumble out of bed and stuff my feet into my slippers as I wrap myself with a robe. I don't want to be gross so I make sure to brush my teeth before going out to greet my loving partner.

I walk out to notice Niall cooking in the stove and Elijah sitting at the counter as they both talk as if they've known each other their entire life. Niall looks so deep in conversation and every now and then he gives out one of those infectious laughs he always does. He glances over in my direction and notices me walk up and I can visually see his eyes lighten up.

"Good morning, Clara. I'm just making us all some breakfast. Your brother is a fun lad." He says in the most excited fashion. I have to admit it's slightly weird to see Niall already have a relationship with Elijah, when I haven't talked to him in 3 years. But, either way, I'm glad Niall can boost his mood and make him feel welcome.

"Good morning boys" I say in a sarcastic manner, but end with a happy smirk. I walk over behind Niall and wrap my arms around his stomach as he continues cooking.

"How did you sleep?" I ask my brother while still having a hold on Niall.

"Good, your sofa is comfortable. Thank you again. I-"

"No need to thank me I'll always be here. I'm just glad you're safe. I'll be having a talk with dad soon about all of this, and show him how ridiculous he's being. You don't deserve this, E." He looks down and starts forgetting his fingers. I let go of Niall, and move over to comfort Elijah. I place my hands on his hands on the counter.

"I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise." He simply nods.

"Oh same, but my method would probably involve some bruises." Niall adds in an effort to lighten up the mood. It seems to work because Elijah laughs. Wow, I kind of love this dynamic going on between us 3.

"So are you two like dating or something?" Elijah says which stops us both in our tracks. We both never actually talked about it. I mean besides that one time when he said this was "just fun" but I don't know if things have changed. At that, Niall turns to me and looks at me in the eyes as to assess my thoughts. Without any time for me to explain the circumstance Niall blurts out,"Yes"

My eyes widen but not in fear, in surprise. But a good surprise, because I instantly grow into a large grin. So big I look like smiley the clown. Is this when it becomes official? I guess so.

I pull him in close by putting my arms around his neck and give him one sensual kiss, but appropriate. Soft enough to signify a change in status between us. Weird, but GOOD weird.

"UGH gross!" Elijah screams half serious half joking. But breaks out into a loud laugh, causing us to separate and look at him. "Don't worry, I'm joking, but it's good to see Clara with someone like you. The last boy I remember is Matt, but-" he stops talking instantly. I think as to not trigger anything for me. I never told Niall his name, but hearing it spoken out loud didn't have as much of an effect on me as it has before. It's a nice feeling.

The last memory I have of me and my brother together had to do with the whole situation in uni. I can tell he feels guilty and looks back down sad. I smile softly and put my hand on his again for comfort, "it's okay." Is all I say. I don't want him to feel awkward. I think Niall also noticed because I instantly feel a hand on my back in a comforting way.

All of a sudden, I hate the attention I'm getting from this so I try to change the subject awkwardly, while I slowly break away from all the touching.

"Erm, so, Elijah. Do you have any ideas of what you might want to do out here? Maybe get a job, or go to uni like I did?"

"I mean, I'd definitely like a job. I don't want to take advantage of your kindness. You already didn't even have to do this for me. But, I don't even know where to look." He looks down defeated. This entire situation has taken such a toll on him already I can tell. But, all of a sudden I hear the soothing Irish tone start to speak.

"Actually, a few positions are open at my step-fathers company, if you want I could talk to him about giving him an internship or entry level job." I'm so surprised, but I instantly feel slightly guilty, and annoyed. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people rely on others for success like money, or opportunities. I can do it myself and so can he. I don't like taking advantage of others, and Niall knows that. He probably doesn't see this as any more than a nice gesture, but, "Oh Niall, You've already been doing so much, we couldn't ask you to move things around there!" I say. Slightly bothered but guilty.

"I mean, I'd love to do that though, Clara. Get into some sort of industry."

"Yeah, and some positions just opened up so, there's spots that need filling. I just remembered." At that I visibly relax, Niall smiles as he sees my tense shoulders loosen. He grabs my hand and pulls me into his touch again which is so consuming. I could just get lost in his touch all day and still feel like the most productive person in the world. I immediately close my eyes and lean into his touch as I smell his cinnamon tobacco scent on his shirt. I can slightly hear, Niall and Elijah discussing details about job openings, but all I can think of right now is the touch. Touch. I haven't enjoyed touch like this in.... years. Almost every time I've been touched, something has triggered me. But, in this moment, I feel like he could move his hand and I trust him. I'm not anxious. I'm happy. just Happy. I slowly start to come back to reality when I hear their conversation turning into weird facts about cars, and I need to change the subject my god.

"Well, tonight!" I say to change the direction of the conversation, "I'm back working at Bowie's. I would've last night but circumstances changed, and honestly, I don't think I could've gone even prior to that. So I'm going in tonight at 7 and I wont get off until 2 in the morning. I trust you Elijah to not do anything stupid, but, a few things I need to say. One, if you're going to have people over just tell me, I don't care what you guys do, just make sure you clean it up after and they everything stays in tact. Two, if you go out and anything happens but you don't want to cal me because you dont want to disappoint me or embarrass me, don't. I won't judge you no matter what, and I'll come to save you if you ever want to get out of a situation, you just have to let me know. You can even come into the pub tonight to see me working."

"I know I will" Niall comments with a small smirk. He is?

"Thank you, Clara. Really this is already so much. I'll do whatever I can to make this easier for you, but I can't say I won't fuck up sometimes." he chuckles and I join in with a slight giggle with a sense of fear. He gets up and walks to the living room bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. I turn to Niall and say,

"You're going to Bowie's tonight? Why?"

"Well, One reason is so I can see my beautiful girl, and I'm having a drink with both Harry and Louis. For obvious reasons."

"And they agreed to this???" From what he told me, they seemed really on the rocks.

"Well. Not exactly."

"Niall, what did you do?"

"I told them it was a big group hangout but it'll only be us 3 and I'll either leave them alone or mediate between them just in case it goes bad. But, I have a feeling it'll be good though."

"Well, just make sure it doesn't cause a scene or a mess in my pub or else." I softly threaten in a cute fluffy yet terrifying way.

"Oh, I'll make them behave baby don't worry." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I hear the shower begin to run so we have a few minutes of true alone time at the moment. And I can't hold it in any longer. I have been thinking about his label for us since he said it.

"So... We're dating?" I say in a questioning, yet hopeful way. Hopefully in the sense that he actually meant it.

"Eh, I was just saying it to get your brother to stop prying. He kept asking before you came out this morning too." He's saying it so dismissively. Fuck. I know he wouldn't be comfortable with it. I don't understand what's so wrong with labels to him.

"Do you think we'll possibly get there, eventually?" I ask, bluntly. I'm not playing any mind games anymore, I did that enough with Matt.

"Well, erm... Of course I do Clara, but, to me it's still too soon. Let's just keep having fun?" His mood immediately changes from light and sweet to dark and sexy really fast as he finishes, "And you know I can make it fun." He starts kissing my neck right after he says that. Oh my god, this is heavenly, but FUCK, my brother's still here and he just blew over my hopeful question. I push Niall off in fear of E seeing us doing this in the KITCHEN.

"Wha? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?" Wow he really is instantly cautious about his actions. And I truly love that about him. But now I'm going to be thinking about his answer all day. Too soon. Okay? When will it not be "too soon."

"No no no! You're fine! I just got paranoid that E would come out and see. So... Bedroom?" I ask and darken my eyes with the thought of touch. He happily obliges and we move to the bedroom and shut the door.

-

We didn't do much other than snog the entire time because Elijah finally came out of the shower and we had to discuss plans. Niall then grabbed his stuff and left because he had plans today too, so today is a day for me and Elijah.

"Bye baby." Niall says before leaving giving me a kiss. I return the kiss before closing the door as he walks to his car. I turn to E.

"So I think we need to discuss a lot. I have work at 7 today, so if you want, we can get lunch and discuss what to do from here."

"I'd like that." Elijah says. I turn away to start packing my bag for lunch and he continues, "Clara?" I turn back around.

"I'm so sorry about everything." He looks down, but continues, "I was mad, so mad because of mum and dad would tell me things about you and I would believe them. He would say that you wanted nothing to do with us, so I cut you off. Then when I started understanding how dad was, I felt like it would be out of place to reach out so I cowered away instead. I'm so so sorry Clara. I was so young, I thought everything dad said was the truth. I don't trust him anymore. I think you're the only person I can actually trust right now." He looks back up at me, sad, so sad. You can see the tears pooling in his eyes and the redness surrounding them. I start tearing up at the sight of his emotion and go to hug him.

"I understand. It'll be okay, I'm here." Is all I can say as he begins to sob again into my shoulder. Fuck my father. Honestly. He's awful for making him feel this way. Also for spreading lies about me? What did he gain from that. My tears are mixed with sadness and empathy for Elijah but also anger and frustration towards my father. After a minute or two we separate and I look at Elijah, both hands on his shoulders.

"What dad did wasn't right. Back then and now. He shouldn't have lied to you and I understand why you would believe him at that age too. I forgive you, and I will protect you the way father couldn't. Also, I'm sorry for not reaching out to you either, I thought you both hated me so I never bothered and I feel awful knowing now how much you were hurting. Keeping this secret. I won't let him hurt you like this any longer."

Elijah smiles somberly. "It's okay. I forgive you too. You don't need to talk to dad right now, maybe give it some time, I'll figure out my life here, I'll just need some help." He chuckles.

"Well, you can come with me to work tonight! Niall can take you home early so you don't have to stay up too late. Maybe you'll meet people." He beams up at me and I grab my bag. "Ready for lunch?" I say happily.

"Yeah." He manages, still slightly sorrow but growing brighter.

"You're going to have to tell me all about Dean by the way." And with that statement he immediately blushes. He's smitten.

"Erm.. yeah." Is all he says and we make our way to the cafe down the road.

-

Our meal consisted of light conversations, getting to know each other more, making up for lost time, and I made him hush to me all about Dean.

"We're not dating though." I raise my brow.

"How? After everything you just told me!"

"I don't think he's comfortable yet honestly."

"Maybe next weekend you should invite him up! I'll stay at Niall's and you two can figure it all out. Just no parties and clean up anything you spill." He blushes again.

"Wait really??"

"Of course!! I want you to enjoy life, this is what it is, not our controlling father being a prick." We both chuckle.

"Thank you I'll tell him now!" He texts Dean as we continue eating. A few moments later he exclaims, "HE SAID YES!" I jump back a little but he notices.

"I'm sorry, this is just the best thing that's happened to me in the last few years. It's just weird getting used to being open I guess."

"I understand. I'll help in any way you'd like." I text Niall asking if I can stay the night I'm sure he'll be okay with it!

*hey babe x. So Elijah wants to have a boy over next weekend and I wanted to see if maybe I could stay at yours?*

I hope he's not scared off. But immediately I get a response.

*thats Harry's wedding.*

Is all it says. Fuck. I start typing fast but am interrupted by Niall calling me. I look up and around and Elijah looks suspicious.

"I need to take this, I'll be back"

I get up and go outside to take the call, what's he going to say? Will he invite me? Or think it's too forward of me to ask to stay over? I don't know.

"Hey"

"Hey! I'm so sorry I'm driving right now and I didn't want to text, but I was actually meaning to ask if you wanted to be my plus one, but I didn't know how to bring it up. It was going to be my mum but, obviously that's not happening."

"Right. Wait what?" All I hear is a chuckle on the other end.

"Will you be my date to Harry's wedding?" He sounds so proper when he says it like that and my heart melts. Ugh yes! Wait did I speak?

"Yes!! Of course!" There we go. I got too excited I became speechless. "Wait I'll need a dress and heels and -"

"Don't worry baby I'll help you find something." He says it in such a low sexy voice my insides stir at the tone. I bite my lip.

"O- Okay" I mumble. "Thank you so much I'm excited!"

"Rehearsal dinner is on Friday, so I recommend taking off next weekend completely and we can spend it there together. It's kind of far." Oh a trip. Already. This relationship has gone by super quickly, but it feels like we've been together for weeks and maybe taking this trip will break is out of the honeymoon phase. But in a good way.

"Yes! I'm so excited. But wait. It's still happening? But, I thought-"

"I'll let you know what happens tonight but as of now it's still happening."

"Okay. Wow thank you Niall this will be fun!"

"And even if it doesn't happen we'll go somewhere this weekend." What a perfect man.

"You always do know the right things to say do you?"

"It's my gift." We laugh together in unison but I'm suddenly pulled back into reality once I hear a car honk and a few people yelling on the road.

"Well, I've got to go I can't keep Elijah waiting. OH! And if he comes to the pub tonight do you think you can bring him home so he's not stuck there all night?"

"Of course! I'll show him a good time." I can practically hear the smirk through the phone.

"But safe though, right?" I don't want the first few days of Elijah staying with me to turn into a hospital trip.

"Don't worry baby, you just make your cute little drinks tonight, I'll take care of him." There is is again. That voice, "Well I'll let you go. Text me if you need anything."

"Of course. Bye, Niall." I say in a sarcastic but cutesy voice.

"Bye, Clara." He responds in the same manner then hangs up.

I walk back in and continue my lunch with E. We talked and talked and eventually we got back to our place and chilled by ourselves. I didn't want to coddle him all day so I showered and then read a few chapters of my book until it was time to go to work. I come out of my room dressed I'm my misogynistic uniform and grab my things before leaving the house. I give Elijah my spare key so he can get in and out when he needs. And we head to Bowie's. I'm anxious for what will happen tonight between Louis and Harry, Niall and both of them and on top of it all Elijah.

But, I guess we'll just have to see what brews.


End file.
